Clare Crawley’s season of ‘The Bachelorette’ finally began on Tuesday night – and a season unlike any other seems destined to have an unprecedented mid-season twist, as the previews teased the arrival of a new Bachelorette. Is Clare ready to commit and leave the show after a love-at-first-sight encounter?
We’ll be recapping each episode and ranking all the contestants weekly on FTW.
1. Dale
Dale’s connection with Clare is almost too good to be true, which has many Bachelorette fans questioning whether he and Clare met previously before the show.
Dale’s first impression out of the limo was rather forgettable, but Clare seemingly fell in love with him on the spot. After he went inside, she remarked that she felt like she just met her husband – something Chris Harrison says has never happened before in the history of the show.
During a conversation later in the show, Dale asked how Clare’s mother is doing, and brings up his own family. We can only see the clips of conversations ABC wants us to see, but the entire exchange felt way too familiar, especially given that it centered around sensitive topics like family and illnesses.
Clare later rewarded Dale with the first impression rose, and they shared a passionate kiss that Clare said she’s been waiting for. The question is just how long has she been waiting? I believe Clare and Dale know each other on some level – the same way Peter had a connection with Kelley before his season – and that they tried to conceal that in the first episode.
The episode preview more or less spoils the arc of the show. Dale already has a tremendous lead on the field, the other men in the house try to alert Clare to Dale’s real character, and may even stage a walkout when Clare chooses Dale over the rest. We even see a clip of Clare and Dale in bed together, which typically isn’t something that happens until fantasy suites very late in the season.
2. BLAKE MOYNES
Blake Moynes scored the first kiss of the show with Clare, after she revealed that he broke Bachelorette protocol by contacting her during the shutdown before filming began. Blake apparently messaged Clare to let her know she was in his thoughts, which Clare says “meant everything to her.”
I really thought Blake was the favorite to win the first impression rose, but he’s built up enough goodwill to cruise for the next few weeks – or at least until Clare “blows up ‘The Bachelorette.'”
3. EAZY
Eazy is an energetic, fun-loving guy, and if we didn’t already know who the next Bachelor is, I could see him being a very popular choice. In his first conversation with Clare, they talked about their families and seemed to have some chemistry.
4. JASON
Jason, the guy who stepped out of the limo with a fake belly as a callback to Clare’s meeting with Juan Pablo, had the most interesting conversation of the night with Clare.
Jason: “I want a cabin in the woods!”
Clare: “Are you going to be murdering people there?”
I’m not sure what to make of that. Clare either feels comfortable enough with Jason to joke about murder, or she thinks he might murder people in cabins. He got the rose, though, which is all that matters for now.
5. JOE
Dr. Joe seems like he’s ultimately headed to Paradise, but he’s really going the extra mile for Clare. He dropped a wonderfully over the top line in his intro – “I’m here to save your life. Your love life.” – and later set up an entire table of origami during their cocktail party conversation.
6. KENNY
Kenny wins the award for the suavest move of the night during his limo exit. He wore a shirt with pictures of Clare’s two dogs printed on his, which led her to touch his chest in order to “pet” her dogs.
He didn’t have any chance to talk to Clare later on because of the Tyler-Yosef drama, but there was no way she was forgetting the shirt.
7. BEN
Ben gets an ‘A’ for effort and a ‘D’ for execution. During the cocktail party, Ben brought Clare outside to play a carnival test-of-strength game – a memorable experience compared to most of the boring conversations she had with other guys – but after she hit the machine and landed in the “first kiss” area, Ben….. did not get a first kiss. That was your big moment, Ben!
— The ‘Guys We Don’t Really Know Yet’ Division —
T-8. BRANDON
Brandon was the only person to kiss Clare on the cheek after stepping out of the limo, but was invisible the rest of the night.
T-8. BRENDAN
It’s going to take me the entire season to be able to tell Brendon from Brandon.
T-8. ED
Ed showed up inside a giant bubble because he “wanted to be prepared,” and later played an oversized bowling game with Clare using the bubble.
T-8. BLAKE MONAR
Who?
T-8. DEMAR
Demar wore a parachute to the mansion because he “may have fallen” for Clare already. He didn’t get a chance to talk to Clare later in the night, but survived the Rose Ceremony.
T-8. GARIN
Garin introduced himself as “kind of fun,” which seems strange. You’re only kind of fun, Garin?
