COLLEGE FOOTBALL WATCH GRID: How to not worry about Bama (unless you’re UGA)

It’s college football season. We can pretend we only wanna watch good games, or we can face facts.

Here we have the final weekend of the regular season, which is also the first weekend of the postseason. Also, there’s one more regular-season game after this weekend, and all the lower levels of football are already well into their postseasons. Make sense? College football.

Every Championship Weekend, it’s easy to lose yourself in College Football Playoff jockeying and miss out on actual game stuff. The end of this very blog post focuses on playoff business, because all have fallen short.

As always, the Watch Grid sorts your weekend into three watchability columns. And as always, watchability is not strictly about game quality, team quality or quality of any kind. These things matter, though, I guess.

Friday, Dec. 3 college football schedule

Since Oregon-Utah is a rematch of a blowout and is a Pac-12 game, keep at least one eye on the FCS game, a seminal-worthy matchup in round two. Snow approaches greater metropolitan Hell Gate, Montana, but looks like it’ll just miss this game. Still, let’s get a load of what college football playoffs should look like, with top teams rewarded by getting to host games.

Saturday, Dec. 4 college football schedule

SICKOS GAME OF THE WEEK

Kinda has to be interim-coached USC meeting Cal in a game that could’ve just been canceled, since both teams are 4-7 anyway. Nevertheless, since the Mountain West continues to baffle by burying its title game among the early headliners, we are thankful to USC-Cal for giving us one last late-night event before bowl season.

The actual most important game of the week

All the others, by definition. And in FBS, all playoff talk revolves around one.

If Georgia beats Alabama, ignore those who’ll spend all of Saturday pre-angry about a two-loss Bama making it into the field anyway. They know you’re tired of the Tide acquiring bids even in subpar seasons, and they like to watch you fret yourself silly over the possibility of it happening again.

It won’t, unless cataclysms hammer the rest of the scoreboard.

  • Iowa beating No. 2 Michigan would be one such cataclysm. If nothing else, you have to assume the Hawkeyes will have a better time against Michigan’s offense than Ohio State did, since Iowa’s whole worldview is based around playing in games with modest box scores.
  • Houston beating No. 4 Cincinnati would be another. That’s where we are as a species: Alabama’s playoff fate might depend on an AAC team losing. (At this point, I think the only scenario in which a 13-0 Cincy doesn’t make the playoff could be: Alabama beats Georgia, and Oklahoma State annihilates Baylor.)
  • Baylor beating No. 5 Oklahoma State would also weirden (trying out a word) things.
  • And No. 6 Notre Dame exists! The Irish are moving quickly, reportedly replacing Brian Kelly with defensive coordinator Marcus Freeman, which makes it seem much less likely that the the playoff committee will punish Notre Dame players for a midseason coaching change.

So if this stuff is happening, does anyone really have the energy to present a grand case against a playoff field of Georgia, Notre Dame, maybe two-loss Michigan, and whoever’s available? I don’t even know which teams we’d furiously advocate. Would we all work up the bile to ride for a Baylor that’s lost to TCU’s interim coach? An Oregon that’s lost to Stanford, one of the country’s worst teams? At some point, there are only a few truly good options.

So there you go. No reason to worry about grand conspiracies favoring Bama. If the Tide reach the playoff, it’s because either they beat Georgia, or everything else fell apart to such a degree, somebody just had to be put in there. Don’t fall for the takesmiths who’ll try to stir you up otherwise.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL WATCH GRID: Happy Rivalry Weekend to all

It’s college football season. We can pretend we only wanna watch good games, or we can face facts.

Hello, you’ve arrived in the best weekend on the entire college football schedule every year. This is the week when so many teams compete against the people they hate the most, meaning deep stakes in games that do not deserve them, because deserving things is fake.

The College Football Playoff and whatever are still going on, but for just a few days, let’s focus on what matters most: Those b-holes from the other side of the [geographic body] looking dumb and dishonorable for what they’ve done to your superior alma mater. They’ll be sorry, once you’re celebrating with the most coveted icon in all of college sports, the [rivalry trophy made up outta nowhere one day nobody remembers].

As always, the Watch Grid sorts your weekend into three watchability columns. And as always, watchability is not strictly about game quality, team quality or quality of any kind. These things matter, though, I guess.

