If you want to be a Cool Team in MLS, you better win a game 6-0.
FC Cincinnati became the latest team to post the league’s most fashionable margin of victory, thrashing the San Jose Earthquakes by that increasingly common scoreline Saturday night. Brenner had a hat trick, while Luciano Acosta continued his MVP candidacy with one goal and two assists.
It’s the fifth time this season MLS has seen a 6-0 final score, with the Philadelphia Union involved three (wins over D.C. United, the Colorado Rapids, and Houston Dynamo). NYCFC also beat Real Salt Lake by that scoreline back in April.
For much of the first half, it didn’t look like Cincinnati was going to get in on the hot new trend. After 44 minutes, San Jose had kept it scoreless at TQL Stadium, and usually if you want to win a soccer game 6-0, you really have to start scoring early, to make your opponent start to take risks and give you openings.
Instead, Cincy only got started just before halftime, with Álvaro Barreal finishing with power after some snappy one-touch passing between Brandon Vázquez and Luciano Acosta.
They were in a hurry to pad that lead, as Vázquez nodded Acosta’s free kick down for Brenner to smash home just 74 seconds into the second half. However, things slowed down again, and Cincy only got their third on an Acosta penalty kick in the 71st minute.
That’s right about where the wheels fell off for the Quakes. San Jose made a triple sub, while the hosts brought in two players of their own. Everyone was more or less agreeing the game was over…except no one told Cincy’s attackers. Four minutes later, Yuya Kubo’s run from deep was rewarded by a well-weighted Brenner through ball that the Japanese midfielder tucked away expertly.
4-0 is a great night at the office, but everyone wins 4-0 once in a while. In MLS in 2022, 6-0 is the requirement to be cool, and Cincinnati clearly wanted to fit in. That was Brenner’s cue, and the Brazilian capitalized on an unfortunate series of events for the Earthquakes. First, U.S. under-20 Niko Tsakiris did enough to prevent Acosta from touching the ball around him, but his attempt to poke the ball away skipped back towards center back Nathan, who effectively just trapped the ball as a favor to Brenner, who ran past him to score.
Nathan wasn’t done helping out his fellow Brazilian, though, committing a stoppage-time foul on Sergio Santos to give Cincy a penalty. Brenner accepted the gift with gratitude, firing home from the spot to give himself a second hat trick of 2022.
Cincinnati didn’t have time to push into the avant garde territory of 7-0, which the Union have also managed to do, but give them a few weeks getting used to being a Cool Team before they start to get into some boundary-pushing territory.
Watch FC Cincinnati clobber San Jose 6-0
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