It is already going to be a weird season of college football, so let’s just go ahead and get crazy. Mascot-on-mascot violence? Sure. Coaches losing their minds? Absolutely. Gary Danielson not mentioning Alabama during a SEC on CBS broadcast? Well, we aren’t at that point yet, but I say we celebrate the upcoming season with a look at some things that could possibly but hardly likely to come true in 2020.

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Yes, it is that time again for some wackiness so let’s go ahead and list 25 bold and, some would say, downright insane predictions for both the Auburn and SEC football season. Ready? Ready.

1. Bo Nix will release his much awaited debut rap album titled “Nix’in and Fix’in It.” He will forget to thank his five offensive lineman for their contributions to the album, especially the song “Blocking is Only For The Strong,” resulting in Nix being sacked a record 25 times against LSU.
2. Also mad about not being included on Nix’s album, Seth Williams will start tipping passes into the air or, as they sometimes call it, the “Georgia secondary method.”
3. Gus Malzahn will refuse to come out of his dressing room after accidentally being told that his beloved Dubble Bubble gum has been replaced with a cheaper knockoff.
4. Auburn’s running backs will have no leg strength after doing nothing but leg lifts for six hours after new offensive line coach Jack Bicknell Jr. insults “those puny calves that look like a baby.” Also, in this scenario, Bicknell talks like Hans and Franz from the old Saturday Night Live skit. Look it up, kids.
5. In a moment of whimsy, Nick Saban will go for the lighter blonde hair coloring instead of the darker version … errr, not that he colors his hair or anything. All natural. 
6. Struggling to put away Kentucky in Jordan-Hare Stadium, Malzahn will employ the secret Jared Harper package at quarterback with the actual Harper taking the snaps. The Wildcats will immediately melt down as the Tigers win by 28.
7. Anthony Schwartz, feeling unchallenged in track, will challenge a live cheetah to a 100-yard dash. Sensing a predator in the area, the eagles will circle the stadium and attack the cheetah at precisely the same time, resulting in the worst massacre on the field since Brodie Croyle visited in 2006.
8. Sensing the job security that usually comes with winning a national title, Ed Orgeron will decide to coach via Zoom from a remote island that will be undisclosed. It will turn out that he is actually just bathing in Mike the Tiger’s habitat. 
9. Following the first victory of the season, Chad Morris will be seen hyperventilating beneath the stadium, overwhelmed by the accomplishment of winning a SEC game.
10. The season ticket holders in Section 13 will sign a petition asking for the name of the section to be changed as 13 is an unlucky number. Auburn officials will perform the ultimate troll by renaming it Section 2020.
11. In a moment of hysteria, Associate Athletic Director/Communications Kirk Sampson will announce that he and only he will be answering the media’s questions following games. He will then spend 15 minutes rambling about deep dish pizza. 
12. Mike Leach and Lane Kiffin, forgetting that the Egg Bowl was to be played the next day, have to hire a private charter plane to get back to Mississippi from Key West where they were last seen closing down Flying Monkeys.
13. Anders Carlson will mock Alabama by kicking field goals barefooted and blindfolded while drinking a cup of hot tea.
14. Charles Barkley will show up in President Jay Gogue’s box and accidentally call him Dr. Leath. In a moment of irony, it will be Barkley that is thrown out a plate glass window.
15. Texas A&M’s “12th Man” will be down to nine after three fall ill from a case of preseason hype. The only cure is a mixture of disappointing losses and telling Texas that its song sounds like hell.
16. Dan Mullen will suddenly retire and take the job he was born to have: a salesman at a Mercedes dealership in South Florida. He WILL sell you on the platinum package, just a deal between you and him.
17. Patrick Nix will break the record for most shots of a dad in the crowd, formerly held by Archie Manning.
18. Tired of Auburn settling for a field goal after reaching the red zone, The Voice of the Auburn Tigers Andy Burcham will release a tirade that includes such dirty words as “shucks” and “dang.” 
19. Listening to Gary Danielson call a game for the first time, Tua Tagovailoa will think, “Man, that man needs to shut up about me.”
20. Smoke Monday will return an interception for a touchdown and then disappear into a literal cloud of smoke, landing him the starring role in the sequel to The Incredible Burt Wonderstone.
21. Georgia will once again fail to win its first national title since 1980. This is neither bold or insane.
22. Will Muschamp will finally snap for good, interrupting a game by punting the ball into the stands, sacking his own quarterback and escaping the scene via one of the cabooses parked outside the stadium. 
23. Big Kat Bryant will be forced to change his name after Carole Baskin mistakes him for competition and orders a hit on him. Not that she would ever do that. (Wink! Wink!) Wow. Tiger King feels so long ago.
24. The 2010 National Championship team will be welcomed back at halftime of the LSU game. Pete Thamel will immediately write that the ceremony is an insult to the game of football, nay, the entire world.
25. Auburn fans will take a loss in measure, seeing that it is only a game and won’t flood message boards and radio call-in shows with “Gus needs to be fired and now!” rants and will definitely not spread rumors about Bob Stoops hiring a realtor in the area because a friend who knows a friend’s brother’s cousin heard it over drinks at The Hound. Nope. That won’t happen at all.