During the summer of 2019 my pal Mason Ginsberg put forth an idea so painfully simple that we all laughed. The Rockets had a Chris Paul issue, who wasn’t gelling super well with James Harden, and the Thunder had an issue with Russell Westbrook, who wasn’t fitting into the future vision of the team.
As NBA writers worked out which teams had expiring contracts and calculated could offer a comprehensive package of assets and draft picks, Mason proposed something else, something so simple that, at the time, it actually seemed radical: The teams should just trade Chris Paul for Russell Westbrook.
AND THEN IT HAPPENED.
We laughed and we laughed. It was perfect. For a league that was so complex, with mid-level exceptions and Bird Rights and expiring deals and protected draft picks, here was a trade right out of a beginners’ fantasy league. Sometimes, you just want to put another guy in the lineup, and you do a trade. One player for another player. Straight up.
I’ve become obsessed with this idea, and now want it to occur as often as humanly possible, mostly because I’m a dumb idiot man and don’t want to have to think about if a future second round pick is enough of an asset to justify the whatever. Just trade one guy for another guy.
I’m here to help other teams. Let’s find six painfully simple trades. All via ESPN’s Trade Machine.
1. Joel Embiid for Karl-Anthony Towns
This one comes from the legend himself, Mason Ginsberg, and remains the gold standard for this season. It’s a perfect trade. Let’s just do it. Let’s not think about it too much. Actually, don’t think about it at all. Either team. Stop thinking. No more thinking. Just trade.
2. Steven Adams for Marc Gasol
I am delighted by this one. Thunder get an expiring contract in Marc Gasol who can still keep the team interesting, and Raptors get Steven Adams for a playoff push. If you need to throw a draft pick in or whatever, fine, but let’s not think too much. Again: The point of this exercise is to limit thinking.
3. DeMar DeRozan for Andre Drummond
This trade makes no sense. None. I have no justification for it. But, like, you know that that old saying “a good compromise leaves everyone unhappy?” Maybe that makes this a good trade. Everyone will be unhappy with this trade, so it’s … good?
OK, it’s awful. Let’s move on. I’m telling you I had a great one for Robert Covington here but he got traded last night and screwed up my whole thing. Idiot Nate. Big dumb, idiot Nate.
4. Kevin Love for D’Angelo Russell
This trade broke ESPN’s Trade Machine. According to it, the Warriors would win 26 fewer games with Kevin Love. They currently have 12 wins, so … I don’t even know. This trade would also somehow destroy the Cavaliers, who would be 16 wins worse off.
It’s rare to find a trade that would somehow destroy two franchises simultaneously. For that reason alone, we should do it. Just to see what would happen. Come on, Warriors and Cavaliers. Now you’re curious. Now you gotta find out.
5. Clint Capela for Andre Iguodala
Memphis has an Andre Iguodala problem. Here, I solved the Andre Iguodala problem.
UPDATE: Clint Capela was traded in a four-team deal last night but I’m so proud of this one I’m leaving it on here, because FOUR TEAMS IS TOO MANY TEAMS. IT’S PIGGISH.
6. Thad Young for Dion Waiters
Thad Young is a somewhat competent-ish basketball player and, by virtue of that, can make the Heat better. Dion Waiters can go to the Bulls, who can’t imaginably get any worse. Plus Waiters might lead an actual coup d’état against his own coach in Chicago, and that would be a fun footnote in NBA history.
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