[autotag]Christopher Daniel[/autotag] knows what happens next each time he plays the memory of the worst day of his life in his head. It’s like a horror movie he’s seen a million times before.
It’s difficult, but therapeutic for Daniel to talk about it. Eight years later, he still vividly remembers walking through his front door on that warm Sunday night in Plantation, Fla., after a work shift at Nissan in the summer of 2015.
“I couldn’t find him,” Daniel recounts thinking, as he treaded into a nightmare. “I saw one watching TV. The other one I was looking for. I said, ‘Hey, where’s your brother. Where’s your brother?’ At this time, he’s one-and-a-half, so he can’t really speak. I’m looking all over the house. I can’t find him. I’m like, ‘Yo, you better not be in the backyard.’ So I go in the backyard and unfortunately I see him in the pool, facedown.”
Then 24 years old, Daniel went to work that morning in an effort to be a good father, to make a living providing for his children. When he returned, one of his sons was nowhere to be found. Jayden Daniel, 4, wandered into the backyard, fell in the pool, and died.
“I had guilt of, ‘Why did I go to work? Was money more important than me being with my son?’ If I had not gone to work that day, my son would be alive. I would’ve been holding him and talking to him and kissing him and all that,” Daniel said.
To make matters worse, Daniel’s mother was on babysitting duties but accidentally nodded off. A previously stalwart family relationship imploded across three generations of bloodlines.
“At that moment, I resented my mom. I resented my youngest because I just felt like I lost the biggest part of me,” Daniel said. “That was like my brother, my best friend, my everything.”
Daniel considers himself an introvert, which trapped the noise in his head, echoing off the walls of his conscience to the brink of unbearableness in the weeks that followed. As the noise got louder, the distance between him and others got further – until intervention was needed.
“I went into a deep depression,” Daniel said. “I almost wanted to commit suicide almost every day. … I didn’t want to talk to people about how I felt, my frustrations.
“Everyone kept saying to me, ‘Hey, hey, I’m sorry.’ Those things weren’t going to bring my son back, you know? That emotion almost brought me to the last breath of me.”
As time moved on, healing slowly but surely occurred. Other memories of his son intercepted the signals of tragedy replays. One in particular, became more poignant from the rest – and ultimately saved Daniel from himself.
The promise
On the last evening they spent together, Jayden sat with his father on the couch as the two watched television. Their interests were both different and the same. They enjoyed each other’s company, but as with most families, the point of contention was what programming to throw on the television.
As Daniel scrolled, he settled on a UFC Fight Night event. This was not the Disney cartoons that Jaylen wanted. Anyone who watches MMA cards from beginning to end knows it’s a lengthy process for an adult, never mind a four-year-old, so the grievances aired early and often.
“Dad, can we put something else on?” Jayden said.
“No, let’s continue to watch for at least 30 more minutes,” Daniel responded.
That’s when the inevitable follow-up question was asked.
“Why?” Jayden asked.
As usual, Daniel was briefly stumped by the deep-dive questioning, so he went to his dad bank of harmless white lies.
“Because you’ll see me on TV one day fighting in the cage just like that,” Daniel responded.
The answer sufficed and the two enjoyed the rest of the night.
The memory is so powerful for Daniel, who has since vowed to make good on a promise that was off the cuff at the time.
“I was just joking,” Daniel said. “The next day when he passed away. I was like, man, that promise I gave him, he’s going to see me fight on TV.”
It’s time for times to change
There were realizations and epiphanies Daniel had along the way, so he’s proud of his progress. In 2023, things are much brighter and he has a new outlook on the past, present, and future. But without the help of others, Daniel would be worse off than an 8-2 pro MMA fighter, knocking on the UFC’s doorstep.
Daniel credits those around him for bringing him out of his introverted shell, an effort that may have saved his life. MMA saved him, too. He went from an MMA hobbyist to a driven athlete with the hope of making fighting a living.
One person in particular, former UFC fighter Jim Alers, was a major player in getting Daniel’s life back on track. Alers served as Daniel’s coach and helped him rebound when he’d relapse into depressive thoughts.
“He’s been there since Day 1, since the tragic event with my son,” Daniel said. “Even when I had a full-time job at Nissan, he always put in the effort. If I gave 100, he gave 110 percent. He always held me accountable all the time, even when I lost and it set me back. … I’m the type of person when I lose or I’m having a depression, he’s the guy knocking on my door, calling my phone saying, ‘Hey, where are you at? Are you training?’ He holds me accountable. If it wasn’t for him, I would not be this guy who is 8-2 speaking to you right now.”
The memory will always hurt, but Daniel doesn’t feel as guilty as he once did. While he’ll never forget the tragedy of his four-year-old son Jayden’s untimely death, he came to terms with it, as best as a human possibly can. He forgave himself, his other son, and his mother who he once blamed.
The key to his mental freedom was speaking out – a tough task for most, made more daunting by his inherent shyness and seclusion.
“Just speak up,” Daniel offered, as advice to others struggling with mental health issues. “Don’t be scared to talk your feelings out. It’s not a ‘girl trait.’ It doesn’t make you a p*ssy. At the end of the day, we’re all humans. We all have emotion that we have to throw out there. Holding it in, all you’re doing is killing yourself softly. It makes no sense. Speak up.”
The message, similar to the viral post-fight interview Paddy Pimblett gave in March, is something Daniel hopes to echo as his platform expands.
What better way to spread his meaningful message than to make good on the promise he made to Jayden?
“It’s a sad story, but unfortunately, it’s my story,” Daniel said. “… I’m not trying to just use this MMA to be famous. We all know that MMA, especially at the lower levels, you don’t have that much money. I’m doing it for the promise that I gave my son. Using everything that happened to me to be an inspiration to other people, to parents that lost their child as well, not just by drowning, but other incidents of that, to let them know it’s OK.
“It’s OK to move on. Just because you move on doesn’t mean they’re gone.”
Daniel returns to action Saturday at Combat Night in Orlando, Fla. as he fights Jason Eastman (7-4).