Thanksgiving and Black Friday college football schedule

Happy Egg Bowl Day to all who try to celebrate, I don’t know why we’re making Mountain West teenagers fight each other at 9 a.m. local time on Black Friday, and may Nebraska finally get to feel ok.

Saturday, Nov. 27 college football schedule

Let’s not forget the FCS playoffs are also going on, with most of the later games likely high-quality.

SICKOS GAME OF THE WEEK

Absolutely everything, based on the number of hurt feelings that will sprout all over the map.

But we have a contender for SICKOS GAME OF THE YEAR in Florida State-Florida, a battle between two teams that have combined for six national titles in the last 30 seasons. Six is an interesting number, since neither team has that many wins yet this year.

Bowl eligibility is on the line in a game that was once the national title matchup. One team is trotting out an interim coach, and the other has a coach whose record is still one win shy of the record that got his predecessor fired. All of this is depraved.

The actual most important game of the week

There’s a matter of some importance in the Big Ten.

Fans of playoff bubble teams will watch the Iron Bowl with interest, but I actually think rooting for Bama is the smarter move. (Yes, how much you care helps determine the outcome, per the 2003 documentary Elf.) If the Tide beat Georgia next week, then two SEC teams are very likely in the playoff, even if the Tide lose to Auburn this week. And losing to Auburn this week could only anger Nick Saban enough to increase Bama’s chances against Georgia. The man’s already about to explode.

The Big 12 is far from DQed, with either Oklahoma or Oklahoma State gaining a nicely ranked W this week, plus a chance to add another next week. There’s a chance the conference eats itself, but there’s also a chance two of its top-10 teams surrender all their rankings XP to the conference champ.

Cincinnati is sitting relatively pretty, still ranked quite fairly by the committee IMO. Unless the committee wants to sink to an absolutely wild new low by moving Notre Dame ahead of a team to which it lost by two scores at home, the Bearcats should have a floor of No. 4 heading into Championship Weekend, once either Ohio State or Michigan clears outta the top six. The real concerns at that point would be Bama beating Georgia and/or the Big 12 Championship. This all assumes Cincy wins out, and they should strive to do so by as many points as possible, to combat temptations to sneak Notre Dame ahead.

The Irish have a case of their own to make, and what an opportunity awaits. However bad you might think Stanford is this year, a look at basically any numbers will reveal they’re actually far worse. With no game to play next week, Notre Dame can leave its starters in and enter the clubhouse coated in Stanford Tree gore, dazzling the committee. (This means the funniest result of the entire season would be the Irish trying to run up the score, then losing to a bad team on pick-sixes or what have you.)

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COLLEGE FOOTBALL WATCH GRID, Week 12: Log jam

It’s college football season. We can pretend we only wanna watch good games, or we can face facts.

Look alive, it’s the second-last weekend of the college football regular season! This is unlikely to be the season’s most cataclysmic weekend, though we do have 10 ranked teams favored by only single digits. And I think this schedule is pretty sneaky-loaded.

First, we must salute the weekly parade of MAC teams that have already taken care of wins. This time, those are CMU, EMU, Miami (Ohio), NIU, and Toledo.

As always, the Watch Grid sorts your Saturday into three watchability columns. And as always, watchability is not strictly about game quality, team quality or quality of any kind. These things matter, though, I guess.

Thursday, Nov. 18 and Friday, Nov. 19 college football schedule

Pretty good Friday night, though I’d like to speak with whoever decided we needed to make the CFB completionist stay awake until 3 a.m. ET Saturday morning.

Saturday, Nov. 20 college football schedule

Whether you like decent games or terrible games, that’s a really crowded middle slate, huh?

SICKOS GAME OF THE WEEK

Last week, many noted the Texas Longhorns found themselves amid a five-game losing streak for the first time since 1956. Well, the worst thing about a five-game losing streak is that it can become a six-game losing streak. This could be the first time Texas has suffered such a thing since … 1956! The Horns went 1-9 that year, only beating a 6-4 Tulane by one point. Things could always be worse!

And they might be! West Virginia’s a three-point favorite in Morgantown!

But here’s what makes this situation truly sicko: WVU fans are likewise already disgruntled. Their team is 2-5 in Big 12 play, and Neal Brown’s tenure is 15-17 overall. This could be forgiven if the team won or lost via explosions, as is proper, but it mostly just sputters and/or makes opponents sputter. This means no matter what happens in Texas-WVU, somebody’s mad about sputterin’.

