It is the beginning of June, which means we are deep into list season (Speaking of, go and give Doug Farrar’s position rankings a read when you’re done here).
Yes, we’re cranking out our lists and opinions as we’re held captive by Big Content in a secondary location that we aren’t allowed to leave to ensure all of you reading are well-fed until training camp arrives.
With that said, it’s time to talk the men under the headset that range from former players to former ball boys to dudes who are just smart and know how to run an offense or design a defense. From 32-1, here are my 2024 NFL head coach rankings
Dennis Allen is the head coaching version of sitting on a whoopie cushion. The Saints have been dreadfully boring with no sense of direction ever since Sean Payton stepped away. They are 16-18 over their last two seasons and find themselves in quarterback purgatory as Derek Carr is clearly not the future. The Saints’ best option would be to finally blow everything up and begin to rebuild in 2025. It would be three years after they should have done it, but better late than never.
Eberflus is the latest example of a good haircut and beard being able to fix any sort of issue for a man, but the verdict is still out on if he will ever be a successful head coach. Both of his years in charge of the Bears have been suboptimal, and now he is standing on his last leg. Chicago has had a good offseason, and it had better yield good results on the field.
*Shrugs shoulders*
I mean, I think this could all work, but the Patriots are very much on the “to be determined” list. I like how they’ve attacked the offseason by getting Drake Maye and naming Alex Van Pelt their offensive coordinator. It feels like we’ll see a far more exciting and explosive Patriots offense, which is good considering the offense from a year ago was about as explosive as an empty water gun. Their defense should also be up to par, but this is far from a one-year fix.
Working with Brian Daboll sounds like working with a combination of J. Jonah Jameson and Daffy Duck. If you read Pat Leonard’s tremendous piece on the dysfunction within the Giants’ coaching staff, the entire situation reads like Daboll will be gone by mid-season. This organization is a wreck that is somehow still clinging to the already-dead dream of Daniel Jones ever being good.
Robert Saleh has accomplished nothing since taking over as Jets head coach. And while last season felt like a cruel joke from the Football Gods, this is still very much a do or die year for Saleh. He is 18-33 in three seasons at the helm. If the Jets fail to make the postseason in 2024, there is no reason why he should return as head coach.
The second of the first-year head coaches on the list thus far, I do think this could work for the Titans. They’ve surrounded Will Levis with a lot of talent and given him an offensive mind that helped Jake Browning look awesome last year after Joe Burrow went down with injury. Callahan is the exact type of coach Levis needs to develop as an intermediate passer and become more precise rather than just throwing screens or piss missiles.
I said last season that Todd Bowles was the worst coach in the NFL- the Buccaneers then went onto make it to the divisional round of the playoffs. Now, while I credit most of that to a man who will be named later, Bowles does deserve to jump a few spots on the list.
The Raiders have tried the guru-type head coach twice and it backfired tremendously both times. Credit to the organization for hiring Pierce, who earned the job after taking over as interim coach and has the admiration and respect of his players. That’s more than can be said about Josh McDaniels, whose meal ticket Bill Belichick is no longer around for him to hitch his wagon to.
Dave Canales helped turn around the careers of Geno Smith and Baker Mayfield in consecutive seasons. Now, the Panthers are hoping he can do it with Bryce Young. I’ve liked what Carolina has done this offseason, specifically trading for wide receiver Diontae Johnson and drafting Xavier Legette. Along with Adam Thielen, that gives Young a nice trio to distribute the ball to and try to salvage the ruins of what was left from his rookie season. The Panthers knew they needed a smart offensive mind, and they got one.
While it was somewhat surprising to see the Seahawks move on from Pete Carroll, replacing him with one of the best defensive minds in the NFL today was a great move. Macdonald made the Ravens a top three defense in football a season ago, and will carry Seattle into this new era.
Oh biscuits and cream, what are the Cowboys doing?
This felt like the perfect time to move on from McCarthy and pursue someone like Mike Vrabel or Bill Belichick. Instead they did nothing at all, both at head coach and with their roster. McCarthy is the definition of a lame duck head coach awaiting a pink slip.
OR the Cowboys could have just kept Dan Quinn in house by moving on from McCarthy and promoting Quinn. Also, “Moving on from McCarthy” sounds like a show on CBS that would get cancelled after two seasons.
I like what the Commanders have done this offseason, even if a lot of it just included taking all of the Cowboys free agents. Frankie Luvu and Bobby Wagner in the middle of the defense will make for a great pairing, they had a killer draft, and we’ll see what happens with Jayden Daniels. Overall, though, I like the hire and I like the moves the franchise has made.
Most fans wouldn’t have been able to name more than four players on the Rams’ defense last season, and Raheem Morris had that unit buzzing and playing better than anyone expected. They finished the year 11th in success rate amongst all defenses and helped the Rams get to the playoffs.
