Category: Food & Drink

Skyy Vodka & Soda tastes like nothing, then like a fancy bathroom

Would you like the hand soap or the toothpaste flavor?

Welcome back to FTW’s Beverage of the Week series. Here, we mostly chronicle and review beers, but happily expand that scope to any beverage (or food) that pairs well with sports. Yes, even cookie dough whiskey.

I’ve always had a soft spot for Skyy vodka. Not because it tastes like much of anything. Or, in fact, for exactly that reason.

In college, Skyy was a low priced vodka in a bottle that made it look a little cooler and more expensive. And in terms of mixing it with anything from pineapple juice to Diet Mountain Dew, it worked just fine. Thus, there were plenty of $9 fifths in my undergrad houses as I stumbled through the 2000s.

I haven’t had much since — as someone’s dad I am legally obligated to both buy the Costco vodka and then commiserate with other dads about how good it is — but seeing it in canned cocktail form did bring back fond memories. Would this spirit I always assumed was Swedish for some reason (it’s from California) live up to the low, but rose-colored expectations of terrible, dirt poor college cocktails?

Lemon and Elderflower: B-

It pours clear with a quickly fizzling head that suggests this is more seltzer than soda. The smell off the top is citrus with light floral notes. It’s not super appealing as a drink, but it is pleasant. Maybe a bit decorative hand soap-y for my taste, but that’s not really a concern.

The opening sip is extremely light, unveiling the 90 calories and four percent alcohol within. True to Skyy form there’s a hint of an impression that you’re dealing with vodka, but no impactful taste that swings the beverage in one direction or the other. The fruit is handled with a gentle touch — weirdly enough, the most lemon I get from this comes when I burp after a big sip.

The carbonation is light and there’s a slight sweetness that keeps this from veering into La Croix territory. Instead, you get minimal amounts of pretty much everything. A little vodka, a little lemon, a very little amount of elderflower. The end result is a refreshing summer drink that doesn’t really stand out. Then again, you can say that about most light beers, so here we are.

Lime & Mint: D

Let’s roll into mojito flavors, only without the rum. That’s not a cocktail I ever have more than once a year — if made poorly it tastes like you’re drinking a glass of toothpaste — but Skyy’s muted flavors could work well here.

The mint is the primary smell off the top of the pour, but it’s fairly muted. Stick your nose up to the can and you get the lime. Or, at least, the bready, citric acid lime flavor endemic to hard seltzers. Yay.

The flavors in this can are much stronger, pitting two powerful and abrasive tastes against each other. The vodka makes a token appearance, but this is a battle between mint and lime and no one is winning, least of all my taste buds. This tastes like it should be whitening my teeth as I sip it.

It’s not, so I cannot in good conscience recommend it. Gah.

Would I drink it instead of a Hamm’s?

This is a pass/fail mechanism where I compare whatever I’m drinking to my baseline cheap beer. That’s the standby from the land of sky-blue waters, Hamm’s. So the question to answer is: on a typical day, would I drink Skyy Vodka & Soda over a cold can of Hamm’s?

Nah, I’m good.

Beer of the Week: Blue Point goes hard, but the juice isn’t quite worth the squeeze

Blue Point’s Toasted Lager is an easy win. An imperial blonde ale is a tougher sell.

Welcome back to FTW’s Beverage of the Week series. Here, we mostly chronicle and review beers, but happily expand that scope to any beverage (or food) that pairs well with sports. Yes, even cookie dough whiskey.

I never thought of Long Island as a beer place. Which I suppose can be traced back to my New England roots and general avoidance of New York.

But Blue/Point Brewing has been around since 1998, predating terrible Hamptons white parties — at least the one thrown by the guy who made every piece of sports memorabilia worse — and serving locals its flagship Toasted Lager for more than 25 years. It was part of the great craft brewery buy-up of the 2010s, becoming part of Anheuser-Busch. Then it was part of the great Tilray consolidation of, well, the last few years, becoming another asset in the brand’s massive portfolio.

There’s obviously good and bad that comes with that. The autonomy of a locally owned business is gone, which can cull brewing freedom and lead to homogenized products. The plus side is, well, now you’ve got a national distributor and can push into new markets who, like me, never thought of Long Island as a beer place.

If Blue/Point has been hamstrung by its corporate overlords, you can’t tell by its beer lineup. The Toasted Lager remains a style I’m not sure I’ve seen anywhere else. They followed that up with an imperial blonde ale, which is a combination that seems… weird, right? Light beer, big boozy flavor? I dunno, guys, seems quirky at least.

Anyway, let’s see how those taste.

Imperial Sunshine: B-

I’ve never heard of an imperial blonde ale before, but I’m intrigued. It pours with a big fluffy white head that takes a couple of minutes to dissolve down to a lacy mesh atop the beer. It smells like oranges and a little wheat.

The first sip showcases the heaviness you don’t get from the smell. There’s a bit of a malt liquor feel here, which makes sense at 9.6 percent alcohol by volume. The end finishes more like a lager than a blonde, but that isn’t a bad thing. A heavy beer that tastes like a heavy beer? That’s kinda refreshing, honestly.

What you wind up with is a big, boozy brew that starts like a hazy IPA but, instead of hops, you get a Heineken/King Cobra vibe. There’s utility to that, even if it doesn’t taste perfect. The orange and wheat make a solid impression up front before things get… well, not spicy, but you understand you’re dealing with something that’s a little closer to a cocktail than a traditional beer. It’s like a Blue Moon grew up and wound up dealing drugs. Nothing hard. OK, maybe a little meth.

A *little* meth.

Toasted Lager: B

(Ron Swanson voice): The [expletive] is a toasted lager? The label says it’s brewed Long Island style, which is… not helpful. But it pours nicely, with a honey brown color and inch-high head that simmers down in about 45 seconds. The smell off the top is pretty inessential. It’s got a light malt feel to it but there’s nothing there to suggest you’re drinking anything other than a lager.

The good news is it’s a very nice lager. The toasted malt is front and center, putting this close to an Oktoberfest beer with a softer finish. It’s big on grain and light on complexity. What you get up front is what you’re left with at the end.

In a world where craft brewers have leaned hard into trendy beers, it’s nice to have a throwback. This isn’t special, but it’s reliable; easy to drink on a warm day or a cold one.

Would I drink it instead of a Hamm’s?

This is a pass/fail mechanism where I compare whatever I’m drinking to my baseline cheap beer. That’s the standby from the land of sky-blue waters, Hamm’s. So the question to answer is: on a typical day, would I drink Blue Point beers over a cold can of Hamm’s?

I might swap in a Toasted Lager here or there or maybe an Imperial Sunshine should I need a big dose of booze at once. But for the most part, this is a good enough beer I might order off a local taplist but not seek out in a crowded beer section at my local Woodman’s.

Kevin Costner’s Green Mountain Coffees taste at least a little like the old west

Costner’s curated latte will absolutely remind you of a Montana ranch.

Welcome back to FTW’s Beverage of the Week series. Here, we mostly chronicle and review beers, but happily expand that scope to any beverage (or food) that pairs well with sports. Yes, even cookie dough whiskey.

I’ll be honest. I understand the Yellowstone phenomenon. I am not part of it.

I’m sure I’d like the show. I’m happy for Kevin Costner’s comeback and pivot to America’s quasi-historian like a beefy, rugged Ken Burns. But I tend to jump into prestige dramas long after they’re relevant. The first time I watched even a single episode of The Sopranos, for example, was probably 2013.

This is all a long preamble to tell you, no, I don’t really understand why Costner is making specially curated blends for Green Mountain Coffee Roasters. Or why he’s opted for the very un-cowboy brewing technique of K-cups.

All I do know is this media kit came with the most absurd, and beautiful, promotional item I’ve ever received. Behold, the coffee holster:

While it looks like a Keurig-bedazzled thong, it’s actually an extremely ornate piece of leatherwork (shoutout to Hellbound Leather Co., who apparently handled it) meant to hold a travel mug and little bandoliers of individually packaged coffee. It is also, even on its tightest setting, large enough for me to hula hoop in:

This, sadly, will ruin my opportunity to be “the dad no one wants to talk to at the bus stop” this coming school year. But it is very nice.

Anyway, the coffee. We’re here to talk about the coffee. Costner has two blends with Green Mountain; a Horizon Blend dark roast and a Mountainside Mocha Latte. Each features a stoic Costner, holding a tin mug (ooooh, so close) and gazing into the wilderness. Mesas and woodlands abound, creating the impression, just maybe, Costner has earned enough money to live inside a Bob Ross painting.

Truly, the American dream.

Let’s see how they taste.

Mountainside Mocha Latte: C? B? D? Man, I DO NOT KNOW

The first thing I notice when brewing a cup is the dusting of coffee grounds that shoot from the bottom of my Keurig right before the coffee itself pours out. Huh. The latte clocks in much darker than I expected at first, then lightens as the tail end of the cup promises creamier flavors.

I’m going into this without my standard Splenda/milk/protein powder that I add to my morning coffee. I’m also rolling with an eight ounce pour, elegantly dropped into Created’s Paris Olympic themed collaboration with Steve Wolf and La Marzocco. Timely!

There’s a definite roasted, woody smell coming from the top of the pour, but it doesn’t especially taste like coffee. It’s not terribly appealing, but there is a little sweetness hiding in there, mostly through dark cacao nibs.

That sweetness extends to the first sip, though the wood-like flavor does as well. The description on the box lays the groundwork for “earthy” tastes and a “creamy” mouthfeel and I will say it hits both those targets.

Is this mocha for cowboys? A hedged bet that you can enjoy a sweet, fancy coffee drink if it’s got a little dirt in it? It’s good and a little gross at the same time, weird in a way that keeps me coming back, trying futilely to figure out whether I like it or not.

It feels a little briny under its latte thickness as well. Alright, I’m gonna see if this is a “me” problem and make a less concentrated version, pouring this into a larger mug with more water.

Mountainside Mocha Latte from a bigger cup: C+

This one smells the same, though it brewed without the dusting of pre-liquid coffee grounds, which seems like an improvement. Thinning it out with a 16 ounce Keurig brew, however, makes a significant difference with the taste. The earth tones are less prevalent, but so is the creaminess.

As such, how much you like Mr. Costner’s log-splitter latte depends on your tolerance for that earthy, wood-adjacent flavor. This does feel like the kind of coffee you’d get at a fancy ranch, because it feels like it was brewed through a slab of cedar rather than a coffee filter. That light brine lingers toward the end, which isn’t a turnoff but is noticeable.

It’s not a problem. I can drink it. It’s just a little weird for a latte.

Horizon Blend Dark Roast: A-

This immediately smells better than the mocha latte, a rich, dark roast that smells like coffee. Not to get too Folgers on you, but this is the smell I imagine when I’m thinking of something capable of waking me up.

It brews moderately dark, to which I’ve added a packet of Splenda and a little two percent milk. And I went back to the Paris 2024 ceramic from Created and La Marzocco because, well, they’re very nice mugs and the coffee rings on my desk suggest that, deep down, I may be a saucer guy.

That richness translates to the taste. There’s a nice, latent acidity working under the surface to create clean, crisp sips of warm, roasted coffee. It’s not especially bitter — though, again, I’ve got a little milk and sugar(ish) in here. Despite leaning toward the darker end of the coffee spectrum, Horizon Blend is still approachable for a relative coffee neophyte like me to drink. There’s a little chocolate in there if you dig deep and some of the earthiness that headlines Costner’s latte, but most of all this just tastes like a proper cup of coffee.

Protein/Caffeine Mix of the Week: G Fuel actually makes a lot of sense for a morning workout, huh?

Instead of dropping protein powder into my coffee, G Fuel just caffeinated a protein shake. Neat.

Welcome back to FTW’s Beverage of the Week series. Here, we mostly chronicle and review beers, but happily expand that scope to any beverage (or food) that pairs well with sports. Yes, even cookie dough whiskey.

I’m already on the protein/caffeine train. Mostly because I’ve been using dessert-like powders as coffee creamer because, despite being a grown man, I still mostly don’t like coffee. Thus, a scoop of birthday cake powder into some cheap grounds, then shaken, and I’ve got a frothy, sweet and slightly too complicated drink that wakes me up and keeps me from getting hungry until lunch.

This made G Fuel an easy fit for me. It’s protein and caffeine all in one, delivering 140 milligrams of caffeine — a little more than a typical cup of drip coffee — and 15 grams of protein per scoop. That’s a little less protein than I’d like — my usual scoop clocks in between 20 and 25 grams, depending on what was on sale that month — but it’s still solid enough to start my morning, particularly mixed with milk.

Of course, none of that means anything if it doesn’t taste good. G Fuel’s original lineup is rooted in coffee flavors, with mocha and latte and a good old fashioned chocolate shake in there. Will it be enough to replace my big pot of coffee and shaker filled with protein powder, Splenda and milk? Let’s give it a shot.

French Vanilla Latte: A-

Per the instructions, I went with half water and half milk to get to the 16 ounces necessary for one full 27 gram scoop of G Fuel’s protein/caffeine powder. It blends with relative ease into a medium-thick drink — not quite a shake but denser than milk.

The first sip leans heavier into the “latte” portion than the French vanilla, but that’s not a bad thing. Since this is replacing my morning coffee it’s actually helpful in that regard. The latte comes off with a real coffee ice cream vibe; sweet and just a little tangy.

That sugary flavor is impressive given the 90 calories per scoop, though at 15 grams of protein you’re getting less here than you would with most other straight up protein mixes (my current go-to, MuscleTech, clocks in at 120 calories and 24 grams of protein). There’s a little bit of that chalky whey flavor endemic to all powders, but it’s minimal and really the only thing telling you this isn’t just a dessert.

I used mine as a pre-workout, though there was an hour window between finishing it and heading to the weights. My workout itself wasn’t appreciably better or worse than usual. I mean, it was still awful because I am 40 and my body just sorta sucks at most things now, but it was fine. I didn’t expect protein or caffeine to fix the fact that sleeping at a slight angle can mess up my neck for three straight weeks. Though, if it could…

Chocolate: A-

The chocolate seems to blend a little less easily than the French vanilla; there’s a ring of tiny brown clumps dotting the top of my shake. That’s kinda a feature rather than a bug for me. I like getting little, chewable powdery bits in my protein. It reminds me of poorly made Jell-O pudding, but that might not be a universal thing.

The chocolate taste is rich and smooth. You get a little bit of the chalky whey involved, but only it you’re searching for it. So if, say, you wanted to give this to a fussy six-year-old to help boost their protein intake, you’re almost certainly gonna get away with it.

It also feels a bit thinner than the vanilla latte, which could be in part to the mixing issues. But that’s a minor concern for a shake that tastes great. My complaint here, which is a weird one, is that my coffee ritual lasts three cups and provides a welcome distraction over a couple hours while I’m working.

But G Fuel is so good that I pretty much pounded my 18 ounce shake. I could make a cup of coffee after that, but I don’t know if I’d be overloading on caffeine at this point.

To that point, G Fuel’s 140 milligrams of caffeine are enough to keep me from feeling a withdrawal headache despite the fact it’s roughly two-thirds the eye-opener I’d normally drink in the morning (24 ounces of coffee at 95 mg per).

Part of me wants to use it as creamer in my coffee like I would with regular protein powders, but that feels like overkill. Instead I threw my shake in the freezer for half and hour and chewed on the frozen bits that floated to the surface. 10/10 experience, would recommend.

My workout, again, was mostly fine. There’s a chance the slight drop-off in protein content is having a minor effect, but it’s also possible I’m stuck in the same place I was two weeks ago because, as previously mentioned, I’m now old and my body kinda sucks. The good news is it’s doing work as an appetite suppressant; the chocolate shake got me well into the afternoon before I got hungry enough for lunch.

Cafe Mocha: A-

Like the vanilla latte, there’s a coffee ice cream feel to this flavor. It’s sweet, creamy and very, very easy to drink. After a few sips I placed this in the freezer for about 50 minutes and it came out thicker and with more of the shake consistency I wanted. I guess I could just blend it with ice, but that’s more effort than I’m willing to put in right now.

Besides, this tastes great as is. It’s dessert for breakfast, a problem in that it’s gone too fast to really recreate my coffee ritual.

