I'm hearing a repot from a credible source that Texas Longhorns Special Teams Coach Jeff Banks' monkey allegedly attacked and seriously hurt a young Trick-or-Treater last night on Halloween.
The monkey's jaws apparently had to be pried off the small child.
— Tom Campbell (@thomasgcampbell) November 1, 2021
Just to review:
-Jeff Banks leaves wife and kids for stripper known as Pole Assassin (featured on Jerry Springer).
-Texas hires Jeff Banks as special teams coordinator
-Pole Assassin’s monkey (who performs with her) allegedly attacks a trick-or-treater last night— Unnecessary Roughness (@UnnecRoughness) November 2, 2021
Tom Herman : “i know some of my off the field decisions have reflected poorly on the University of Texas”
Jeff Banks : “hold my monkey”
— Matt ‘15 #AstrosWorldSeries ⚾️⚾️ (@Astro_Aggie15) November 2, 2021
If you can’t be good, atleast be interesting. Take a bow #Texas football you lost your third straight game but still won the internet. 🤘🏾 pic.twitter.com/ryXqQi8uQI
— Rod Babers (@rodbabers) November 2, 2021
I refuse to believe life is not a simulation pic.twitter.com/EJJd3dCNOq
— 🍁𝘾𝙝𝙧𝙞𝙨 🤘🏻| hook em (@KooIAidChris) November 2, 2021
We will all remember where we were when the Jeff Banks’ stripper girlfriend’s monkey bit a kid story broke.
— Hunter Johnson (@BurnerLJohnson) November 2, 2021
Waking up this morning and catching up on #MonkeyGate pic.twitter.com/PkpU70bzKn
— Ben Stevens (@BenScottStevens) November 2, 2021
I *hate* Twitter for making me Google "Jeff Banks monkey" in the middle of the Chiefs game.
— Kevin Flaherty (@KFlaherty247) November 2, 2021
To be fair to Jeff Banks, T-Pain never warned us about monkeys. #HookEm pic.twitter.com/eW302VIA0Z
— Message Board Geniuses (@BoardGeniuses) November 2, 2021
Jeff Banks rn pic.twitter.com/XqXUR5Goz4
— Clint Lamb (@ClintRLamb) November 2, 2021
Jeff banks monkey has shown more defense than The Longhorns football team has in the past 3 weeks
— BrysonBuddhaBelly🖐🏻 (@BJFK94) November 2, 2021
Who among us hasn't dated a stripper with a monkey that allegedly bit a child at a haunted house. Cast the first stone.
— Will Baizer the Pole Assassin (@WillBaizer) November 2, 2021
“So my owner, Pole Assassin, and I were running a haunted house in UT Longhorns special teams coach Jeff Banks’s house when…” pic.twitter.com/0iXDoTh9ZS
— Charlie (@CharlieSwervin) November 2, 2021
That jeff banks story has gone viral! pic.twitter.com/tyYKqXr8kd
— Chris Bennett (CB) (@chrisgb002000) November 2, 2021
Wait ! Jeff Banks did what , with who ?!? And a monkey ?!?! pic.twitter.com/4rLGLjJp7Q
— Just Josh (@Jsheff001) November 2, 2021
Imagine being on Texas football communications staff right about now
— Kegan Reneau (@KeganReneau) November 2, 2021