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I’ve ripped the Houston Astros a lot in recent weeks over their cheating scandal that went virtually unpunished by Major League Baseball. I’ve called the team a bunch cowards, only to quickly correct myself and label them idiots, which they have mostly been while handling this saga through the first few weeks of spring training.
And what a first few weeks it has been. Star player after star player from opposing teams have crushed the Astros players, players who didn’t get punished for cheating their way to the 2017 World Series title.
Then the games started and Jose Altuve got booed so loudly on a nice sunny day in Florida. Then he got beaned.
Then another Astros player got beaned in the next game on just the fourth pitch of the afternoon and it suddenly looked like self-policing by the pitchers is indeed going to be a thing this year.
Then on Wednesday afternoon George Springer tried to shut up a booing crowd by attempting to hit a ball 342 miles. Instead, he whiffed and fell to his knee. Not a great look.
So here’s what the Astros need to do to handle all of this action that is going to keep coming their way – they need turn full heel and become the villains we all want them them to be.
I’m talking, go full WWE on EVERYONE.
Altuve and the Astros need to forget about trying to win over MLB fans who hate their guts. Fans are going to hate them forever. The chance of everyone coming together and being civil and understanding again is gone. That train left the building when Rob Manfred bumbled his way through a number of poor press conferences in which he woefully tried to explain himself and his lack of action on the players.
That train also left the building when the Astros offered the lamest apologies ever.
So swim in that hate and use it to your power, Astros. Or just at least to make it even more entertaining for us fans.
Altuve should step out of the box and wave for the crowd to boo more.
Astros players who get hit by a pitch should immediately charge the mound.
Guys who think a pitch is a little too far inside should stare down the pitcher for an awkward amount of time.
The Astros should put like 15 trash cans in their dugout and just stare at the the other team, daring them to say something.
Alutve should rip his own shirt off after every home run he hits while his wife cheers from the front row, showing that she doesn’t mind at all if her husband allows the world to see his bare chest.
The sound of buzzers should be the walk-up “song” for each hitter.
Astros pitchers should bean the first batter they face in each game.
The team should have a “Turn-Back-The Clock Night” each week in which they celebrate the 2017 team and do fake ring ceremonies.
They should give out bad fake tattoos to the first 20,000 fans who enter the stadium each night.
Let’s turn this thing into full WWE and have some actual gosh darn fun with it!
This would definitely make baseball interesting this season, which would be good because baseball’s regular season is often far from interesting.
And it would also make Manfred look even more dumb, which is always fun.
The Astros need to do this for themselves, their fans, and the people that don’t like them at all.
Come on, Astros.
Don’t be cowards.
Wednesday’s biggest winner: Pete Webber.
Wednesday marked eight years to the day since the legendary bowler had a legendary trash-talking moment in which he yelled, “Who do you think you are, I am!” at a fan after bowling a strike. Just a tremendous moment in sports history. Now we know the story behind it, too, which is also great. Pete Webber is the man.
Quick hits: Kingsbury’s funny tale… R.J. Barrett is righty?… NFL prospect puts on 70 pounds… And more!
– Kliff Kingsbury told a great story about how he thought he was a goner in Arizona during hist first game.
– Wait, R.J. Barrett is actually right handed? Apparently, and NBA fans had jokes.
– An NFL draft prospect found a disgusting way to add 70 pounds to his body.
– Zach Lavigne seems so over Bulls coach Jim Boylen.
– Maria Sharapova called it quits on her great tennis career and revealed the moment that let her know it was over.
– Shaq’s comment on Red Vines sparked a great debate on Twitter.