DETROIT — Kim Thompson of Michigan talks about first meeting her Canadian boyfriend Art Malott some 15 years ago, she describes their love story as "almost a fairy tale."
She harbored a crush on Malott for years as their paths periodically crossed. Then, two years ago, Thompson finally worked up the nerve to flirt with him. On April 15, 2018, the two had their first date.
Since then, they have been practically inseparable, spending every weekend and sometimes weekday nights together. But the fairy tale ended about four months ago when the coronavirus pandemic forced the Canada and U.S. governments to close land borders to all nonessential visitors.
"He was my last hug. I spent my birthday by myself," Thompson, 56, said, crying. "I spent the holiday by myself. I live alone, so I’ve had to isolate alone."
At first, Malott was cavalier, telling Thompson during their last visit on March 15, "I’ll see you in a couple weeks."
"Now we know where the world's gone. It’s extremely frustrating and very lonely. It’s tough to talk about," Malott, 56, said, fighting back tears. "This is the most I’ve talked about it, other than with Kim.”
On June 8, Canada eased its restrictions to let married and common-law couples over the border. To prove common law, a couple must show through tax returns or joint utility bills that they have lived together for at least a year. That leaves couples such as Thompson and Malott, who are not married, but in long-term, committed relationships, out in the cold.
Now thousands of unmarried committed couples are demanding Canada's government give them exemption from the travel restrictions too.
"Marriage is impossible for us right now and may never be possible for us," said Thompson, of Ferndale, Michigan. She works for General Motors in Warren and Malott works for Eaton Electric Canada, making relocating difficult for either one. "I feel like we’re being penalized because we chose to have this kind of relationship."
'Lost in the technicalities'
The travel restrictions have left US-Canada couples exasperated and distraught. It's why Advocacy for Family Reunification at the Canadian Border was formed. The group, whose goal is to reunite families, has grown to 2,045 members in about 100 days.
The group will present a petition, signed by nearly 3,000 people, to Canada's government on July 10. It asks the government to include couples who are in long-term, committed relationships to be allowed over the border. If Canada agrees, the group hopes the United States will reciprocate.
"For various cultural or political reasons, many of us are not married," said David Edward-Ooi Poon, who co-founded the advocacy group. "I don’t think the government has set out to keep couples apart, I think we’re just lost in the technicalities."
The technicalities are many. Currently, Canada prohibits most foreigners from entering the country for nonessential travel. The government relaxed the rules on June 8 to allow foreigners who do not have COVID-19 to visit immediate family in Canada — including spouses and common-law partners. Those visitors must stay for at least 15 days and quarantine for 14 days, according to Canada Border Services Agency.
A spokesman for the border agency told the Detroit Free Press of the USA TODAY Network that the government recognizes the challenges of the pandemic and the temporary border restrictions and is looking at ways to "keep families together" while controlling public health risks.
"We recognize that these are difficult situations for some, however these are unprecedented times, and the measures imposed were done so in light of potential public health risks and to help reduce and manage the number of foreign travel-related cases of COVID-19," said Carl-Louis Brissette Lesage, spokesman for the agency.
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No open borders
But to the chagrin of cross-border couples, Canada's government recently approved three Canadian cities to be potential hub cities for the NHL playoff tournament, according to the Toronto Sun. That means Canada would allow American hockey players and teams a "cohort quarantine" to bypass the 14-day isolation rule when crossing the border.
"If it’s possible for NHL players to safely get across the border, I don’t understand why there can’t be safe ways for our loved ones to get across?" said Danielle Fan, a 29-year-old Canadianresident whose boyfriend of three years, David Goodrich, 29, lives in Troy, Michigan.
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Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has 45 days to respond after Poon presents the petition to the House of Commons next week, Poon said. He is adamant that the group is not pushing for open borders.
"We merely want exemption," said Poon, whose long-term girlfriend lives in Ireland. He has not seen her since mid-March. "We’re saying a fiancé is no different than a married couple just because of a piece of paper.”
Fan and Goodrich say they also oppose an open border, but they hope that Canada will devise a gradual opening.