Let’s also remember how much WVU people would enjoy one last (maybe) win over the SEC-bound Longhorns. It was the rivalry-deprived Eers, after all, who made Horns Down a truly national thing.

The actual most important game of the week

We still have roughly 11 College Football Playoff contenders, a bit higher than the eight-ish we usually have at this point in the season, so we should either expect a bloody weekend or a real log jam of a finish.

Spartans-Buckeyes is an obvious playoff eliminator, but almost every other one-loss team is also in for a tussle. No. 3 Oregon, No. 6 Michigan, No. 9 Oklahoma State, No. 10 Wake Forest, or No. 13 Oklahoma could lose, and I’ve just jinxed No. 2 Alabama and No. 8 Notre Dame.

Undefeated Cincinnati also faces a scrap, with a chance to look like a CFP team for the first time in a month. I say this not to argue non-power teams deserve exclusion, but to argue it’s fair to expect great teams to dominate weak teams and beat good teams. Absolutely, this expectation should also apply to a team like Oregon, which has mostly been Green Cincinnati With A Loss To A Terrible Stanford this season.

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COLLEGE FOOTBALL WATCH GRID, Week 11

It’s college football season. We can pretend we only wanna watch good games, or we can face facts.

We’re now into the real heart of the college football season, when almost all bye weeks are done, rivalries are nigh, coaches are vanishing, and we’re ever likelier to hit that one annual weekend when everyone goes totally wrong. Might be this week! Ten higher-ranked teams are favored by only a touchdown or less, and another has to play Purdue!

First, congratulations are in order for EMU, Miami (Ohio), NIU, Ohio, Toledo, and WMU, teams with victories already secured for the week.

As always, the Watch Grid sorts your Saturday into three watchability columns. And as always, watchability is not strictly about game quality, team quality or quality of any kind. These things matter, though, I guess.

Thursday, Nov. 11 and Friday, Nov. 12 college football schedule

UNC-Pitt is both important-ish (the Panthers are close to winning the ACC Coastal, but Miami and Virginia are right there) and likely to be stupid (the Vegas total is 73 points).

And Friday, we have both Old Boise State against Wyoming and Current Boise State against USF. It’s not necessarily fair that Cincy should try to win by at least, say, 23 points, but college football’s only fair thing is the place where they fry Snickers bars before Oklahoma-Texas.

Saturday, Nov. 13 college football schedule

SICKOS GAME OF THE WEEK

This one’s been circled on the sicko calendar for quite a while now.

Those of you in your mid-20s or older surely remember the days when Florida State and Miami were almost always good at football. Well, that’s not the case at the moment. It hasn’t been the case for the last four years or so, but it’s really not the case right now.

For FSU, at least. The Noles are one loss away from ensuring Mike Norvell’s tenure begins with a worse 21-game stretch than the one that got predecessor Willie Taggart fired and have accomplished nothing more impressive all year than taking Notre Dame to overtime two months ago.

Miami’s season is definitely still in the sicko category, but its subgenre has shifted. This team is something of an anti-Nebraska, with a 5-2 record in one-score games. Back in week three, when the Canes had already suffered two blowout losses, it felt like time to pull the plug on Manny Diaz, but now what do you see? Miami couldn’t hang with Alabama or Michigan State, top-10 teams, but has otherwise (barely) beaten most of its opponents. So Miami enters this game with cause for wounded, timid optimism.

A big mess will follow, no matter the victor. But either way, we can count on the Canes to ensure the victor will not be certain until the final whistle, maximizing the agonies of all involved and the amusement of all uninvolved.

The actual most important game of the week

SOMEONE, PLEASE EITHER KNOCK OKLAHOMA OUTTA THE PLAYOFF RACE OR GET CRUSHED BY OKLAHOMA SO BADLY, IT’S FINALLY CLEAR OKLAHOMA DESERVES TO BE IN THE RACE AT ALL. Baylor, take a whack. Whatever happens, please make sure it’s convincing.

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COLLEGE FOOTBALL WATCH GRID, Week 10: Look, it’s November!

It’s college football season. We can pretend we only wanna watch good games, or we can face facts.

