The Giants’ new red throwback uniforms are amazing in all the worst ways

MIchigan helmet, Montreal jersey, Notre Dame pants. Pure New York, baby.

The New York Giants have spent 100 seasons in the NFL. In that span, they’ve won Super Bowls, played home to legends and spoiled the New England Patriots’ attempt to make history on two different occasions.

They’ve also cultivated some of the sharpest, cleanest uniforms in the NFL. New York’s red, white and blue color scheme, topped with a navy helmet and white logo, is one of the league’s most iconic looks. It’s been worn by everyone from Lawrence Taylor to Eli Manning.

While that’s effectively the uniform the team uses today, it would make sense for any 2024 throwback to embrace that heritage with subtle tweaks to any of the team’s world championship runs.

That is not what the New York Giants did.

Instead, the Giants went to an unliscensed vendor outside the Montreal Canadiens’ home rink and asked for $10,000 worth of merchandise. The team’s ode to 1938 — a year in which New York won the NFL title by beating division rivals like the Brooklyn Dodgers and Pittsburgh Pirates — is a tribute to the days when no one had any new or original uniform ideas.

The helmet? Of course it’s the Michigan Wolverines/Delaware Blue Hens eyelash stripe, antiquated right down to the lack of contrast or shadow. The jerseys are stacks of red on blue, harkening back to a post-war era where fabric stores evidently limited you to no more than a yard of a single color per purchase. The pants, for some reason, are a rich, healthy shade of urine.

But, you may be asking, how will they look on the field? Fortunately, the Giants’ public relations office already managed to take a shot of Daniel Jones looking downfield and filling with doubt, just like in a real game.

via nfl.com/giants
via nfl.com/giants

Credit to the photographer who captured the exact moment of “nope, can’t make that throw” from the studio.

These uniforms, clad in Keanu Reeves’ The Replacements colors and stitched like a Belgian fashion designer thinks a football jersey might look despite never watching a game, are a mess. The vertical stripe of the helmet gives way to the horizontal stripe of the jerseys and, for some reason, socks. Between the shoulder panel (why?) to the cleats, the uniform flips from blue to red seven times.

The Giants had 100 years of history from which to choose. The video the team produced proved there were better options than this — simpler kits that could be more easily translated into something modern. There were seven other championship teams from which to borrow and 11 others who made it to the NFL title game.

Instead, the team opted to display its heritage and uniqueness with Michigan helmets, Montreal jerseys and Notre Dame pants.

It’s easy to make fun of the New York Giants. Fun, too. Sometimes these moments arise organically, like when their franchise quarterback breaks away for an 80-plus yard touchdown run just to trip over his own feet in the open field like a baby giraffe.

Other times they’re served up to us, reminding the world that, despite a genuinely great offseason — really! New York is in position to make another playoff push if Jones can harness his 2022 short-range wizardry! — there’s still so much to laugh about when it comes to the Giants. New York tried to remind the world of its long, proud history with throwback uniforms. Instead, the franchise lobbed up another softball for fans to crush.