"There could be regional openings only allowing states with lower numbers of cases to enter Canada, or testing at the border, or only quarantine for the amount of time you’ll be here, not the whole two weeks," Fan said. "There are so many things the government could explore."
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More extensions
Canada's international border restriction, not including the United States, was set to expire by midnight on Tuesday, meaning foreign nationals were then free to come to Canada.
"But at the very last possible chance, it has been extended to July 31," Poon said. "We are very upset that this was brought up the day before Canada Day where no media could ask the prime minister as to the rationale. It was also done the day the previous order was to expire so most of us who had plans now have to scramble. Europe announced that Canadians are allowed into the EU starting July 1; please explain why not the other way around?"
Poon said the government likely did not seek to keep families apart, but the way the latest travel restriction was communicated "appears intentionally nontransparent."
The restrictions against the United States' citizens are set to expire July 21, unless Canada extends it as it has in the past. Poon hopes the petition will prompt the government to give the couples' exemption before the July 21 date or if there is an extension.
"The assumption is the U.S. will then reciprocate, but either way, the majority of our members would be very happy once they allow committed couples into Canada," Poon said.
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Take flight to the states
On the U.S. side, the land border is open only to essential workers, such as truck drivers. It is closed to all Canadian visitors. But any Canadian can fly into the United States with few restrictions.
That means that Malott or Fan could drive four hours to Toronto, brave a crowded airport that potentially exposes them to the virus, spend hundreds of dollars to fly to Detroit in a trip that would ultimately take 8 to 10 hours, they said, compared with the usual under-an-hour drive to see their U.S. partner.
Beyond all that, Fan said there is no guarantee that she would get through U.S. customs and when she returns to Canada, it would be at the discretion of the individual border agent if she would need to quarantine.
Then, there is the thought of saying goodbye again after the time together, Fan said, "and not knowing when we can see each other again is very upsetting for me as saying goodbye on March 16 was one of the hardest days of my life."
Additionally, Malott has four dogs that travel with him to Thompson's house, where she has five dogs. He would have to leave the pups behind with a caregiver if he flew to Michigan.
"I don’t want him flying over here, wasting that time, money and leaving his dogs. His dogs are a very important part of our life," Thompson said. "So I’m prepared to continue to go on until they open the land border.”
For now, both couples visit via technology, including FaceTime.
“It’s very, very emotional for me," said Fan, who met Goodrich in 2017 on a dating app. "David knows that I spend most of my time crying because I miss him. I haven't hugged anyone in four months, the closest I got was I accidentally hugged my mom and I had to back off and realize I shouldn’t have done that."
Denied even in death
The couples know their suffering is trivial compared to others.
“I’ve told Danielle that this is the least of our worries right now," Goodrich said. "You have soldiers who go on tour for months and months at a time and people in other countries far worse. This is something we can get through. It's just frustrating when you see there are opportunities the government could explore, but they're not," such as testing and quarantine until the results are negative.
For Windsor, Canada, resident Kayla Zikic, 30, even the death of her father wasn't enough to get her boyfriend of five years, Dave Toennies, 28, safe passage across the border.
Zikic's father died unexpectedly last month and being next of kin, it fell on her to make all the funeral arrangements and take care of his remaining business. She needed help.
"We spoke to the border agents about getting over here on compassionate grounds. We got a letter confirming my father’s passing and a letter from the funeral home," Zikic said. "(Toennies) tried to cross and they still denied him, even on compassionate grounds. So I had to go through the whole funeral process on my own."
To make matters worse, Zikic is an essential health care worker in Canada, therefore she must quarantine from her 10-year-old daughter.
“It’s already extremely disheartening. The feeling of being unheard," Zikic said. “I understand the necessity of it and I was all for it in the beginning. But the continued extensions and seeing other groups exempted, it’s contradictory nonsense. If I had met my boyfriend three months ago and married him on the spot, we’d be considered more of a family than having been together for five years.”
Follow reporter Jamie L. LaReau on Twitter @jlareauan.
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