After a busy September and respectable October, we’ve made it to November, college football’s greatest month, full of the regular season’s highest stakes and meanest rivalries. History shows this is when the season’s most memorable chaos is likeliest to happen.

We’ll start off with a weekend full of middle-card drama, but no obvious main event. So this could go any number of ways! And congrats to Ball State, Central Michigan, Eastern Michigan, Kent State, and Ohio for already taking care of business this week.

As always, the Watch Grid sorts your Saturday into three watchability columns. And as always, watchability is not strictly about game quality, team quality or quality of any kind. These things matter, though, I guess.

Thursday, Nov. 4 and Friday, Nov. 5 college football schedule

Consider making this the week you check in on FCS. On Friday, Princeton-Dartmouth could end up being the Ivy League championship. And on Saturday, we have North Dakota State-South Dakota State and Montana State-Eastern Washington, either of which could count as a national semifinal-worthy meeting.

Saturday, Nov. 6 college football schedule

SICKOS GAME OF THE WEEK

Here are three options this week, for three varieties of SICKO.

  • If you’d like a pure endurance test, dare yourself to watch all of Missouri-Georgia, in which an alleged SEC team is a 39-point underdog. The Dawgs are usually content to park it around 30 points and call it a day, but it’s hard to picture how they’ll ever stop scoring against the country’s No. 126 run defense.
  • If you’d like to watch two horrendous teams play for pride, there’s ODU-FIU and UNLV-New Mexico, along with the Watch UMass Try To Beat A Decent FCS Team variant.
  • But if you’re just here for lols, it’s gonna be hard to top Texas-Iowa State. Not only are the Horns expected to lose their fourth game in a row, something they haven’t done within a single season since 2010, FS1’s announcers will surely have to find a way to discuss the monkey situation. Won’t that be exciting! It’s ok for all of us to be honest about which game we’ll be watching in prime time.

The actual most important game of the week

There could be a lot going on this week, even if the biggest bullies clock out early. Eleven ranked teams are in games with one-score point spreads, including No. 3 Michigan State, No. 4 Oregon, No. 9 Wake Forest, No. 11 Oklahoma State, and No. 12 Baylor.

And the next two teams on that list would be No. 13 Auburn and No. 14 Texas A&M, so sure, let’s go with that one. The winner will have a nice shot at a New Year’s Six bid, possibly even the Sugar Bowl.

Also, No. 6 Cincinnati could use a blowout victory after an ugly tussle with Navy and an ehh win over Tulane (which was still better than Oklahoma’s win over Tulane). At the moment, I think Cincy’s CFP ranking is reasonable, with most computer ratings also slotting them right outside the top four. And there might be some room to move up, with Michigan State and Ohio State still to meet, UGA potentially eliminating Bama, and Oregon looking likely to lose another game. It’s easy to picture something like Oklahoma leaping the Bearcats in a few weeks, especially after how poorly the committee has treated non-powers for seven years already, but I can’t declare 2021’s situation unfair just yet. So for now … Cincy could use a blowout victory.

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COLLEGE FOOTBALL WATCH GRID, Week 9: Happy Pauloween

It’s college football season. We can pretend we only wanna watch good games, or we can face facts.

As always, the Watch Grid sorts your Saturday into three watchability columns. And as always, watchability is not strictly about game quality, team quality or quality of any kind. These things matter, though, I guess.

We’re nearly through October, the annual semi-lull when many conferences dump their less-appealing matchups. And historically speaking, as the season progresses, things only get stranger. The Halloween weekend includes some matters of real importance, and also some things certain to go really poorly for somebody. Perfect!

Be advised the weeknight schedule is extra light this weekend, because of something happening in a sport I’m told is referred to as baseball.

Thursday, Oct. 28 and Friday, Oct. 29 college football schedule

Home runs!

Saturday, Oct. 30 college football schedule

SICKOS GAME OF THE WEEK

Two of this season’s most consistent participants in the Main Character, a weekly review of which college football teams made themselves a bit too perceptible, have been Florida State and Clemson. And now we are delighted to see them face each other.

One of the most critical Sicko Factors is this: How much guaranteed frustration does this contest promise, no matter who wins? In FSU-Clemson, the guarantee is large.

