I’ve found it’s tough to have an opinion on good vodka.
Terrible vodka, sure. You can compare it to nail polish remover or whatever you used to clean out Nintendo cartridges back in the day. But good vodkas tend to blend together for a relative neophyte like me who rarely drinks it outside the context of a cocktail. You’ve got smooth … and then what?
Fortunately Beattie’s potato vodkas are here to expand my horizons, for better or worse. The Alliston, Ontario distillery offers a limited array of tuber-based spirits in simple flavors and simple packaging. Each bottle looks true to its farmhouse roots, and it’s one I’m eager to try despite my lack of familiarity.
I’ve had my share of Canadian alcohol in my life. Moosehead makes what might be my favorite large scale lager. Canadian whisky is a special blend of smooth and inexpensive that made it a go-to in college and reliable standby now.
But I’d never had Canadian vodka until now. Until I found out about Beattie’s, I don’t know if I’d ever really heard about it. A little research suggests there are a handful of established distillers up north, some quaint and some wearing the equivalent of denim-on-denim and screeching for attention by bottling their booze in a dang hockey stick.
Beattie’s presents itself as a leader in the field. How does it measure up to that standard? I’m gonna mix Beattie’s into a handful of cocktails and see how it turns out. And I’m gonna start with a craft mixer I’ve been meaning to try for a while now; Q Mixer’s ginger ale.
First off, allow me to apologize for a headline referencing a terrible movie from nearly two decades ago. I am referring to, of course, the classic 2006 vehicle Failure to Launch starring Matthew McConaughey (playing, boldly, Matthew McConaughey) and Terry Bradshaw (playing, boldly, Terry Bradshaw). It’s just that a review of Sammy Hagar’s rum got a nice traffic rub by dropping a “can’t drive 55” line in there and, well, your boy needs those clicks.
But yes, Bradshaw is the latest celebrity to wade into the crowded pool of famous folks hawking alcohol. His Bradshaw Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey. The Hall of Fame quarterback, significantly less than that country singer, surprisingly prolific 2000s film actor and pre/post-game show staple is a man of many talents, and now he’s stepping into the malt game — or at least lending his reputation to it.
That that reputation … phew. Bradshaw’s Super Bowl accolades are all over this dang thing. The bottle only has three printed labels and his NFL titles are mentioned four times. This bottle drops “IX, X, XII, XIV” like a typical episode of Lost threw out “four, eight, 15, 16, 23 and 42.”
This also provides hope. Bradshaw’s a southern man with a history of success. Of course he’s gonna know bourbon. His malt should lie on the upper spectrum of celebrity alcohols.
Dos Equis was a soothing balm back when my wallet had been scorched as a result of being a broke student. It was reliably the non-pale ale special at Nashville’s since-defunct Flying Saucer, selling for $2.50 per pint and allowing me to drink, lose at trivia and be able to tip my server without feeling like (more of a) scumbag. The amber, while not technically a dark beer, was rich enough to make me feel like I was drinking something fancier than a macro-produced brew.
That instilled a minor sense of loyalty, even as my scope expanded to hoppy brews and my wallet expanded beyond the $550 I’d made each month as a research assistant. Dos Equis has a special place nestled inside the poorest parts of my brain, alongside the instinct to save Ziploc bags and buy Abercrombie & Fitch clothing, but only at thrift stores.
Thus, I was happy to give the company’s newest brand extensions a try. This time around we’ve got a michelada, new margarita flavor — I reviewed the traditional lime versions here — and a non-alcoholic offering. Will they live up to the romanticized version of the beer I keep close to my heart?
It’s been a while since I had an actual, proper martini. Actually, it’s possible I’ve only had one or two in my lifetime.
Sure, there was an undergrad dalliance with something approaching an apple-tini (I regret nothing). There was a stretch of some wild, extremely potent cocktails poured by a wonderful septuagenarian named “Martini Bob” at Madison’s sadly shuttered Smoky’s Supper Club. But for the most part, the intersection of vodka or gin and vermouth has been a blind spot in my boozing career.
It still mostly is, but the rise of espresso martinis has been unignorable. I opted for a canned version when I was rolling through Two Roads’ lineup this summer. Now, thanks to XXI, I’ve got more access to this corner of the cocktail spectrum I rarely visit.
XXI Martinis are ready-to-drink bottles that take the effort of shaking, straining or stirring out of the equation. They’re also nestled tightly in the marketplace of “fun martinis” — no heavy gin or olive juice here, just sweeter flavors like chocolate, peach and, of course, espresso. That’s a win for me; hell, I already admitted my soft spot for sour apple schnapps. This left me eager to see if XXI deserves a place in my liquor cabinet.
Sometime this summer, a 30-pound box arrived on my doorstep. It was bulky and cumbersome and, honestly, a little strange. Inside were three more boxes. Inside those, three plastic bladders; one containing water, the other two containing wine.
