Former U.S. men’s national team defender Omar Gonzalez has opened up on his mental health battle, admitting that he contemplated suicide at various points during a difficult period.
Gonzalez said he started to struggle in the aftermath of the USMNT’s failure to qualify for the 2018 World Cup. The U.S. was eliminated from contention in a stunning defeat at Trinidad and Tobago, with Gonzalez scoring an own goal in 2-1 loss.
“It started I think, just the World Cup, when we didn’t qualify and the own goal,” Gonzalez said on the Major League Journeymen podcast.
“Everything up until that point was wins, championships, just going straight up and consistent. It was amazing and then comes this point and we didn’t qualify [for the World Cup] and then I lose a Copa MX. And then I go to MLS Cup again in 2019 and we lose to Seattle, and losing Canadian Championships. … I started thinking, ‘Is it me? Am I the reason? It just keeps following me.’
“But I was dealing with that just fine, and then came a couple of head injuries and it just sort of made everything worse. And I started forgetting people’s names and then came this period of time where the stress was too much and the head injuries were just compounding, and the stress of being away from home, baby on the way, contract year — everything that goes into it.
“I just started thinking of every single way to just end it. Every part of my day was just thinking of a way to just end it. [I was] just fighting through that, still trying to play at a high level, and still giving everything to the sport and putting on a different face was draining. No one knew about it.
Gonzalez was then asked to clarify if he was talking about ending his career or his life, to which he replied: “My life.
“It was very scary. And I was just dealing with it and going into training, still being myself.”
The 35-year-old said that after a Toronto FC match against NYCFC — a game that actually ended with a positive result — the dam broke and he reached out to get help.
“We’re having a s–t year. We’re in last place, just awful, awful environment,” he said. “The locker room was absolute dogs–t, like it was bad. And we give this great performance for once. We’re down 2-0 at half and we come back and we tie the game up, and we fight and everything.
“But then after the game, everything just came to a head. I just started bawling. I talked to the doctor. I was like ‘I need help, this can’t go on.’
“Then from that from that moment on, things got a lot better just finding help.”
Gonzalez left Toronto to join the New England Revolution in 2022, before signing with his hometown club FC Dallas ahead of the current season. The veteran defender has been capped 52 times by the USMNT, playing at the 2014 World Cup and winning the Gold Cup in 2013 and 2017.
Watch Gonzalez discuss mental health stuggles
We have a very powerful episode dropping tomorrow with our friend,@Omar4Gonzalez. Omar shares with the Journeymen his own mental health journey along with the stigmas that surround pro athletes. Also, where is FC Dallas headed? This is a must listen! pic.twitter.com/AFqKXihGx5
— Major League Journeymen (@mljthepod) April 14, 2024
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