If Florida State wins, Clemson hits four losses in a regular season for the first time since 2010, the year that made everyone assume Dabo Swinney would never succeed as a head coach. And that’s with likely challenging games at Louisville and against Wake Forest still to go. Swinney’s team dropping from preseason No. 3 to 6-6 certainly isn’t likely, but it is on the table.

But if Clemson snaps the Noles’ three-game winning streak, bowl eligibility remains a major concern for Mike Norvell. And he would need to go 3-1 against NC State, Miami, Boston College, and Florida just to equal the record that got predecessor Willie Taggart fired.

The absolute state of the ACC’s two most recent national champs! Anyway, the conference title game could be a Pitt-Wake Forest playoff play-in.

The actual most important game of the week

Finally, an obvious one! Rivals Michigan and Michigan State meet with their highest combined ranking since 1964 and, for the first time ever, records of 7-0 or better. The Big Ten’s backloaded schedule means the winner still has to get past Ohio State, but with the playoff committee’s first rankings due out on Tuesday, I’d expect the Paul Bunyan Trophy champ to rank in the initial top four. (If the Wolverines win, I’m guessing they’ll rank No. 2. The AP has been squeamish about Michigan all year.)

Also, expect a livelier game than this rivalry’s archetypical grim display. Vegas has this game’s total over 50 points for just the third time since 2010, and both teams rank in the top 30 in yards per play.

In the middle time slot, let’s not count Georgia-Florida as critical viewing until the Gators score multiple touchdowns and/or play any defense at all.

And in the primetime spot, it’s the opposite story. Ohio State’s offense against Penn State’s defense could be one of the year’s best matchups, but is Penn State gonna, like, score? No matter how laser-focused James Franklin is on playing Illinois in Ann Arbor?

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COLLEGE FOOTBALL WATCH GRID, Week 8: Still charging

It’s college football season. We can pretend we only wanna watch good games, or we can face facts.

As always, the Watch Grid sorts your Saturday into three watchability columns. And as always, watchability is not strictly about game quality, team quality or quality of any kind. These things matter, though, I guess.

We remain in that regular annual October lull, when most conferences get their lesser matches outta the way before November raises all h*ck. Several amazing things and several dumb things (which are also amazing in their own ways) will happen regardless, because rankings are just suggestions.

And congratulations to Appalachian State for not only already being done playing football this week, but winning.

Thursday, Oct. 21 and Friday, Oct. 22 college football schedule

No two ways around it, folks: That’s a weeknight college football schedule.

Saturday, Oct. 23 college football schedule

SICKOS GAME OF THE WEEK

Here are two options:

  1. In terms of content that does not have a strong reason for existing, it’s gotta be New Mexico State at Hawaii. Most viewers will be staying up well past midnight to watch this game on some app, but that part’s pretty normal, because college football was a bad idea. This game is triple special because NMSU is quite arguably the worst team in FBS and has already lost to Hawaii by 20 points this season.
  2. I think the winner between unranked Clemson (a sicko term) and ranked Pitt (equally sicko) will win the ACC (a truly sicko conference on some of its worst behavior ever).

The actual most important game of the week

Oklahoma State-Iowa State and Oregon-UCLA appear likely to tidy up the playoff picture a little bit.

Now that LSU and Washington State are officially in the coaching market, the biggest hot seat game might be Manny Diaz’s 2-4 Miami hosting NC State as a three-point underdog.

And I added Ohio State-Indiana to the Watch This portion of the chart just because … uh … it felt strange to leave it blank except for one game that involves a 4-2 team.

But I guess I really do think Clemson-Pitt is the week’s most important game. Told you October is a weird lull!

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COLLEGE FOOTBALL WATCH GRID, Week 7: Uh-oh, the season’s halfway done!

It’s college football season. We can pretend we only wanna watch good games, or we can face facts.

As always, the Watch Grid sorts your Saturday into three watchability columns. And as always, watchability is not strictly about game quality, team quality or quality of any kind. These things matter, though, I guess.

After one of the wildest Saturdays in a while, this weekend sets up as more of a chill good time. Bye weeks are afoot, including breaks for seven ranked teams and three top-10 teams. But there’s no such thing as a boring college football Saturday.

Oh, congratulations to Louisiana for winning on Tuesday night. We’re now into the part of the season when things happen before Thursdays.

