How does one prepare for a tragic event such as this? One in which you suddenly are faced with a teammate and friend who got behind the wheel of a car drunk and took someone’s life while destroying their own?
Granted what the Raiders players are dealing with is nowhere near the difficulties the family of the victim are going through or the family of Henry Ruggs who are watching the 22-year-old former NFL top pick flush his life down the drain. But the impact of his actions and the life he took are felt by all who care for them.
Dealing with such an event is difficult enough in and of itself. For his former teammates, they must grapple with their emotions while also attempting not to lose focus on football and the task at hand. That being the Giants whom they will face in New York on Sunday.
In order to do this, they need solid leadership and honestly it’s hard to imagine anyone in that position responding better to this tragedy than Derek Carr has.
The 8th year quarterback took to the podium this week, just a day after the terrible incident and subsequent release of Ruggs by the Raiders. His eyes were red from crying and while he did well to hold it together in front of the media, he still spoke from the heart. And in so doing, the father of four struck all the right notes.
“I care deeply about people,” said Carr. “And this one hurts because again it really affects some families and it affected some lives, and that hurts me. It hurts my heart because I know that there is pain, I know there is shame, I know that there is anger probably.”
Carr and his Raiders teammates are in a tough spot. An even tougher spot than they were just a few weeks ago when their head coach Jon Gruden was forced to resign after it the leak of several offensive emails he had sent prior to returning to coaching.
While it may be easy for many to see the situation with Gruden in black and white terms, the players had a lot more feelings to reconcile. They are in a similar situation with Ruggs, only this time it’s worse because Ruggs’s actions cost someone their life. But it doesn’t change the emotions his former teammates are grappling with. Carr put those emotions is the proper perspective.
“I saw Henry’s locker today and for whatever reason that got me,” Carr admitted to breaking down knowing Ruggs will no longer be there. “Not because he’s fast, not because of what he can do for me, but because of the person that he is and because I love him. I mean he literally texted me at midnight of a golf swing, me and Hunter (Renfrow), ‘How’s my swing look? You guys need to help me.’ Just seeing that and then getting the news when we woke up. How am I supposed to handle that? How am I supposed to react?”
Carr added that Ruggs “needs people to love him right now. He’s probably feeling a certain type of way about himself right now and he needs to be loved. If nobody else will do it, I’ll do it.”
That may or may not be a popular sentiment for those who would like Carr to speak only on the woman who perished. And while that might sound like the right thing to say, it would not be real. These players have mixed emotions that include feelings of their former teammate.
Simply saying all the right words doesn’t help anyone. In times like this you don’t hide behind prepared statements or platitudes and cliches, you lead by example and let your teammates know that it’s ok to feel how they feel. You lean into it. You pull your teammates in closer, you hold your family a little tighter.
Too often we make the mistake of thinking these guys can just suppress their emotions to an almost sociopathic degree. But they’re not robots. They can’t just block everything out and focus solely on football.
It isn’t soft to have feelings and to express them. Actually it’s the other way around. It’s much stronger to let your feelings out and not care what people think about it. Because expressing those emotions is healthy. Just ask Darren Waller and Solomon Thomas about this. They’ve long preached transparency and mental and emotional health.
In order for these players to function at a high level, let alone move past it, they must be able to express their emotions. If they hold them in those emotions could creep out at a time they can least afford it. Like during the actual game when they most need to focus.
This Raiders team played their best football in the weeks following Gruden’s resignation. And a good portion of that was the play of Derek Carr and the offense. This shockwave may dwarf the last one, but I’m not sure there’s a QB who is more well equipped to navigate this situation and once again rally this team through such unthinkable adversity.