An ode to the most meaningless preseason trophies of 2022

Why even play an exhibition game if there’s not a gigantic trophy on the line?

The biggest goal for any player in their career, besides, you know, fame and fortune, is winning trophies.

Lifting silverware is the easiest way to write your name into the history books, to forever endear yourself to your side’s supporters, to make yourself immortal.

But every preseason, that old axiom is put to the test.

As teams go through the paces and prepare for their regular seasons, many find, somewhat surprisingly, that they are awarded a gigantic trophy after scoring more goals than the other team in a rather meaningless friendly match.

The scenes that ensue are memorably awkward. All the signs and sounds of a major trophy win – confetti, banners, smoke machines, and the hardware itself – are present, but the presentation is more procedural than career-defining milestone.

Here, then, we present some of the mostly memorably meaningless trophy wins of the 2022 preseason.