Thursday, Oct. 14 and Friday, Oct. 15 college football schedule

The most obvious potential excitement would be Clemson struggling many miles from home against a Syracuse team that’s 5-1 against the spread. Also, I think Navy might be becoming quietly dangerous. Like a submarine.

Saturday, Oct. 16 college football schedule

Stream live college football games every week this season from conferences across the country on ESPN+.

SICKOS GAME OF THE WEEK

 

This is UConn’s last good chance all season to win their first game since October 2019 (they wisely took 2020 off). Yale isn’t an excellent FCS team, but if you can lose to Holy Cross (as UConn did), you can lose to Yale.

But something even sicker is taking place in the Pac-12. Arizona is the rare power-conference team with a legit claim to rank as the worst team in FBS, boasting a winless record, a loss to 2-3 FCS Northern Arizona, a blowout loss to the Mountain West’s San Diego State, and a No. 117 ranking in the computer composite, as well as a UConn-like lack of wins since October 2019.  The only “powers” who can compete with this résumé are Kansas (which has won a game), Vanderbilt (won two games, though one was UConn), Cal (won a game and nearly two or three more), and … Colorado (which, um, nearly beat the team that just beat Alabama).

Your sickos game of the week is Arizona at Colorado. If Arizona loses, Jedd Fisch’s Wildcats could be on pace to accomplish something special. It’s simply hard to go winless as a power-conference team, let alone to do it through two full seasons’ worth of games across three years. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves, because an Arizona win would sully Colorado enough to mean 16 percent of the Pac-12 resides in the bottom, say, 16 percent of FBS. [Tries to get THE ALLIANCE chant going.]

The actual most important game of the week

All the top teams project to win pretty comfortably. I can’t crown Kentucky-Georgia as super important until UK does something wild like score multiple touchdowns against the Dawgs. Both teams have the same idea, running the ball and playing defense, but that’s kinda like saying Squirtle and Gigantamax Blastoise both shoot water.

There’s a chance Michigan State-Indiana could start thinning down the Big Ten’s records, which are partially inflated by none of the East’s best teams playing each other yet.

And Florida-LSU could clinch Ed Orgeron’s Tigers hitting their win total under with four more likely losses still to go. Coach O’s bid to save his job requires a big upset win real soon.

But I guess it’s probably Oklahoma State-Texas, which could either establish an iffy OSU as a legit unbeaten contender for the Big 12 title or keep Texas bobbing around the rankings indefinitely, as usual.

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COLLEGE FOOTBALL WATCH GRID, Week 6: Believe in weird stuff

It’s college football season. We can pretend we only wanna watch good games, or we can face facts.

As always, the Watch Grid sorts your Saturday into three watchability columns. And as always, watchability is not strictly about game quality, team quality or quality of any kind. These things matter, though, I guess.

This is a really great Saturday, with three games that could’ve each served as a worthy headliner, plus plenty of other interesting stuff. This is despite Alabama-Texas A&M, the offseason’s most anticipated conference game, shaping up to be an expensive dud.

And if nothing else, Notre Dame might lose its second game in a row. See? There’s something here for everyone to enjoy.

Thursday, Oct. 7 and Friday, Oct. 8 college football schedule

This is without question a weeknight college football schedule.

Saturday, Oct. 9 college football schedule

Stream live college football games every week this season from conferences across the country on ESPN+.

SICKOS GAME OF THE WEEK

Yes, UConn-UMass is in the middle column, even though it’s unlikely you have access to its broadcast. Here we have a battle between the two worst winless teams in FBS, something that typically only happens a couple times per decade. Savor the history.

But I’m going with Alabama-Texas A&M, a game everyone swore would be really big this year. The Aggies ranked No. 6 in the preseason AP Top 25 a year after murmuring that they deserved a playoff spot. In May, A&M coach Jimbo Fisher did a viral by replying to a fan’s question about finally beating Alabama by saying, “We’re going to beat his ass.”

Folks, if there’s one thing Jimbo knows, it’s cash!

Nick Saban looked delighted to be handed a little bit of Bulletin Board Material, the kind of thing Bama usually has to manufacture in-house because nobody is crazy enough to actually talk trash about the Tide.

