Tag: 2023 NFL Week 5

Mike McDaniel had a delightful deadpan response to learning the Dolphins were on a record pace

This was classic Mike McDaniel, who definitely doesn’t care about empty stats.

Mike McDaniel has a reputation for being something of a satirical genius. I don’t mean McDaniel is offensive or harmful in any way, either. No, no. This is a guy at the helm of a revolutionary Miami Dolphins offense who knows he’s brilliant and refreshingly refuses to take a lot of things seriously.

Take the Dolphins’ red-hot 4-1 start, for example.

They have the best offense in professional football in most relevant metrics and are on pace to break various records. Through five games, Miami has the most total offensive yards in NFL history, with 2568. That’s no small feat and should be celebrated — even if it hasn’t won the Dolphins anything meaningful.

When asked about the Dolphins’ blistering statistical output, McDaniel was at his best. He had a delightful deadpan answer for an “achievement” he clearly doesn’t care much about:

Classic. I can just feel the sarcasm dripping off McDaniel’s comment. “Why yes, our Dolphins had no other aspirations aside from statistics in over a month of play, why do you ask?” How can you not laugh at that?!

Responses like this make it clear we haven’t had a successful, colorful character like McDaniel in the NFL in a long time.

Micah Parsons says the score doesn’t reflect the 49ers’ shellacking of the Cowboys, is delusional

Parsons is deluding himself because the Cowboys are nowhere CLOSE to the 49ers.

You can forgive the Dallas Cowboys for not seeing the forest for the trees for a moment. This was a team with legitimate Super Bowl aspirations entering the 2023 season. They thought they finally had the horses to lift the franchise’s first Lombardi Trophy since 1995.

Then reality came ruthlessly crashing down in the form of a 49ers’ 42-10 massacre of Dallas on Sunday Night Football. In the immediate aftermath, it’s hard to accept that you’re not good enough, that you don’t belong with the big boys, and that all of your offseason hard work probably meant nothing.

But that doesn’t remotely excuse Micah Parsons, who showed a remarkable lack of self-awareness after the Cowboys’ pantsing on national television. According to Michael Gehlken of the Dallas Morning News, Parsons was in full-on cope mode. He proclaimed that the score — which, again, saw the 49ers win by over 30 points — doesn’t accurately reflect the difference between the two long-time NFC rivals.

Parsons has never sounded more delusional:

Let’s rip Parsons’ statement piece by piece in bullet points:

  • The 49ers ARE at a higher level than the Cowboys. Most of this same San Francisco roster has played in three of the last four NFC title games, something Dallas hasn’t achieved since 1995.
  • The Cowboys are NOT a similar-caliber playoff team. Their sole two playoff wins in the Dak Prescott era came over fledgling Seattle Seahawks and Tampa Bay Buccaneers squads in the Wild Card Round.
  • The Cowboys do NOT have the same talent. While their roster is indeed Very Good, San Francisco has perennial All-Pro caliber players everywhere. And at quarterback, Brock Purdy is probably better than Prescott at this point.
  • The Cowboys do NOT have the same standards. Even reaching the NFC title game would be considered a holiday in the Dallas area. Just reaching the NFC title game and falling short again would be a massive disappointment for the Bay Area.
  • There is NO easy fix for what the 49ers did to the Cowboys. While I don’t doubt they’ll put a better foot forward if they meet again in January, San Francisco outclassed Dallas on Sunday evening. The score DOES really show what happened out there.

It’s on Parsons to put his money where his mouth is. Maybe he’s right. Maybe the Cowboys are close to the 49ers. But absolutely nothing from Sunday night suggests that is true.

New Bijan Robinson skycam video makes his one-hand, crossover TD catch seem impossibly easy

He NEVER looked at the ball once it touched his hand!!!

It’s still early, but Bijan Robinson has to be one of the NFL’s favorites for Offensive Rookie of the Year. The 21-year-old already has over 500 all-purpose yards and has been a leading catalyst in propelling the Atlanta Falcons into the NFC South race.

It also turns out that he happens to make absurd plays look so easy and so cool every Sunday. And the Falcons really like showing off their new toy.

On Monday, after the Falcons overcame the Houston Texans in a thrilling 21-19 win, Atlanta shared yet another awesome skycam video of Robinson doing something incredible. In this case, it was his fourth-quarter touchdown catch, where he caught the ball with one hand and pinned it to his hip while seemingly making a “crossover” motion.

