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The Dallas Cowboys travel to Philadelphia on Sunday for what is basically serving as a NFC East championship game, since each team has stumbled and bumbled their ways to 7-7 record and, by rule, someone was win this brutal division.
Dak Prescott, who has been nursing an injured throwing shoulder all week, and the Cowboys should win this game. They are the better team, they are slightly more healthy, and they are the slight favorites.
But we all know Jason Garrett and the Cowboys don’t always win the games they should. And often times they go down in a fiery mess.
So while I think they should win, here’s the one way I’d really like to see them lose.
Fast-foward to late Sunday afternoon, the Cowboys are driving down field with about five minutes left. They trail by 7 points when suddenly they are stopped and face a 4th and 7 from the Eagles 11.
The Fox cameras stay glued on Garrett as he stands there thinking and clapping. Clapping and thinking. His kicker, who he just met a few weeks ago and doesn’t even really remember his name, waits besides him expecting to get the call to run out there and try to cut the lead to a just as manageable 4 points.
But then Garrett smiles… and calls time out because he’s been clapping and day dreaming for too long.
Finally, we’re back and that kicker (Kai Forbath, by the way) watches from the sideline as Prescott and the offense run back out on the field. Garrett remembers that time in New England this year when everyone laughed at him for not going for it in this same situation. “Fool me twice,” he whispers to himself while clapping and smiling. “Fool me feaking twice.”
Then Prescott throws an incomplete pass, the Eagles get the ball back and end up winning by 7 points.
The internet erupts. Garrett went for it and lost! His job is likely just about done as he claps/runs off the field, proud of his guys who gave it about 65 percent of what they had.
The Cowboys’ locker room is quiet afterward. Players unwrap tape from their wrists while mumbling though answers to reporters asking questions about another lost season. The players are OK with it, though, knowing vacation starts very soon.
Then the locker room door opens and its Jerry Jones, storming in with bloodshot eyes full or rage and a heart full of disgust and sadness. He’s held back by four half-dressed offensive lineman but keeps trying to fight through them.
“YOU’LL NEVER COACH THIS DOGGONE TEAM AGAIN, GARRETT!!” Jones yells as TV cameras pick it up and air it live on NFL Network’s postgame show. “YOU HAVE EMBARRASSED THIS TEAM ONE FINAL TIME YOU THICK-SKULLED SON OF A GUN! I SHOULD HAVE CANNED YOUR BEHIND AFTER THAT BEARS GAME WHEN YOU LOST TO TRUBISKY. TRUBISKY! GIVE MY YOUR KEYCARD TO THE TEAM’S FACILITIES BECAUSE YOU ARE DONE!”
Garrett then flings his keycard at Jones and takes a sip of an adult drink.
“YOU CAN HAVE IT, OIL MAN!” Garrett fires back at the team’s owner who has seen his franchise win just three playoff games since 1997.
Garrett then strolls out of the locker room, walks right past his press conference, and exits the stadium.
His long walk brings him to a random, dimly lit Philly tavern miles from the stadium. Garrett ponies up to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender smiles and says “This one’s on me, coach.”
Garrett thanks him and throws a big tip on the bar.
The bartender slips the cash in his pocket with a polite nod.
The former Cowboys coach gives him a quick wink and proudly says, “I went for it, bud. I finally freakin went for it.”
Garrett proceeds to slam down his beer and walks out of the bar, not to be seen by anyone until weeks later when he grabs his stuff from security at the team’s faculties.
He then drives off into the wild blue yonder, done with Jones and his incompetency for good.
I don’t ask for much, Santa, but please make this happen for an early Christmas present. I’ve been pretty decent this year. Also, it doesn’t have to be as exact as that story above, just something fun that leads to lots of pageviews on Sunday. Thank you in advance.
Our best TV episodes of the decade
Our look back at the Best of the Decade continued Thursday as we all broke down our favorite TV episodes from the 2010s. Man, there was a lot of great TV the past 10 years. Push your work aside for a bit and see if you agree with our selections.
Quick hits: Awful NFL calls… LeBron misses his hair… Fantasy football mess in Minnesota… And more!
– The NFL should be embarrassed by this 17-minute video of bad calls from just this season alone.
– LeBron James joked about his missing hair before Thursday’s showdown with the Bucks.
– The Vikings’ RB situation is a mess for fantasy owners who are still alive on championship weekend.
– Serena Williams recently worked out with Mike Tyson.
– The ‘Cats’ movie comes out today and judging by these reviews it is NOT GOOD.
[jwplayer GKRwOsFD-q2aasYxh]
(Follow me on Twitter at @anezbitt. It might change your life. Just don’t tell me about your fantasy team.)