Tantos puffed pasta chips are much more convenient than eating spaghetti out of a Ziploc bag

Snack pastas aren’t quite a thing, but maybe they should be.

Welcome back to FTW’s Beverage of the Week series. Here, we mostly chronicle and review beers, but happily expand that scope to any beverage that pairs well with sports. Yes, even cookie dough whiskey.

My first introduction to the world of snack noodles came as a broke college student crunching his way through a box of uncooked cavatappi with nacho cheese popcorn seasoning. This was not a good decision.

Many years later, I dropped back in to see there’s a market for actual snack pastas that aren’t merely a product of laziness. S’Noods was my first encounter and it was a positive one. Tantos offers a different, lighter take on noodle crisps, however — one a bit closer to cheese curls than potato chips.

There’s a classic version and three pasta sauce-inspired flavors. Let’s see how that trio tastes.

Marinara: A

First: these do not look like pasta. They look like… puffed, closed calamari rings? Which, close enough. Opening the bag unleashes a wave of nightshade smells. Tomatoes and basil and a liiiiitttle bit of old Tato Skins smell, if you remember that specific discontinued snack.

The puffed pasta has a pork rind-adjacent texture. It melts in your mouth a bit more easily than the pig product. The size makes them slightly uncomfortable to pop in your mouth or snap into pieces, but not in any way that really harms the experience.

The taste is vibrant. You get that spiced tomato sauce right off the bat and it lingers into a pleasant, well-seasoned aftertaste. The pasta itself is minimal; it’s just the vessel to get that flavor onto your tongue. The texture is light and crunchy.

Tantos does a very nice job of keeping the marinara spirit alive in a powdered dusting of dehydrated vegetables and spices. There’s a good garlic tang and tomato sweetness that work as well as they have in pasta sauces for the past 500 years. If you gave this to me as part of a blind taste test I’d recognize it as marinara right away.

Welp, it took almost no time for me to crush this bag. The flavor is strong and delightfully complex when it could have been a throwaway, ketchup chip knockoff. I’d glad this came in a one-ounce bag. I’d be in trouble otherwise.

Pesto: B

Let’s move on to a flavor about which I am less excited. Pesto has never done it for me, but I can abide it in reasonable amounts (and not, say, as the replacement for red sauce in a pizza. This development once nearly led to a college breakup, I have no regrets).

Once again, cracking the bag leaves no doubt what you’re working with. This is pesto all right, and it smells halfway between fresh and juuuuuust slightly stale thanks to the puffed pasta underneath.

My opening bite is well balanced. There’s a certain amount of spice that lingers to make this aftertaste more palatable. You get the garlic, a little cheese, and some basil. If you’re a pesto maniac you’ll probably love this.

I am not, so while it’s well balanced and the light texture remains a plus, this isn’t a favorite.

Cacio E Pepe: C

Cheese and black pepper? Sounds great. There’s a bit of a generic cheese puff smell to it, though it’s washed out by the unmistakable tang of peppercorns.

That’s pretty much how the taste goes too. Some mild snack food cheese powder and too much pepper, the combination of which blots out the positive experience of a light, crunchy snack. It’s a little too basic for a chip that dove into traditional pasta flavors to great effect elsewhere.

As a result, this is the flavor most likely to linger in your office vending machine. I still rolled through my one-ounce bag without incident (but with a decent amount of water).

If I’d started here maybe this grade would be higher. But after knowing how good Tantos can be, this simple and over-seasoned variety is a disappointment.

Would I eat it instead of a Hamm’s?

This is a pass/fail mechanism where I compare whatever I’m drinking (or eating) to my baseline cheap beer. That’s the standby from the land of sky-blue waters, Hamm’s. So the question to answer is: on a typical day, would I eat Tantos puffed pasta chips over drinking a cold can of Hamm’s?

Yeah, even the Cacio e Pepe, which I liked least of all, was a creative and moderately low calorie snack. I’d do it again. And wash it down with a Hamm’s.

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Voodoo Ranger Juice Force IPA is a real problem (in a good way!)

Juice Force clocks in at 9.5 percent ABV but, true to Voodoo Ranger form, doesn’t taste like it.

Welcome back to FTW’s Beverage of the Week series. Here, we mostly chronicle and review beers, but happily expand that scope to any beverage that pairs well with sports. Yes, even cookie dough whiskey.

