Glenglassaugh has a classic scotch story — one that nearly ended multiple times. It was one of Scotland’s many coastal distilleries, a whisky mill in a classic stone building turning water into something better. The northeastern fishing town, a breezy mix of salt and sand, saw its brewer shutter its doors twice since its 1875 founding. Once in 1908 and once as it faced the hardships of the whisky crash of the 1980s.
But the stills roared back to life in 2008. Now, a little more than 15 years later, Glenglassaugh has pushed its way back onto the marketplace with a proper dram. 2023 marked an aggressive marking strategy revolving around a new 12-year whisky to complement the distillery’s other standbys. Its place as a coastal Highland suggests it could hit the sweet spot between the inland’s smoother, full-bodied malts and Islay’s salty, smoky, brassy offerings.
I love both those styles. Let’s see how Glenglassaugh holds up.
First off, allow me to apologize for a headline referencing a terrible movie from nearly two decades ago. I am referring to, of course, the classic 2006 vehicle Failure to Launch starring Matthew McConaughey (playing, boldly, Matthew McConaughey) and Terry Bradshaw (playing, boldly, Terry Bradshaw). It’s just that a review of Sammy Hagar’s rum got a nice traffic rub by dropping a “can’t drive 55” line in there and, well, your boy needs those clicks.
But yes, Bradshaw is the latest celebrity to wade into the crowded pool of famous folks hawking alcohol. His Bradshaw Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey. The Hall of Fame quarterback, significantly less than that country singer, surprisingly prolific 2000s film actor and pre/post-game show staple is a man of many talents, and now he’s stepping into the malt game — or at least lending his reputation to it.
That that reputation … phew. Bradshaw’s Super Bowl accolades are all over this dang thing. The bottle only has three printed labels and his NFL titles are mentioned four times. This bottle drops “IX, X, XII, XIV” like a typical episode of Lost threw out “four, eight, 15, 16, 23 and 42.”
This also provides hope. Bradshaw’s a southern man with a history of success. Of course he’s gonna know bourbon. His malt should lie on the upper spectrum of celebrity alcohols.
We look at the latest weird products from fast food companies, a coffee chain and a distillery. Plus: Why you should care.
Every week, new food products come to market and some of them— healthy snacks, oddball drinks, fast food experiments, and a few novelty knickknacks — are creative enough to demand attention. Below we’ve put the spotlight on recently released products that made us either smile or do a double-take. Note: we haven’t tasted them… yet.
Why you should care: This New Hampshire company hasteamed up with folks from the University of New Hampshire to create a green crab-flavored whiskey. Why green crabs? Because they’re delicious? Not really; the crustaceans are damaging New England’s coastal ecosystem. And making whiskey out of the critters is a form of sustainable population control. The final product, made with a bourbon base, is 51 percent ABV and is said to have notes of maple, vanilla, and caramel on the nose, followed by cinnamon, clove, and all-spice. Maybe a little brine too?
Why you should care: Rarely has ketchup been promoted to lead role in the culinary world. But times change. Voila: French’s is working with the Canadian ice pop brand Happy Pops to create ketchup ice pops, which is just what it sounds like: condiment frozen on stick and described as a delicious salty-sweet mashup. Currently, they’re only available as giveaways (and in Canada only). But you never know. French’s has already launched a mustard ice cream in the states. Could ketchup be next?
Price: Free if you can find it in Canada
Hey Canadian friends, your favorite condiment just got a whole lot cooler 🍅🧊
A refreshingly savoury & sweet ketchup popsicle, made from 100% Canadian tomatoes.
Why you should care: Oregon-based ice cream company Salt & Straw teamed up with Portland perfumery Imaginary Authors to release three ice cream “perfumes.” The flavors/scents include A Cloud of Cocoa (notes of Ecuadorian chocolate, malted milkshake, and Japanese whisky), A Plume of Blumes (honeysuckle and jasmine), and A Swoon of Citrus (the tartness of citrus balanced with the herbal undertones of an entire orchard). The products launch online and as a topping in shops starting July 17th, National Ice Cream Day. You can sign up for the waitlist by visiting the site. Smell ya later.
Price:$65 for a 65 mL bottle, $48 for a trio of 10 mL travel-sized bottles. Available at Salt & Straw’s scoop shops and online
Why you should care: According to the company formerly owned by Colonel Sanders, this is a “new ergonomic and gastronomic piece of tableware-tech” that will finally make KFC’s sides as finger-lickin’ good as its fried chicken. Ok, that may be a stretch, but they’re certainly the most useful culinary finger puppets we’ve seen and they will help you scoop out your mac & cheese, corn, and mashed potatoes (though this was never actually a problem). They’ve also produced a kitschy video to promote their “revolutionary eating device.” See video below.
Price:Free for anyone who orders a KFC Sides Lovers Meal in person, online, in app, or at participating locations between June 21 and July 12 (while supplies last).
Krispy Kreme Ice Cream
Full name: Krispy Kreme Original Glazed Soft Serve Ice Cream (and Shakes)
Why you should care: For the first time ever, Krispy Kreme now offers Original Glazed Soft Serve Ice Cream — made with ingredients from Krispy Kreme’s secret Original Glazed Doughnut recipe, including its iconic glaze flavor, as well as real whole milk. The confection’s available in waffle cones — made with Krispy Kreme’s doughnut mix and glaze flavor and cups — in three flavors: plain Original Glazed, Strawberry Iced Sprinkled, or Chocolate Iced. It’s also offering shakes designed to taste like Krispy Kreme doughnut varieties: Original Glazed, Strawberry Iced Sprinkled, Chocolate Iced, Lemon Filled, Cookies & Kreme, Birthday Batter, and Coffee & Kreme. Your summer diet plan will just have to wait.
Price: Products are available in-shop and drive-thru only (for details and to search for a store near you, check out their online store)
Photo: Krispy Kreme
Starbucks’ First Fried Chicken Sandwich
Full name: Starbucks Chicken Maple Butter and Egg Sandwich
Why you should care: Almost every other fast-food chain has introduced some kind of fried chicken sandwich — Wendy’s, McDonald’s, Popeyes, KFC, you name it. Now, finally, Starbucks jumps into the game with this breakfast item featuring breaded white meat chicken, fluffy eggs, and maple butter on a toasted oat biscuit roll. As you might expect, Youtubers have already pounced on the opportunity to review the thing.
I am skeptical about this bourbon. It screams pandering to a demographic willing to pay whatever it takes to get a Vineyard Vines whale monogrammed on their golf bag. Manning says the 13-year blended malt, which experts speculate is from the George Dickel distillery in Tennessee, is pretty good. Of course, in the same Indy Star article where he talks about his new liquor he also admits to getting heavily into Michelob Ultra.
Peyton Manning has never met a grind he didn’t embrace. Football, sure, but even in his playing days he was opening up pizza chains and hawking DirecTV with shocking efficiency. Now he’s on to his latest venture: whiskey.
Well, not just whiskey. Bourbon. Specifically, bourbon for rich dads.
Ok, fine. I get the hustle. I even get Manning doing the legwork to cold call Indiana liquor stores to coerce them into stocking his signature booze. Who in the Hoosier State is going to say no to Peyton Manning?
For the most part, though, Manning calls himself an “authentic beer drinker.” He has rotated from heavy beer to light beer and now, 45 years old, Michelob Ultra has been a dear friend to him, he said.
Michelob Ultra is actively marketed to marathoners, fitness dorks, and anyone else who feels a bottle of High Life is “too heavy.” Holding a can is a warning that you will, unprompted, tell a stranger about that killer WOD you had this morning. Then follow that with “oh, I’m sorry, WOD is workout of the day. It’s a CrossFit thing.” The beverage itself is as satisfying as someone describing a beer over a choppy Zoom call.
Then there’s the cost; the man with the fridge stocked with Michelob — the guy who went to school where they proudly drink their corn from a jar — would like you to buy a $200 blended bourbon. For the same price as one fifth I could pick up four bottles of Old Forester 1920 Prohibition Style Whiskey or, if you’re more into peaty Scotches, three bottles of Lagavulin 16 (it’s Wisconsin. Booze is cheap. Bars outnumber churches). Esquire says it’s overpriced but also better than Scottie Pippen’s bourbon or Nick Jonas’s tequila, so … take that how you will.
Ultimately it’s probably a pretty good malt — it’s aged like a premium spirit and blended by master distiller Marianne Eaves, who most connoisseurs agree rules — that retails for twice as much as what it’s worth because a Hall of Famer called up your local liquor store, worked “Omaha” and “laser rocket arm” into a three-minute conversation, and found a spot on the top shelf where the Stagg and Black Maple Hill used to be. Every pour comes with a story about how this is “Peyton Manning’s whiskey” and how it fits equally as well on a golf course or in a hunting lodge in front of a roaring fire. It is a whiskey designed to impress your boss or father-in-law. It is bottled clout.
