The Pop-Tarts Bowl was so fun last year. Creepy? Yes, sure. That’s fair to say. The Pop-Tart mascot is peak body horror. Something like that should not be running around with arms and legs. It should also not be edible. Like, guys. They really ate the Pop-Tart mascot. That’s wild.
THE MOST UNSERIOUS BOWL: This is how every bowl game should be
But I digress. What I really came here to do this morning was complain. Specifically about the new flavor being introduced to the bowl game.
The bowl will be a bit different this year. There are three Pop-Tarts now instead of one. We knew the first two flavors already: Wild-Berry and Hot Fudge Sundae. Those are already rough enough as is. The classic strawberry would’ve been a far better choice over either, but whatever. It’s fine.
There was still room for one more flavor. Instead of nailing the pick, the Pop-Tarts Bowl chose to revive one that will absolutely make your stomach curdle after eating it: Cinnamon Roll.
Guys, I cannot hide my disgust here.
I know this is probably a hot take. There are people (heathens!) out there who enjoy cinnamon roll Pop-Tarts. I’m sorry, but those people have lost their minds. That’s not a good Pop-Tart. The only reason one might think so is because of nostalgia.
That’s not working over here, though. There’s not enough nostalgia in the world. The warm and fuzzies are not present over here. Just disgust. Disgust at the lack of strawberry flavor involved in these selections.
It’s unfortunate. Someone has to eat these monstrosities. Luckily, it won’t be any of us. But sorry to the players who must subject themselves to this.
You deserve better.