2023 has not been even the tiniest bit kind to the Orlando Pride.
The season began with a tough assignment, a road game against the defending champion Portland Thorns. A 4-0 loss is pretty much the last thing anyone wants to happen in their opener, but that’s how their season started.
Still, teams and players are tough. They compartmentalize, they learn lessons, they improve. A big road loss is not fun, but it’s not like those goals penalize you in your next game, right?
Sadly for the Pride, that was only the beginning of their ordeal. Three straight games at home seemed to promise an avenue to set things right, but what they’ve gotten instead is some extremely unwelcome NWSL history.
Are they being cosmically punished by soccer gods mad at them for some mysterious reason? Did losing to the Thorns provoke some vengeful spirit? Is the team just constantly walking under ladders as black cats cross their path?
It all sounds silly, but how else can you explain this?
Orlando has given up more goals after the ninth minute of second-half stoppage time in the last 18 days (four) than the entire NWSL has in its history, from an April 13, 2013 kickoff between FC Kansas City and the Thorns through April 1, 2023 (three).
It seems like it can’t possibly be true. What kind of terrible torment is this to subject one team to? Who even ends up in three games in a row with this much stoppage time?
This apparent curse began with Katie Johnson deflecting Claire Emslie’s 100th minute corner over the line, arriving before Anna Moorhouse’s attempt to punch the ball clear. The ball crossed the line with 99:06 on the game clock, and it turned a home draw for the Pride into a gut punch of a loss.
Orlando had the international break to put that behind them, only to come back and encounter more or less the exact same thing over this past weekend against NJ/NY Gotham FC.
With nine minutes of stoppage time given in what was a scoreless contest, grinding out a shutout would have marked some kind of progress. As the second minute of stoppage became a third, a series of Gotham corners ended with referee Elvis Osmanovic whistling for a foul on the visitors. Crisis averted!
Well, no. Remember, this is a curse. Kristie Mewis could be seen literally hopping in protest over a potential handball on Orlando. Osmanovic held the restart up, eventually giving the finger-to-ear signal with 92:25 on the clock.
It turned out Mewis was onto something: Allie Long had glanced the ball down, and it struck Caitlin Cosme’s arm. For over five excruciating minutes, the VAR crew and Osmanovic looked over the footage. With the clock reading 97:52, he pointed to the spot.
Still, this punishment from on high would be stretched out, maximizing Orlando’s agonies. Pride and Gotham players delayed the spot kick for another minute or so, jostling over spots at the top of the box. Mewis and Midge Purce work out a decoy routine in case the Pride try to throw Gotham’s penalty taker off.
Finally at 99:53 — over seven minutes after the stoppage began — Purce’s spot kick flew into the upper corner. Two straight games with 100th minute goals against, two straight draws turning into heartbreaking late losses.
“Now wait a second,” you might be thinking. “You said four goals…are all of these goals going to change the result as well? That can’t be, it’s too cruel!”
You’re right, that is too cruel. All four goals did not…but only because Gotham was going to score again, somehow even later in this game. Their second officially went into the books as a 90+17 goal. Osmanovic dutifully tacked on all the stoppage time from the VAR check and penalty kick kerfuffle, and Lynn Williams sneaked an angled shot past Kaylie Collins for what is the latest goal ever scored in NWSL regular season history.
The previous record holder? Purce’s penalty from this same game. It’s the kind of fact that lets you know we’re talking about a curse here, rather than just bad luck.
On Wednesday night in the Challenge Cup, it seemed like Orlando had put this whole dreadful saga to rest. For the first time this season, they caught a break: Ally Watt’s 56th minute strike needed a bit of fortune to find its way into the goal after Casey Murphy managed to get a hand to it. Despite seeing most of the action in their end, the Pride were holding up. Goalkeeper Carly Nelson was looking steady, and the North Carolina Courage were lacking that bit of precision. A win was in reach.
Any experienced horror movie fan knows that the conventions of the genre involve giving an impression that the danger has passed. It’s simple stuff: a false sense of security is a fundamental part of heightening future reactions from your audience.
The sadistic authors of the Orlando Pride’s script know this device all too well.
24 seconds beyond the initially given eight minutes of stoppage time, Denise O’Sullivan — with what ended up being literally the last kick of the game — belted a 17-yard volley past Nelson to give the Courage a draw. The clock reads 98:24, making this goal “early” when it comes to the hex hanging over this team.
It’s a spectacular strike, and will probably end up being among the NWSL’s most difficult goals to score all year long. It is also utterly cruel. All you need to do is hit pause on the above clip as soon as the goal becomes clear. Four different Orlando players reacted by putting their heads on the back of their heads in the exact same gesture. Summer Yates sunk into a crouch, staring into an empty corner. Megan Montefusco puts a hand over her mouth. What else can you do?
Orlando will take the field this Sunday hoping against hope that, at the very least, their game against the Kansas City Current never gets into the eighth or ninth minute of second half stoppage time.
[lawrence-related id=14680,12750,17563]
(@OptaJack) 
