The Rhode Island Scumbag started off the 2022 NFL season with a 3-0 record. He also, apparently, did not appreciate me telling the world he doesn’t believe in outer space.
The deluge at Soldier Field, Justin Fields’ wizardry and Trey Lance’s inability to generate offense — especially after losing Eli Mitchell — paid off his Chicago Bears +6.5 bet and made my declaration that I’d take the San Francisco 49ers at -10 look utterly stupid. Throw in the Atlanta Falcons’ feistiness and the New England Patriots’ struggles and you’ve got an early undefeated record that’s 25 percent of the way to the 12-0 start at which I promised him a podcast.
[Ed note: Oh GOD why did I promise him a podcast DAMMIT what a terrible idea.]
This, fortunately for all of us, led to a 300-word lecture that preceded this week’s picks. Here it is, edited for content and conciseness and because he spelled my name three different ways in the space of one paragraph.
Ever wonder why every stat nerd you hear on the radio or have to listen to in the pre-game shows isn’t smashing every single bet and cashing tickets every weekend? That’s because as long time bookmaker Jimmy Vaccaro once said “trends don’t pay the rent, my friend.” That’s why I wasn’t worried when my boy Christian D’Andrea [Ed. note: he used my full name like a disappointed parent!] threw a bunch of stats my way to try and make my Chicago Bears pick look like a guaranteed loser. If sports betting were that easy, all those fancy hotels in Vegas would more closely resemble a Howard Johnson’s. No, this racket is not that easy. You want to lay points on the road with an unproven QB in a hostile environment? You go right ahead, Christian.
This is going to be a great battle between Christian and myself because we are completely opposite in our approach to selecting games. I watch the games on Sunday. Then, I make the lines on Monday (or what I think the lines should be.) Then, I compare my lines to the Vegas lines and see where I have an advantage. Christian seems to bet a lot more based on trends, statistics from some random number crunchers. He pays less attention to the actual human beings playing the great game of football. We will see how that works out as the season progresses.
It is here I would like to remind you that the RIS locks finished the 2021 season at 7-21. If they were a football team, they would have been Joe Judge’s New York Giants. If he did pay attention to trends, he would know he did not cash a single lock after Week 16, including the playoffs.
Also, the “random number crunchers” are the NFL themselves, but go off king. God damn I love this guy. Maybe that podcast is a *great* idea. Alright man, light me up again.
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