Once again, it makes Robinson seem like the superhero playing football:

The Falcons knew what they were getting when they selected Robinson in the top 10 of April’s draft. He’s a genuine difference-maker, a playmaker who can turn anything into a meaningful gain or explosive yardage. And it’s such a pleasure to watch him play football.

The Vikings executed a brilliant fake punt by playing tricks with a safety and running back

Whoever drew this creative play up should take a bow!

Any time you play a juggernaut like the Kansas City Chiefs, all bets are off. You’re going to want to pull out all the stops to gain any advantage in what will likely be a dogfight until the final whistle.

With one key fourth-down call Sunday, the Minnesota Vikings showed they were ready to rise to the occasion. (Well, aside from a first-play fumble.)

When Minnesota found itself at midfield near the end of the second quarter, Kevin O’Connell didn’t want to wave the white towel. He greenlit his special teams unit dialing up an incredibly cool fake punt featuring safety Josh Metellus taking a direct snap before handing the ball off to running back Ty Chandler. Naturally, Chandler took the carry 15 yards on a possession where the Vikings would eventually score a touchdown.

I’m … not sure I’ve ever seen something like this:

Here’s another angle of the play showing off the exchange between Metellus and Chandler:

If you’re gonna aim for the king, you best not miss. Beyond beating the Chiefs head-to-head, trick plays and fake punts like this should always be considered. The Vikings took a gamble and won their bet on this play. It just wasn’t enough in an eventual 27-20 defeat.

Jim Nantz brutally piled on the Vikings’ turnover woes after a first-play fumble

“He fumbles the ball and the script continues!!!”

Entering their matchup with the Kansas City Chiefs, no one in the NFL had more turnovers than the Minnesota Vikings. In just four games, Minnesota had 11 giveaways — with two fumbles happening on the opening possession in four games — continually shooting itself in the foot in an early 1-3 start. The Vikings certainly understood this problem could not continue against a juggernaut like the Chiefs if they were going to notch the upset win.

Despite their best efforts, tight end Josh Oliver turned a first-play 15-yard pass into another giveaway at the start of the game. And wasting no time to capture the Vikings stepping on a rake again was Jim Nantz.

The CBS football announcer immediately jumped into an appropriately theatrical call about Minnesota’s turnover woes:

In most other respects, an offense fumbling the ball on the first play of the game is a disaster. For the Vikings to do it on the first play of the game after all of their rampant issues — eight fumbles in five games! — is an unmitigated catastrophe. Nantz’s “catastrophe voice” was perfect for this moment.

Tony Romo was incredibly melodramatic reacting to Travis Kelce’s possible injury

Tony Romo recklessly made Travis Kelce’s injury seem a lot worse.

We’re over a month into the 2023 NFL season, and we haven’t heard much from everyone’s “favorite” golden retriever football announcer, Tony Romo. After Travis Kelce slipped without any contact Sunday, Romo showed us he still has terrific object permanence. You just have to jingle your keys to get his attention sometimes.

As the Kansas City Chiefs tried to mount a late first-half drive against the Minnesota Vikings, Kelce caught a routine outlet pass and fell down without being touched. Before even seeing how Kelce himself reacted or letting the moment breathe, Romo immediately jumped to melodramatics and the worst possible conclusion — in turn, coloring how viewers at home would view it.

Even if it does turn out to be a serious ailment, Kelce did stand up and walk off under his own power. That makes Romo’s initial comment — and when he continued to double down as Kelce returned to the sideline with his helmet — very irresponsible.

Look, football is a dangerous game that takes its toll on everyone who plays. The least a professional announcer can do is NOT speculate or add fuel to the fire before we know what happened with someone’s injury. They will more than likely be the person who gets to shape public opinion first, and they should take that platform seriously.

I know he won’t change anything about his “I don’t know!” approach to football announcing, but it’d be nice for Romo to take this critical message to heart, at least.

The Saints handed Bill Belichick the worst home loss of his legendary coaching career

Bill Belichick has never had a team THIS bad.

Under Bill Belichick, the New England Patriots enjoyed the greatest sustained run in professional football history to start the 21st century. Case closed. Now, they’re making history for all the wrong reasons after an atrocious 34-0 loss at the hands of the New Orleans Saints on Sunday afternoon.

With the defeat, the Patriots not only fell to 1-4 — an almost impossible hole to dig out of, even with 12 games remaining — they gave Belichick a black mark on his resume. In the legend’s entire head coaching career, which includes 24 seasons with the Patriots and five with the Cleveland Browns, he had never lost by more than 30 points at home until Sunday. Think about how wild that number is and how consistent Belichick’s teams have been that it took him almost 30 years to lose by at least 30 at home.