Saban, already 24-0 against his former assistants, looks to run it up further against his former offensive coordinator Fisher. And this game is in the most dangerous possible schedule slot for the A&M coach, who’s already lost two games he wasn’t supposed to lose. The plan was not to go from No. 6 and “beat his ass” to .500 by mid-October, with Auburn, Ole Miss, and LSU still ahead.

Or A&M could win! Now how sicko would that be?

The actual most important game of the week

A host of options! I’m less interested in what the AP poll and College GameDay say right now, and more interested in the long-term forecast.

If Iowa beats Penn State, the Hawkeyes’ path to the playoff is … uh … relatively easy. A victorious PSU would still have a tough road, but would at least be in great shape for a really nice bowl. I wouldn’t advise watching this game until the final five minutes, because it’s likely to be 7,000 punts until all the rules of football suddenly collapse.

The Red River Rootin’-Tootin’ Royal Rumble Revival promises similar prizes for the winner, though Texas has already spent its one freebie loss for the year.

And let’s not overlook Michigan-Nebraska, where Jim Harbaugh appears to have finally put some things together, but would be hooted at and/or hollered at if he were to lose to Scott Frost, despite the weird fact that Nebraska is kinda decent this year.

But keep some eyes on Georgia-Auburn, for two reasons. First, if haywire dangerman Bo Nix can’t score on UGA’s defense, then can anybody? These Dawgs call to mind some of Saban’s old defenses, the ones that were fortresses against all offenses that made sense, but could spring leaks against opponents that just went out there and did weird stuff, and nobody does weird stuff quite like Nix’s Auburn. If not even a Weird Stuff team can move the ball against UGA, we might have something all-time special here. The second reason: the game’s at Auburn, college football’s most notorious factory of weird stuff.

Basically, UGA-Auburn matters because there are not many chances left for teams to figure how to attack the Dawgs. The winner of Penn State-Iowa will have a great chance at a Big Ten title, but the reward might just be … having to face Georgia. Or Alabama.

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COLLEGE FOOTBALL WATCH GRID, Week 5: Best weekend yet

It’s college football season. We can pretend we only wanna watch good games, or we can face facts.

As always, the Watch Grid sorts your Saturday into three watchability columns. And as always, watchability is not strictly about game quality, team quality or quality of any kind. These things matter, though, I guess.

This week, the Watch Grid brings great news, because this is the season’s finest weekend so far, or at very least since Week 1. This is the part of the season when teams become more likely to play opponents within their own weight classes, thanks in part to conference scheduling.

There are multiple headliner-worthy games, plus a whole bunch of decent midcard stuff. And even the bad games are that special kind of rubbernecking-grade bad. Something for the whole family!

Thursday, Sept. 30 and Friday, Oct. 1 college football schedule

And we’re starting out hot. That’s an ok Thursday night, and Friday features what somehow might be the season’s biggest weeknight game until Thanksgiving. The No. 5 team is only favored by a field goal on the road in a battle of unbeatens, and as long as you don’t think too hard about the name of the home team, you can get yourself pretty worked up about this game.

Saturday, Oct. 2 college football schedule

Stream live college football games every week this season from conferences across the country on ESPN+.

SICKOS GAME OF THE WEEK

So many contenders on this slate. Auburn-LSU deserves special recognition, because either Bryan Harsin’s Auburn chases a loss to Penn State with a near-loss to Georgia State and a loss to a rival, or Ed Orgeron becomes LSU’s first coach this millennium to lose at home to Auburn. The losing team’s odds of making a bowl also become uncomfortable!

But there can be no choice other than UConn-Vanderbilt, in which possibly one of history’s worst major-level teams has a reasonable chance to win an SEC road game. In your mind, turn this statement like a jewel, letting different beams of light reveal its many mysteries.

The actual most important game of the week

If Arkansas or Ole Miss can actually present serious challenges to this season’s only two seemingly awesome teams, then there’s your answer.

But let’s propose Cincinnati-Notre Dame, likely the hardest game all season for both participants. Obviously, the Irish would make the playoff with a 12-0 record, but I believe the Bearcats would then have a straight path to the tourney, not that it’s easy to win every week as a favorite. And yeah, I’m aware they’re not in a power conference yet.

We recommend interesting sports viewing/streaming and betting opportunities. If you sign up for a service by clicking one of the links, we may earn a referral fee. Newsrooms are independent of this relationship and there is no influence on news coverage.

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