This Jesus cube, a collaboration between Essentia alkaline water and House Wine, is meant to walk a fine line. A little booze to get you tipsy and then some purified, ionized water to … well, maybe not bring you back, but at least make your following morning more pleasant.
It came to me with the intent of a summer sensation; a limited-edition offering for pool gatherings and beach days. But since I’ve got a backlog of beverages to drink here (brag), it lingered a bit longer. And since Patrick Mahomes is an official Essentia spokesperson — no word on how he feels about boxed wine, though I’d wager he’s in favor, partically after looking at his wideouts — I turned my attention to a similar social space in need of hydration. The tailgate.
OK, that’s a weird tailgate combo, but I don’t judge. Drink what makes you happy, and if a little rosé is gonna make pre-game better for some folks, hell, have at it. Personally my review of the wine itself is going to be muted because, as I’ve mentioned before, that’s pretty much the one thing I don’t drink. But I’ll do it for the sake of the review — and to figure out if Essentia and House Wine created a viable product or merely a 30 pound curiousity.
I love a good dark and stormy. I’d never had the classic cocktail before a work trip to Bermuda, where it’s the national standby. Then, since rum, ginger beer and limes are easy to come by here in the states, it became a staple at home — a simple to make cocktail that doesn’t have more steps than a whiskey-and-Coke but feels significantly classier.
Gosling’s, maker of both rum and ginger beer, decided to streamline that process even further and jump into a crowded market of canned cocktails with its signature drink. Their Dark ‘n Stormys come in four different flavors: original, cherry, pineapple and mango. And because dark and stormies rule, I took it upon myself to try all four.
The good news? Gosling’s knows what it’s doing when it comes to the original. The bad news? Well, there isn’t much sense innovating when you’ve got a base model that’s just about perfect.
Most gins trace their lineage back to the United Kingdom, a place where 70 degrees Fahrenheit can be considered steamy weather and the sun was long rumored to be a myth. This is alarming, because there may not be a better hot weather cocktail than the simple, beautiful and thoroughly British gin and tonic.
The simple combination of juniper and botanical slurry with lightly sweet quinine-infused bubbles and a twist of citrus (lime for me, because I am not complicated) creates a crisp refresher that will quench your thirst and, crucially, get you drunk. Crushable is a word that’s been commandeered by the IPA business — more colonizing nonsense — but ultimately it has always applied to gin and tonics.
And thus, as it is 95 degrees in Wisconsin today and the world around us is broiling, it seems like as good a time as any for a G&T taste test. I’m pairing up three relatively new gins — OK, two new-ish gins and one variant from Hendrick’s, which has been around since 1999 but looks much older — to figure out which I want to add to my stable.
And it’s a pretty small stable; my go-to gin is The Botanist, distilled on Islay in Scotland against the backdrop one of the world’s last truly perfect towns. But The Botanist, delicious as it is, can be tough to find in middle America, so it’s time to broaden my horizons.
The short pour. The underwhelming bourbon. The superfluous steps. The smirking doofus lecturing us without a word. This video is awful.
The old fashioned is a drink for the people. But last week, a frankly disturbing viral video showed how it can be weaponized by the worst people at the bar: the hipster doofus.
Some guy on TikTok — I’m not going to further dignify his desperate plea for attention by naming him — posted a video of an entirely too formal craft bartender taking entirely too long to make what promises to be a thoroughly underwhelming cocktail. There isn’t a single word spoken in the two-minute, 21-second video. It still feels like an hour-long lecture at the Community College of Alienating Friends and Disturbing Customers.
This “perfect old fashioned” somehow takes a drink that can be made properly a thousand different ways and makes it wrong. It’s a minutes-long process for a beverage any dive bartender in the state of Wisconsin can make 10 times faster while tasting 10 times better. And while that brings up the debate on traditional vs. midwestern, bourbon vs. rye vs. Dairyland brandy variant and sweet vs. sour, almost every old fashioned drinker can agree: This guy needs to calm the hell down.
So, let’s discuss every aspect of this ridiculous video that’s remained lodged in my brain for the past week.
Celebrate St. Patrick’s Day in style with a host of cocktail concepts from some favorite brands, mixologists and bars. They’re the perfect companions to our line up of holiday recipes here. Remember to enjoy responsibly. The shamrocks, not you, are …
Celebrate St. Patrick’s Day in style with a host of cocktail concepts from some favorite brands, mixologists and bars. They’re the perfect companions to our line up of holiday recipes here. Remember to enjoy responsibly. The shamrocks, not you, are meant to be green…
3 large basil leaves, Chiffonade (cut into long, thin strips)
1 pint sugar
Directions
Cut strawberries into small pieces. Combine with basil and sugar and mix vigorously, slightly bruising strawberries. Cover and store for 12 hours. For cocktail, in a shaker, muddle strawberries. Combine remaining ingredients. Shake and strain into a rocks serving glass.
