If you were watching the Dallas Cowboys dismantle the Carolina Panthers on Sunday, it would’ve been impossible to miss Micah Parsons. To be clear, this is usually the case because Parsons dominates off the defensive edge, much like he did with 2.5 sacks, two tackles-for-loss, and three quarterback hits against Carolina.
But on Sunday, around halftime, curious reports floated around about how Parsons was vomiting on the Cowboys’ sideline. It was so notable that the Cowboys themselves had to confirm that their best player was, in fact, actually healthy. OK, but that’s still burying the lede for a person literally throwing up mid-game.
Something had to be off, right?
The Cowboys say Micah Parsons vomited on the sidelines twice but he is not sick
— Clarence Hill Jr (@clarencehilljr) November 19, 2023
As it turns out, Parsons genuinely wasn’t sick. Once Dallas capped its 33-10 win, the star pass-rusher explained that he had drunk some C4 Energy (a pre-workout) before the game. It didn’t sit well with Parsons’ stomach, leading to an adverse reaction he didn’t expect. Note: if Parsons had read For The Win’s Christian D’Andrea’s spiel about how this drink made it uncomfortable for him to just write about football, then a simple cause and effect should have determined the workout ale would’ve made it hard to play football.
Who among us, though?
Micah Parsons was not sick. He took some C4 energy powder before the game. “I got some water to help put it down. By the fifth play it felt like my heart was gonna jump outta my chest. I felt like I was about to explode. I’m never doing that shit again.”
— Jon Machota (@jonmachota) November 19, 2023
This is probably a good lesson for Parsons. Only drink pre-workout when you’re about to crush some weights — not when you’re needed to humble some 300-pound-plus men on the football field.