He now takes over a Falcons defense that was fifth in success rate in 2023, and also made a tremendous upgrade at quarterback by signing Kirk Cousins and pairing him with offensive coordinator Zac Robinson. The Falcons should win the NFC South and host a playoff game for the first time in what feels like forever.
We all made jokes about the Gannon hire a year ago. Some of us even said he’d be a one-and-done head coach (whoops). It turns out that Gannon had his team playing as hard as any around the league for 18 weeks. While the record may not have been pretty, this was a team that everyone penciled in to have the No. 1 overall pick in the 2024 NFL Draft. It’s Year 2, and the defense still has a lot of holes to plug and a lot of young guys playing big roles, but Gannon proved himself as a capable head coach.
Oh boy.
It’s crazy how the Eagles went from nearly winning the Super Bowl to “Hey, they might fire Sirriani” in a matter of 11 months. They obviously didn’t fire him, but they made a ton of changes to their staff after that titanic-esc crash in the final month and a half of the 2023 season. It’s no secret that Sirianni is an acquired taste for many, but his style of coaching and attitude isn’t my cup of tea. The Eagles will be a playoff team in 2024, but we’ll see how far they get. If it’s another one-and-done postseason, don’t be shocked if Sirianni is canned.
The 9-8 season in 2022 and the 9-8 season in 2023 carried polar opposite feelings for the Jaguars. In 2022, they were an underdog team that shocked the league. In 2023, they lost five of their last six games after being 8-3 and the No. 1 seed in the AFC. Now, a lot of that had to do with Trevor Lawrence being held together by whatever Tony Khan uses to keep Darby Allin from falling apart (look up Darby Allin wrestling bump videos if you have a minute to see what I’m talking about). While Pederson deserves a lot of credit for helping resurrect Jacksonville, another nine-win season just won’t cut it.
I wish I could just write “Bo Nix” and move on because that’s basically my thoughts on the Broncos. I don’t want to hear about a “Sean Payton bump” either- he had plenty of seven and eight-win seasons with Drew Brees. Denver is going to be bad, and Payton will still be around, but it’s okay to acknowledge that this isn’t 2009 Sean Payton anymore.
I’m just kind of over the whole Mike McDaniel schtick. Like cool, he vapes and wears Yeezys. So does every college sophomore that just slept through their 8:00 AM geology class. The Dolphins were all splash, no swim in 2023. They beat up bad teams and lost to good ones. They lost to the Bills twice, Eagles, Chiefs, and Ravens by a combined score of 177-84. That’s roughly an average score of 35-17. And yeah it’s fun when we look at their roster and say “Wow, look at all the fast guys they have,” but it’s also won them a grand total of zero playoff games.
Harbaugh’s probably a little too low for most people, but he hasn’t coached in the NFL since 2014 and I’m still rolling my eyes at the Greg Roman hire at offensive coordinator. Will the Chargers be a complete disaster like they were with Brandon Staley? I don’t think so, but I don’t expect them to be a powerhouse all of a sudden, either.
The Vikings were taped together like a car out of Mad Max- just sheet metal, hope, and vibes. While I’m not the biggest JJ McCarthy guy in the world, if he’s going to succeed anywhere, it will be Minnesota. An outside zone oriented offense that relies a lot on intermediate throws over the middle of the field will benefit the young quarterback. As will having a great duo of receivers, a great tight end, and a good run game. Being with O’Connell makes life easier, and that’s about as high a compliment as you can give a head coach.
Two teams in particular found out how great a coach Shane Steichen was last season — the Indianapolis Colts and Philadelphia Eagles. The Colts because he got them within a throw of winning the AFC South with Gardner Minshew, and the Eagles because they realized how vital he was to their success in 2022. Now with a (hopefully) healthy Anthony Richardson at quarterback, the Colts are in position to be a team that takes a leap forward in 2024 and gets back to the postseason.
Kevin Stefanski got the Browns to be an 11-win playoff team while having five different quarterbacks take a snap during the season. The only setback I have with the Browns is they got their starting quarterback back from injury and it makes them worse. Stefanski is a terrific coach, but can he overcome a quarterback who hasn’t been good in four years?
McDermott is a tricky case. On one hand, the Bills have been one of the powerhouses of the NFL over the last half-decade and are constantly in the Super Bowl bubble. On the other hand, he called a fake punt to Damar Hamlin with his season on the line rather than just give the ball to Josh Allen, and he can’t overcome the Chiefs in the playoffs.
No one can ever deny that he helped the Bills end their playoff drought and take them from prosperity to prominence, but it’s no longer enough to just be in the playoffs; he needs to win.
Some guys you just know will be great — Ryans is one of those guys. Taking a Texans team that had a dark cloud hanging over from the Deshaun Watson scandal to moping through seasons with David Culley and Lovie Smith at the helm, Ryans and C.J. Stroud made the Texans must-see football and put them in the divisional round in year one of their partnership.
