Ranking every flavor of Hard Mountain Dew, because it’s summer and America needs this

Hard Mountain Dew is a phenomenon — a branded booze that actually lives up to its name. So what flavors stand out the most?

A burgeoning new world of alcohol is upon us. Mountain Dew now has booze in it.

Not the traditional soft drink version, of course, but Hard MTN Dew is a malt beverage true to its original roots. And at five percent alcohol and 100 calories, it’s a proper contender to the throne of an ever-expanding hard seltzer/canned cocktail empire. Gone are the days where you had to mix tequila or vodka into your neon green beverage to create that perfect combat margarita taste. Instead, we live in an era where we can simply choose to do so.

Hard Dew is more than just hype. When I reviewed it last year I was seriously impressed with the amount of true-to-brand flavor the company was able to cram into each can with a seltzer-style calorie payload (and more booze than a light beer). And I clearly wasn’t the only one, as the folks behind the launch haven’t just expanded to new territories — 14 states and counting — but new flavors. Summer 2023 was the backdrop for a Baja Blast-themed extension that brings the Hard MTN Dew portfolio up to eight flavors.

And, because I am a journalist, I am ranking them.

USA TODAY Ad Meter Rewind: Looking back at Mountain Dew’s ‘Puppy Monkey Baby’

The 2016 Super Bowl commercial lives on to this day, even growing stronger

Sit back, and let me tell you a tale that would make oil and water jealous.

It happened in 2016 on a Super Bowl Sunday. The big game had already become a memorable event well before kickoff, with a trivia question arising after the NFL think tank nixed the typical Roman numerals for the number “50”, thus avoiding the Super Bowl L jokes (that happened anyway).

The matchup pitted the Denver Broncos and the Carolina Panthers. Peyton Manning vs. Cam Newton.

The location was San Francisco’s Levi’s Stadium.

Lady Gaga had the mic for the National Anthem, and Coldplay covered the halftime duties, along with Bruno Mars, Mark Ronson and Beyonce.

It was CBS’ turn in the broadcast booth, a pre-Tony Romo set headed by Jim Nantz and Phil Simms.

The pregame hoopla gave way to the kickoff…

RATE EVERY SUPER BOWL AD: Become an Ad Meter panelist and pick this year’s winner

When the clock ticked to zero in the fourth quarter, the Broncos would be champs, winners of a game with the third-largest viewing audience in Super Bowl history: 111.9 million.

And, of course, you could say many of those millions were simply tuning in to see the commercials.

This is where my tale really takes place.

The 2016 Super Bowl commercial lineup wasn’t an all-time great in the overall pop-cultural vault, but it did have its moments—from a Weiner Dog stampede to Christopher Walken and his “Walken Closet.”

History was made as Hyundai took the top spot in the USA TODAY Ad Meter ratings—out of the 63 ads in the national block—becoming the first car brand to earn that distinction.

The cost for a 30-second commercial that year? Upwards of $5 million.

But most of that is forgotten at this point: The game, who sang the National Anthem, who flipped the coin, the halftime show, and even the Ad Meter champion.

What’s not forgotten?

Puppy Monkey Baby.

That’s what.

Don’t miss a second of the big game rush: WATCH the latest Super Bowl commercial buzz on YouTube AdBlitz

The mashup of epic sidewinding creativity from Mountain Dew came to life during the commercial break in 2016 and left a vast array of emotions among the audience, ones typically reserved for movie trailers or wardrobe malfunctions.

Agency BBDO was behind the ad, with Don Marshall Wilhelmi serving as creative director and copywriter.

He reflected on the spot in MEL Magazine, saying, “It’s probably the biggest TV investment that they can make because it’s one of the few times during the year where people pay attention to ads. So when a brand chooses to do one, what they’re looking for is to get attention — they want to get talked about.

“That being said, there’s kind of this running gag in the ad world that, in Super Bowl spots, the most popular ads have cute puppies, babies doing something silly, or there’s a monkey, as there were a few years in a row where monkeys were in everything.”

And thus, an unlikely star was born.

The commercial was by no means a hit in the Ad Meter ratings, mind you, landing 55th overall with a sub-4 rating (out of 10).

But just as not all heroes wear capes, not all successful commercials end the night cloaked in greatness.

That can take time, especially when it’s a mix of things that shouldn’t be mixed.