T-8. IVAN
Ivan spoke Tagalog in his first meeting with Clare, but did not get a chance to speak with her after the limo exit.
T-8. JAY
Jay came out of the limo wearing a straitjacket, and proceeded to wear it for the entire night. These costume gags on the first night almost never work, but Jay somehow advanced to the second episode despite not getting to talk to Clare. It may have been the first pity rose of the season.
T-8. JORDAN C.
Jordan C. brought Clare popcorn – or potentially just brought himself popcorn and strategically let Clare have a few pieces. Either way, smart move.
T-8. RILEY
Riley, an attorney, dropped a hilarious line on Clare at the limo exit, telling her that she’d be found “guilty as charged for looking beautiful in this dress.”
T-8. TYLER S.
I *think* Tyler S. had the first post-limo conversation with Clare, and told her that he wanted to be on the show for her specifically, not just for any random woman. ABC did a fairly poor job with name chyrons throughout the show, so it’s entirely possible I’m mistaking Tyler S. for someone else.
T-8. ZAC C.
Zac C. had months to think up a charming introduction for when he got out of the limo to meet Clare, but all he managed was to tell her he’s “happy [he] didn’t settle.” Lame.
T-8. ZACH J.
Zach J. is “the guy who brought a gag ring box that doubles as a fart machine.” To be fair, there are worse guys to be.
21. MIKE (eliminated)
Mike, the Canadian who looks like he might be an NHL player, brought Clare a pair of sandals for comfort and later put them on her feet in their one-on-one conversation, which maybe was over the line. Still, he seemed like a better option than several of the men Clare offered roses to.
22. BENNETT
Bennett is destined to become a Paradise legend. He showed up in a Rolls Royce wearing a scarf, and spend his evening drinking martinis. This is an actual quote from Bennett:
“I went to Harvard, of course I’m proud of that. They call it the H-Bomb when you drop that.”
Bennett was born to be on this show, and while I’m certain he has absolutely zero chance with Clare (or any other future Bachelorette), he’s going to be a blast to experience.
23. TYLER C. (eliminated)
Tyler C. delivered the first real dose of Bachelorette drama this season, and it may have led to his surprise elimination. Tyler, from Morgantown, had dirt on Yosef, who Tyler says is guilty of “being reckless on Instagram.”
According to Tyler, he was contacted by a college student at West Virginia who had been contacted with a mass text from Yosef. Worried that Yosef might not be here for the right reasons, Tyler pulled Yosef aside and discussed what he knew, but showed no intention of going to Clare with the information.
Yosef defended himself poorly, saying that he doesn’t remember what Tyler was talking about – but then immediately went to Clare and said that Tyler was attempting to drag his name through the mud. Clare then pulled both men aside for a group discussion, and Yosef said he didn’t currently have a girlfriend (but left open the possibility that he’s messaging lots of women).
At the Rose Ceremony, though, Clare passed over Tyler C. and offered her last rose to Yosef. That’s probably not going to end well.
24. CHASEN
Chasen wore a full suit of armor to meet Clare, then awkwardly stripped it all off and left it sitting on a walkway for Chris Harrison to clean up.
25. JORDAN M. (eliminated)
Jordan M. may have been a “tall drink of water,” but Clare just wasn’t that thirsty.
26. AJ (eliminated)
AJ wore a burgundy suit, which was a nice move to differentiate himself – but then squeezed her hands way too hard as he babbled about the percentage of people who have green eyes.
27. CHRIS (eliminated)
Chris had an entirely forgettable entrance and was missing from the rest of the show. Not a surprising elimination.
28. PAGE (eliminated)
Page, one of the two dads on the cast, also may hold the Bachelorette record for most tattoos.
29. JEREMY (eliminated)
30. ROBBY (eliminated)
I can’t remember who these guys are, honestly, and neither could Clare.
31. YOSEF
In his first conversation with Clare, Yosef assured her that he’s “here for the right reasons.” That’s the first warning flag that a person may not be here for the right reasons. It’s like Fight Club.
Yosef’s explanation to Clare when asked if he’s messaging college girls was simply baffling, and should have led to an immediate ejection. I mean, just look at this transcript:
Clare: “Did you do that?”
Yosef: “First of all…. I mean, if I was going to message someone, they respond to me.”
What? Yosef then went on dodge the allegation further by telling her that the “main thing” is that he doesn’t currently have a girlfriend. That’s reassuring!
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