And think about what it says for these current Patriots amidst their tailspin, who lost 38-3 to the Dallas Cowboys just a week prior:

If that 72-3 scoring margin over the last two weeks wasn’t enough, the Patriots have now gone over 30 possessions without scoring a touchdown:

Belichick has won six Super Bowls with the Patriots, and he made them a regular AFC powerhouse fixture for the better part of two decades. The 71-year-old has earned the right to do whatever he wants with the lead headset. But as the Patriots continue to flounder like this (gestures at an incompetent dumpster fire), questions may start to arise about how much longer Belichick will coach in the NFL.

New England might need a full-scale rebuild to be successful again, and, at this juncture anyway, it’s hard to imagine Belichick would stick around for that extended process.

C.J. Stroud looks special after breaking an eye-opening NFL rookie passing record for Texans

It’s time people start talking about how great C.J. Stroud is.

The Houston Texans have been one of the NFL’s better up-and-coming stories this season. That’s in large part thanks to the efforts of promising rookie quarterback C.J. Stroud, who has elevated a Houston team many thought would struggle to compete in a rebuilding season.

Entering Sunday’s matchup with the Atlanta Falcons, the efficient Stroud had the opportunity to make some eye-opening history. To date, through four games, Stroud hadn’t thrown an intersection in 151 passes. Provided he’d get 26 more completions without a pick, he’d officially break Dak Prescott’s rookie record to start a career.

Of course Stroud reached the necessary 177 passes early in the third quarter. That’s just what special signal-callers do.

It’d be one thing if Stroud were just avoiding big plays and checking down to his receivers to get this record. But that couldn’t be further from the case. At the time of this writing, he’s got over 1400 yards passing, six touchdown passes, and is averaging eight yards per pass attempt. So he’s gunning it downfield and putting it in accurate places only his playmakers can reach.

It’s early, but it’s pretty apparent the Texans have found a difference-making young quarterback in Stroud. Watch out, NFL.

1 wild Tom Brady stat proved just how terrible Mac Jones has been with the Patriots

Mac Jones threw another awful pick-six to match Tom Brady for the wrong reason.

It would be an understatement to say Mac Jones has been awful in his third year as the New England Patriots starting quarterback. There isn’t an objectively apt adjective to describe his terrible, no-good, very bad play as a glorified pop gun for the Patriots. Heck, his benching against the Dallas Cowboys in Week 4 said more than enough.

There is also, however, this mind-blowing stat comparing Jones to the legendary Tom Brady.

On Sunday, with the Patriots trying to get one over on the New Orleans Saints, an overzealous Jones lofted a softball to Tyrann Mathieu for the easiest pick-six of his life. With this defensive touchdown in the books, Jones has now thrown four pick-sixes at home in his young Patriots career. That is as many as Brady did at home in literally 20 years with New England.

Woof. No wonder the Saints were having their way while jumping out to a 21-0 first-half lead.

Tom Brady is the NFL’s all-time leader in most relevant passing statistics and is easily the Patriots’ best player in franchise history. It’s hard to see anyone ever matching the most prolific numbers of his career. The only way anyone will likely match Brady is from a negative prism — as in comparing his unique greatness to someone’s ineptitude.

With his propensity for ill-advised turnovers at the worst possible time, someone like Jones fits that bill to a tee.

Aidan Hutchinson made a one-handed, gloveless INT look so easy for a defensive end

Defensive lineman shouldn’t be able to do this. Aidan Hutchinson is a cheat code!

A month into his sophomore NFL season, Aidan Hutchinson is living up to the hype.

The No. 2 overall in the 2022 NFL Draft has been a godsend for the Detroit Lions’ pass rush. In just under five games, Hutchinson’s already amassed seven quarterback hits, three-and-a-half sacks, and two tackles-for-loss. He’s arguably the best player on a rising Detroit squad that resembles an NFC contender. But it’s not just Hutchinson’s pass-rush prowess that sets him apart.

We have enough of a sample size now to understand he’s good for a game-changing interception now and then. Take Hutchinson’s one-handed pick (without gloves) against the Carolina Panthers as a perfect example of Hutchinson’s exceptional abilities:

For context, Hutchinson is listed at 6-foot-7, 265 pounds. Getting picks like this for a person of his size is definitely not part of the job description. But in 22 career stars, the budding franchise player now has four interceptions. That’s more than most starting cornerbacks who, theoretically, see the ball more often when it’s thrown in their direction.

No wonder the Lions are a powerhouse again. They have stars like Hutchinson going above and beyond.