And now? Well, during every Super Bowl commercial rush, there is a whisper that steadily grows into a conversational roar…

A BARK-CRY-OOH-OHH-AHH-AHH:

Beverage of the Week: Hard Mountain Dew is the balm to heal our burned nation

Particularly the watermelon flavor. My god, the watermelon flavor, folks.

Welcome back to FTW’s Beverage of the Week series. Here, we mostly chronicle and review beers, but happily expand that scope to any beverage that pairs well with sports. Yes, even cookie dough whiskey.

Mountain Dew has long been a staple of low-budget boozing. It’s always been easy to pair with alcohol; an Army buddy clued me in to the versatility of “combat margaritas,” which is Dew mixed with whatever bottle you can dig up near the base. About a decade ago, when our nation was gripped by its Whipped Cream Vodka phase (just me? You sure?), Diet Mountain Dew and the perky booze in question combined to make a drink, I swear, tasted pretty much like Sour Skittles.

The folks at PepsiCo understood this. That’s why they made a hard seltzer version of Mountain Dew. They also understood it would take time for a nation to adjust to Dew its residents wouldn’t have to bother mixing extra liquor into. That’s why it’s only available in a few select states.

After rolling out in Florida, Tennessee and Iowa (the big three!), Hard Mountain Dew’s multicolored variety packs — three cans each of Baja Blast, watermelon, black cherry and traditional Dew flavor — doubled that scope to Arkansas, Oklahoma and Minnesota. Feeling regrets yet, coastal elites?

It hasn’t yet made it to Wisconsin’s rabid market, but I happened to have a friend passing through the Ozarks a couple weeks back. He first picked up a 12-er at Wal-Mart as a joke, then drank that and a couple more before buying a few more for the trip home.

This was the highest possible praise for a beverage for which I held no legitimate hopes. Now, I drink it to honor him.

And honor the soda that once marketed itself as the top choice of hillbillies everywhere, of course.

WATCH Bryan Cranston and Tracee Ellis Ross put a new twist on classic scene from ‘The Shining’ in MTN DEW Zero Sugar Super Bowl spot

MTN DEW Zero Sugar is out to prove that some things can be as good as the original and has brought in two new offseason residents at The Overlook Hotel to do it: Award-winning actors, Bryan Cranston and Tracee Ellis Ross. The two star in the PepsiCo …

MTN DEW Zero Sugar is out to prove that some things can be as good as the original and has brought in two new offseason residents at The Overlook Hotel to do it: Award-winning actors, Bryan Cranston and Tracee Ellis Ross.

The two star in the PepsiCo brand’s 30-second Super Bowl LIV spot, a nostalgic nod to the “The Shining” that adds a new twist on a classic introduction.

Ironically, although he downplays it a bit, Bryan Cranston does a pretty decent Jack Nicholson impersonation. When Ad Meter spoke to the actor about his role in the Super Bowl spot, Nicholson’s uniquely iconic voice and persona were mentioned, followed by a brief pause—and then ,it happened. “You can’t help but talk like him,” he smoothly exclaimed in classic Nicholson-ese.

The interesting thing, however, was the eventual answer to the question was no. It was something that he and the director Tom Kuntz—who won an Emmy for Commercial of the Year in 2010—both agreed would be a wise sidestep. “I told Tom that I didn’t want to do an impersonation of (Jack),” Cranston candidly recalled. “And he said, ‘Oh no. We don’t want you to do that either.'”

The idea instead would be to recreate the infamous “Here’s Johnny!” scene— including a set design that even used a few props from the original set to make everything as realistic as possible—and rely upon the actor’s talents to pull off a difficult challenge: make the product the star while not going overboard, or over time.

That left the possibility of things falling flat, but it also avoided any flashy takes that would overshadow the buildup. And it was that type of pre-production coordination between actor, director, and everyone involved, that allowed the story to be told authentically…and in 30 seconds.

The time crunch, as the Breaking Bad star humorously noted, certainly would have been a nightmare for the film’s original director Stanley Kubrick (whom he studied and admired). But it was something Kuntz was able to manage, and Cranston benefited from it.

“I leaned on Tom a lot,” he explained, “to keep me focused on the tempo and the timing of it, and how sometimes compressed that storytelling is—different from doing film or television, or even the stage.”

How the efforts are received on the biggest stage—Super Bowl Sunday—will ultimately reveal how much of a shining moment all of it is.

Check out the EXCLUSIVE behind-the-scenes photos with Bryan Cranston and Tracee Ellis Ross: