Assigning NBA teams their Walt Disney World hotel accommodations based on seeds

The draft we never knew we needed.

As the entire sports world came to a halt amid the global coronavirus pandemic, leagues were faced with the incredible challenge of figuring out how to return to play.

While the German Bundesliga and the Korean Baseball Organization are notable leagues to return since the shutdown, none of the major professional sports leagues in the U.S. have figured out how to execute a responsible plan to resume play.

MLB briefly floated the idea of playing in Arizona under isolation but have since moved away from that idea and have since been at a stalemate over financials. The NBA, though, appears deep into conversations to return in some form with Walt Disney World Resort in Orlando acting as a bubble city.

But even something as simple as hotel accommodations came up as a possible issue. The New York Times’ Marc Stein noted that there is concern about whether Disney Resorts could host the NBA teams, personnel and families without a huge disparity in hotel quality.

Well, there’s one fair way to settle that: a draft!

Here at For The Win, we assigned the Disney Resort hotel accommodations for NBA teams based on their in-season records. The best teams get the best hotels, and the Knicks get to go camping in the woods. It’s the only fair way to move past that issue.

1. Milwaukee Bucks

Four Seasons Resort Orlando at Walt Disney

It might not even be the nicest hotel on the Disney campus, but whenever the Four Seasons or the Ritz-Carlton are options, NBA teams jump at the opportunity to stay there.

2. Los Angeles Lakers

The Villas at Disney’s Grand Floridian

I mean, it’s a five-star facility with multi-bedroom villas. That’s plenty of room for LeBron James.

3. Toronto Raptors

Disney’s Riviera Resort

It’s a 300-room hotel that just opened in December. I have to think that would be high on the draft board.

4. Los Angeles Clippers

Disney’s Grand Floridian

The Lakers get the villas. The Clippers get the main hotel. They’re used to sharing facilities.

Kim Klement-USA TODAY NETWORK

5. Boston Celtics

Disney’s Polynesian Village Resort

Unlimited. Dole. Whip.

Now, we’re at the point where there are like 14 four-star hotels that kind of blend together and offer similar amenities with different themes. They’re definitely suitable for NBA teams. We’ve assigned them as follows.

6. Denver Nuggets – Disney’s Yacht Club
7. Utah Jazz – Disney’s Beach Club Resort
8. Miami Heat – Disney’s Polynesian Villas & Bungalows
9. Oklahoma City Thunder – Disney’s BoardWalk Villas
10. Houston Rockets – Disney’s BoardWalk Inn
11. Indiana Pacers – Bay Lake Tower at Disney’s Contemporary Resort
12. Philadelphia 76ers – Disney’s Contemporary Resort
13. Dallas Mavericks – Disney’s Animal Kingdom Lodge
14. Memphis Grizzlies – Disney’s Saratoga Springs Resort and Spa
15. Brooklyn Nets – Disney’s Wilderness Lodge
16. Orlando Magic – Disney’s Old Key West Resort
17. Portland Trail Blazers – Copper Creek Villas & Cabins

18. New Orleans Pelicans

Disney’s Port Orleans Resort

I mean, I had to. The Pelicans must stay at the New Orleans-themed hotel.

OK, technically, the following hotels are well below the quality that NBA teams are accustomed to. But hey, it will be part of the experience. Just pretend you’re UMBC in the NCAA Tournament. The accommodations will be similar.

19. Sacramento Kings – Disney’s Coronado Springs Resort 
20. San Antonio Spurs – Disney’s Art of Animation Resort
21. Phoenix Suns – Disney’s Pop Century Resort 

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If only today was a Hippy Dippy day! ☮️🌼

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22. Washington Wizards – Disney’s Caribbean Beach Resort
23. Charlotte Hornets – Disney’s All-Star Music Resort
24. Chicago Bulls – Disney’s All-Star Movies Resort

25. New York Knicks

The Campsites at Disney’s Fort Wilderness Resort

You best believe the Knicks are going camping in one-star accommodations at Fort Wilderness. Honestly, though, the Knicks players could get some pretty luxurious RVs and be fine here.

26. Detroit Pistons – Disney’s Art of Animation Resort
27. Atlanta Hawks – The Cabins at Disney’s Fort Wilderness Resort

28. Minnesota Timberwolves

Disney’s All-Star Sports Resort

I can’t stop laughing at this hotel. Could you imagine an NBA team staying here for two months? No chance. It’ll never work. But at least it’s appropriately themed for #sports.

The Cavaliers and Warriors would not receive an invite for the bubble as they couldn’t qualify for the expanded postseason.

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