The biggest thing, for me at least, when it comes to Ryans is the lack of ego. Being able to say “Okay Bobby Slowik, you run the offense, that’s why I hired you. I’ll take care of the defense, and we’ll roll”- that’s what a good head coach does. A good head coach combined with a great quarterback equals a bright future in Houston.
Motor City Dan Motor City Dan’d a little too hard in the NFC Championship Game this past season. While I admire the commitment to the bit, he tried to bite one kneecap too many and it cost the Lions a trip to the Super Bowl. However though, we’re talking about the Detroit Lions being a few plays away from playing in the Super Bowl. That alone puts Dan Campbell high on this list. The steady progression from lovable bad team to serious NFC powerhouse in the matter of three seasons just goes to show how well Campbell has done with this team, and they aren’t going away anytime soon.
Most of the admiration in Cincinnati goes to Joe Burrow and Ja’Marr Chase, but you don’t get to consecutive AFC Championship Games and a Super Bowl with mediocre coaching. Zac Taylor doesn’t get nearly enough credit for turning the Bengals into one of the best teams in the NFL, and making the offense one of the most feared in today’s game. Expect a few more wrinkles thrown into the offense as well. We saw Joe Burrow go under center a little bit more last season before getting injured, which can open up the run game and play action pass attack for Cincinnati. With a fully healthy squad, they will continue to be one of the teams in the Super Bowl bubble in the AFC.
John Harbaugh has consistently had the Ravens in or around the playoff picture for the better part of 16 years. But similar to McDermott, he is in that group of guys where getting into the playoffs isn’t enough. The Ravens’ two biggest playoff games in the Lamar Jackson era came against the Chiefs this past season and against the Buffalo Bills in the 2020 divisional round- they scored a combined 13 points in those games. That isn’t going to cut it. He’s a great coach, but if he doesn’t get the Ravens back to the Super Bowl soon, they may find someone who can.
Matt LaFleur started his career with three straight 13-win seasons, and everyone said it was because of Aaron Rodgers. In 2023, Jordan Love had a breakout year while having the second most touchdown passes in the league, the Packers made the playoffs, and embarrassed the Cowboys in Dallas in the wildcard round. Green Bay has made it to the divisional round in four of the last five seasons, and they’ve appeared in two NFC Championship games in that span, as well. LaFleur has solidified himself as one of the elite coaches and play-callers in the NFL today, and it’s about time he got his flowers.
The 49ers are basically a shoe-in to at least make it to the NFC Championship Game at this point. They’ve appeared in four of the last five conference title games, and two of the last five Super Bowls in large part to Shanahan, who looks like a Camel Crush Menthol guy if I had to guess.
The 49ers led the NFL in offensive EPA per play, success rate, EPA per dropback, EPA per rush, dropback success rate, and rushing success rate in 2023- that’s so incredibly difficult to do, but with Shanahan and their cast of stars, they made it look simple. No one will be surprised if they are one of the final four teams come January, nor will anyone be shocked if they are back in the Super Bowl. Let’s see if they can finally win one.
The Steelers have had at least nine wins in each of the last three seasons. Their point differential in those seasons?
2021: -55
2022: -38
2023: -20
Now, while the Steelers have yet to have a losing record in the 17 seasons that Tomlin has been running the show, they also haven’t won a playoff game in seven years. It’s evident that Tomlin and Co. feel that pressure, as they made a lot of “non-Steeler” moves this offseason. They traded away Kenny Pickett and brought in Russell Wilson and Justin Fields. They spent big money in free agency, specifically on linebacker Patrick Queen. Pittsburgh is going to be in the AFC playoff scramble, once again. We’ll see if they can end their playoff drought in the midst of it.
It’s so fun that you could ask Sean McVay what he was doing June 5, 2003 and he’ll be able to give you a detailed description of the omelet he made for breakfast that morning and what cartoon was on TV while he was making it.
McVay took a different approach to his offense last season and turned the Rams into a run-through-your-face power run team with a lot of play action mixed in. Matthew Stafford still has the ability to sling it, and it’ll be fun to see what the offense can do in year two of Puka Nacua and Cooper Kupp as a duo. McVay has already been to two Super Bowls and won one. Can the Rams make another appearance in the biggest game of the year? Who’s to say they can’t?
I feel like Andy Reid has looked the exact same for my entire life- big dude, great humor, looks like he makes 10/10 pancakes and gives the warmest hugs right before he beats the tar out of you in a playoff game.
The Chiefs’ dynasty doesn’t happen without Reid. He’s now appeared in 11 conference championship games in his career and won three Super Bowls. While it’s inarguable that Bill Belichick is the greatest coach of all time, you could make a strong argument that Andy Reid is No. 2, and he’s still not finished.