Beverage of the Week: Strange Water tastes like I always wanted coconut water to taste

It’s toasted, sweet coconut and, just maybe, some bubbles. It’s kinda great.

Welcome back to FTW’s Beverage of the Week series. Here, we mostly chronicle and review beers, but happily expand that scope to any beverage (or food) that pairs well with sports. Yes, even cookie dough whiskey.

I was kinda bummed out by coconut water the first time I tried it. It didn’t taste like coconut in any way I’d known it; it just tasted like water that was harder to drink.

Still, I trudged through cartons of Vita Coco (and others) for nutrients and, in the spirit of honestly, in hopes of toning down or warding off hangovers. For the most part, however, the only way I could get through a full serving was if it were mixed with another, better fruit. Lemon, strawberry, etc.

This set a low bar for Strange Water, a new coconut water offering promising coconuts and, uh, well, water. Occasionally with bubbles, but yeah. It’s pretty much as basic as you can get when it comes to coconut water.

Can it exceed my low expectations and by the nutrient-delivering vehicle I’d always wanted? Let’s see what we’ve got.

Coconut Water: A-

Cracking the can unleashes a wave of toasted coconut. This smells like a macaroon, which, hell yeah. It’s great; if not a beverage this would make one hell of a candle.

Weird praise, I know.

The first sip backs that up. There’s a certain underlying sweetness that makes this the kind of coconut I want to know. It’s not Almond Joy sugary, but it’s undeniable. That makes it a solid departure from the Vita Cocos (Vitas Coco?) of the world. It’s even more impressive that it pulls this off, per the can, with nothing but coconut water and vitamin C in the ingredient list.

There’s a slight thickness to this that will be familiar to anyone who has had coconut water before. But there’s much more of a defined flavor here than I’ve had in other brands. This tastes like the best parts of the fruit … er, nut. Only slightly, toward the end, do you get the organic, slightly stale flavor that comes with most coconut waters.

I’ll say I’m slightly disappointed I’m drinking this at the pool and not at 11 am the morning after drinking too much (for work. Always for work). While other coconut waters have been at least slightly difficult to pound, this goes down easy. My one complaint is the slightly denser water leaves each sip with a slightly sloppy finish. That’s nothing a few bubbles can’t fix, however…

Sparkling Coconut Water: A

This one is even more pungent than the still water after cracking the can. I’m at the pool and, even with the can three feet from my nose, I can smell it clearly. It’s toasty, sweet coconut all the way through. Like someone put some sunscreen on the grill.

I assure you, that’s a good thing. The first sip suggests this is even sweeter than the still version, which doesn’t make much sense since the only change in the ingredient list is a minor amount of citric acid. That acid clocks in slightly toward the end, teaming with the carbonation to snap off each sip dryly. That takes care of my biggest complaint from the first can of Strange Water; that slightly sloppy, syrupy aftertaste.

That makes this the best coconut water I’ve ever had. Where other versions have needed outside flavor to shine, Strange Water creates a refreshing, crushable drink with three very basic ingredients. There’s a little sweetness, a little tart and a lot of room for the coconut to shine in a way that’s bright and clear. It’s not quite candy, but it’s nowhere near as dull and listless as Vita Coco.

I want to say this can lasted maybe 10 minutes at the pool. Granted, part of that is because I am a goon and knocked it over for a hot second, but still. I’m a little sad I don’t have a hangover on which to unleash this. Ah well, maybe next time.

Would I drink it instead of a Hamm’s?

This is a pass/fail mechanism where I compare whatever I’m drinking to my baseline cheap beer. That’s the standby from the land of sky-blue waters, Hamm’s. So the question to answer is: on a typical day, would I drink Strange Water over a cold can of Hamm’s?

I’d drink it in between Hamm’s in order to prevent a hangover. Or maybe just because. It’s the sweet coconut drink for which I’d been waiting.

Goose Island’s 2024 Bourbon County lineup is set and it looks awesome

A barleywine and a macaroon stout lead the way for some of this winter’s most anticipated beers.

Each Black Friday, Goose Island gives us another reason to run to the store.

That’s when the Chicago based brewery drops its annual lineup of Bourbon County stouts, the barrel-aged heavies that dominate the top of its Beer Advocate ratings. Last year’s lineup was an all-star list of big, boozy brews. 2024 promises more of the same.