Bring the Guinness to a simmer in a saucepan and allow to reduce by approximately half. Add cinnamon and pink peppercorn. Whisk in Demerara sugar. Stir and simmer for 5 minutes, allowing mixture to thicken. Strain and cool. For cocktail, combine all ingredients in mixing glass, stir to chill. Strain and serve in a rocks glass.
Knock Out
Created by Sonny Verdini, Bar Manager, TRADE (Boston)
The Knock Out.
Ingredients
1-1/2 ounces Proper No. Twelve Irish Whiskey
1 ounce cinnamon syrup
3/4 ounce house-made ginger liquor
1/2 ounce lemon juice
3 dashes Angostura bitters
Directions
Shake ingredients into a single rocks glass. Garnish with dehydrated cinnamon sugar and lemon wheel.
Combine ingredients into glass and garnish with lemon and cloves.
Proper Irish Coffee
Ingredients
2 ounces Proper No. Twelve Irish Whiskey
4 ounces hot coffee
3/4 ounce simple syrup
2-3 ounces heavy cream
Directions
In a shaker, shake or whip heavy cream until slightly thickened (not completely stiff). In mug, add whiskey, hot coffee and simple syrup. Stir. Carefully layer thickened heavy cream until it covers drink. Grate nutmeg on top.
Place simple syrup in a julep glass with 5-6 mint leaves and muddle. Fill the glass halfway with ice. Add 1-1/2 parts D’USSÉ VSOP Cognac and stir. Add more ice and remaining D’USSÉ. Stir again until the glass is fully frosted. Top with ice.
Pour Irish Stout into the bottom of a cocktail glass. Combine gin, egg, raw honey syrup and orange in a shaker tin with ice. Shake then double strain into the glass.
Vermont Coffee
Vermont Coffee.
Ingredients
1-1/2 ounces Tom Cat Gin
Black Strong Coffee
1/2 ounce Maple syrup
Maple/Angostura Whipped Cream
Maple/Angostura Whipped Cream
Whip in a bowl or shake without ice in a shaker: 1 cup of heavy whipping cream, 1 tablespoon of maple syrup, 7 dashes of angostura bitters.
Directions
Combine ingredients in an Irish coffee glass, top with the whipped cream.
Add all ingredients and one cup of ice to a blender, Blend until smooth, pour into shot glasses, or a tiki mug for a full-sized drink. Garnish with fresh kiwi wheel.
Coco Moco
Coco Moco.
Ingredients
4 ounces good quality chocolate bar (dark 65-75 percent) roughly chopped
4 tablespoons brown sugar
12-ounce carton coconut milk beverage
6 ounces freshly brewed hot coffee
3 ounces Kōloa Coffee Rum
1 ounces Kōloa Coconut Rum (1/2 ounce per drink)
Directions
Combine chopped chocolate, brown sugar and coconut milk in a small saucepan over medium heat, whisking constantly until the chocolate is completely melted and the mixture is smooth. Pour 1-1/2 ounces (shot glass/jigger size) Kōloa Coffee Rum into a large ceramic mug or glass then top with 3 ounces hot coffee. Stir then top with half of the coconut milk mixture stirring well to combine. Repeat with other mug/cup. Garnish with whipped cream, lightly toasted coconut shavings, finely chopped macadamia nuts, and chocolate shavings.
Mix Demerara syrup and orange bitters in old fashioned glass and add a dash of plain water. Fill the glass with ice cubes and add Kōloa Spice Rum. Garnish with orange slice and a cocktail cherry.
Mint Julep
Ingredients
2 ounces Hillrock Solera Bourbon
1/2 ounce simple syrup
3-4 fresh mint leaves
Directions
In a rocks glass, gently muddle the mint leaves to release their oils. Fill the glass with crush ice and pour the bourbon and simple syrup over the ice, stir just long enough to blend ingredients and garnish with fresh mint.
Muddle mint with lime juice and a few ice cubes, add to a cocktail shaker with remaining ingredients, except club soda and shake. Fine strain into a cocktail glass with ice and add club soda. Garnish with mint sprig.
Add fresh ginger in a cocktail shaker and muddle until fine. Add all remaining ingredients and ice to the cocktail shaker. Shake and strain into a rocks glass filed with ice. Garnish with a rosemary sprig and a piece of candied ginger on the rim.
I have not been, in general, a tequila guy. Much of the blame here can be placed on cheap tequilas and the ubiquitous presence of Solo cups in college, and for the most part I’ve avoided it in favor of beer or whiskey. But as canned cocktails grow in popularity its place in the landscape is unignorable. There are gonna be a lot of good to-go tequila drinks out there, so I should probably get on board.
Turns out, Freshie’s Organic Tequila Seltzer is a decent to start.