Goose Island unveiled this year’s lineup Monday, a proper four months before you’ll actually be able to buy any. This year’s offering drops the number of varieties from six to five, but still promises bold, warm flavor and soft dessert notes — particularly from this year’s Macaroon Stout.

Here’s the 2024 Bourbon County lineup:

  1. 2024 Bourbon County Brand Original Stout
  2. 2024 Bourbon County Brand Vanilla Rye Stout
  3. 2024 Bourbon County Brand Macaroon Stout
  4. 2024 Bourbon County Brand Proprietor’s Barleywine
  5. 2024 Bourbon County Brand Bardstown Cask Finish Stout

Beverage of the Week: Birthday Sex Wine. Yep, that’s a thing now.

The wine with underpants on the label is the fancy one.

Welcome back to FTW’s Beverage of the Week series. Here, we mostly chronicle and review beers, but happily expand that scope to any beverage (or food) that pairs well with sports. Yes, even cookie dough whiskey.

I can appreciate Jeremih’s pivot. In spring 2024, a member of his public relations team has reached out with an email promising “Birthday Sex Wine.”

Without context, that’s a string of words destined straight for the spam filter. Fortunately, it’s very real. That was the R&B artist’s first single. Just the first two words. You remember it, I bet. Jeremih pronounces “couch” with four syllables. It’s the song that posits the perfect gift was Jeremih’s [expletive] after all.

If not, you’d definitely know him from Don’t Tell ‘Em. Either way, the dude is roughly a thousand times platinum but fame doesn’t last forever so it’s always wise to diversify.

Thus, Birthday Sex Wine. There do not appear to be any restrictions on the wine itself. You can drink it, literally, any day of the year. It in no way promises coitus or even smooches. But there is a pair of lacy panties on the label, which, huh.

Before I dig in, a caveat. I am not a wine drinker. My exposure to the medium came pounding bottles of whatever leftovers customers had left behind at the end of long night rowing gondolas in downtown Providence. This was not the launch pad you’d expect, and now I lean heavily toward beers and cocktails over wine. I don’t hate wine, I just don’t really drink it that often.

Let’s see if that clouds my judgment of, sigh, Birthday Sex.

Birthday Sex Wine: B

Why yes, that is a poorly printed pair of panties where the label should be. Ironically, right below where it says “naked chardonnay.” And what eager drinker *wouldn’t* want wine with underpants on it? Finally, a white wine for the ladies out there.

In fairness, it does seem to be a nice pair of panties. I assume the Franzia version of this would be a Hanes Her Way combo in plain gray. These are the debates you get when you’re talking wine. That’s why Sideways was such a box office smash.

Anyway, it smells… well it smells like white wine. Grapes and oak and the stark reminder I don’t drink nearly enough wine to know what the hell I’m talking about. The first sip is smooth and very easy to drink. There’s none of the harshness that can put off a novice wino like myself. The flavor doesn’t pop once it hits your tongue but instead lingers and builds.

That turns into intense sweet grape with a hint of warmth and some of that aforementioned woodiness. It sticks to the roof of your mouth a little, lingering with minor sourness rather than dryness toward the end. It’s not my thing, but it’s not something I wouldn’t drink either. With that in mind, I asked my lady friend/roommate/wife, who actually does drink wine, what she thought.

I like it. I like dryer, more oaky chardonnays and this leans that way, but subtle. It isn’t sweet or too buttery either, which is how I like my wines.

Apparently they are trying to keep it in an accessible price point, so bonus. There you go. Review. Done. 🙂

Would I drink it instead of a Hamm’s?

This is a pass/fail mechanism where I compare whatever I’m drinking to my baseline cheap beer. That’s the standby from the land of sky-blue waters, Hamm’s. So the question to answer is: on a typical day, would I drink, sigh, Birthday Sex over a cold can of Hamm’s?

Again, this feels unfair since I rarely drink wine in the first place. It’s a totally reasonable wine that tastes fine chilled. I could easily power through a couple glasses at a dinner party where I don’t know the hosts well enough to ask for a beer. But also I would make sure my keys stay in my pocket the whole night, because things are gonna get weird later.