New Belgium makes America’s top-selling craft beer for a few reasons. The most important one is that the Voodoo Ranger series of pale ales is pretty good. Maybe not better than you’ll find at your local brewery, but consistent “B” material that’s easy to default to.

That would be enough to earn fans, but VR earns a growing chunk of a shrinking beer market for two other key reasons. You can find it anywhere, and with a robust offering of imperial extensions, it provides a big boozy chunk of easy drinking, high-alcohol-by-volume beer at a reasonable price.

Juice Force IPA fits that bill. It’s a hazy pale ale that promises bright fruit flavor and, importantly, 9.5 percent alcohol by volume. On top of that, it’s available in my personal can of choice, the 19.2 ounce stovepipe. This particular can came as part of a summer 2024 promotion; the Bad Date Kit.

That meant I also got socks and a candle (which smells like “hoppy IPA” and is genuinely pretty great) and a box that said “tall boys only” to reassure me, a 5-foot-10 dad, that it’s rough out there. It also meant that, for a time, you could text a special number and get a ready-to-use excuse to leave a date. Seems mean, but sure!

Solid marketing aside, let’s see if Juice Force can live up to Voodoo Ranger’s standard of “pretty good-ness.”

Juice Force IPA: B

It pours a little lighter than expected for a hazy imperial IPA. It also pours with a lot of head; about two full inches on an eight-ounce pour. It slowly dies down to a quarter-inch of lace. It smells fruity with just a hint of astringent owing to the 9.5 percent ABV within.

The first sip is a blast of sweet orange juice. There’s a little bit of IPA bitterness toward the finish, but the citrus is the alpha and omega of each sip. It’s more like a beer-mosa than a pale ale.

There’s value to this. It’s very smooth, almost to the point of dangerousness considering it’s 19 proof. There’s a little thickness that keeps it from being chuggable, but it’s not difficult at all to finish off a 19.2 ounce can in 20 minutes. In that regard, this is playing to New Belgium’s biggest strength; high ABV, delivered uniquely in a beer that doesn’t taste like it.

It’s much sweeter than your typical hazy, however — even your fruitiest coastal arrivals. I’d like a little more bitterness to snap off each sip, even if that dents the drinkability slightly. Still, it’s tough to complain about a big, boozy brew that tastes like a beer cocktail and comes in a 19 ounce can.

Would I drink it instead of a Hamm’s?

This is a pass/fail mechanism where I compare whatever I’m drinking to my baseline cheap beer. That’s the standby from the land of sky-blue waters, Hamm’s. So the question to answer is: on a typical day, would I drink Voodoo Ranger Juice Force IPA over a cold can of Hamm’s?

It depends on the situation. If I needed an extra boozy kick without tasting like one, I’d bite. A morning tailgate? That sounds perfect, actually. But in a typical day or night, Hamm’s is still my huckleberry.

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This Chinese tree frog is one of the greatest athletes you’ll ever lay eyes on

This frog is the best athlete I’ve ever seen

Science taught me something today. Tree frogs might be the best athletes on the planet, pound for pound.

Look. I know that sounds stupid. They can’t windmill a basketball at 40 years old like LeBron James can. They’re not as fast as Sha’Carri Richardson or whatever. They can’t do any of the sorcery Simone Biles pulls off at the drop of a hat.

But I guarantee you none of them can make something as mundane as hopping onto a pole seem like taking a morning stroll around the neighborhood.

I mean, just watch this, you guys.

Slow-motion videos reveal tree frogs making some of the most dramatic landings in nature.

Learn more: scim.ag/4gTAurn

[image or embed]

— Science Magazine (@science.org) January 15, 2025 at 2:49 PM

What you’re watching here is a Chinese flying tree frog vaulting onto a pole simulating a tree branch.

Researchers filmed five tree frogs making hundreds of jumps onto poles of various sizes, according to science.org. The “branches” ranged in size anywhere from the size of a dime to the size of a toilet paper roll.

As you can see, frogs are so flexible that they can adjust their bodies in milliseconds to grab onto the surface with their feet, hands and even their bellies to ensure a safe landing.

What happens if they miss, you ask?

Have you ever played Frogger? What happens when you jump onto the wrong spot while crossing the street? That’s the answer. It’s life or death for these precious froggies. Not only are they incredible athletes, but they do their thing under enormous pressure every single day.

I will admit that watching this in slow motion probably hypes it up a bit. But that’s the thing! When this is at full speed, you can barely see it. You can’t properly appreciate it.When it’s in slo-mo? You guys. This is prime Wilt Chamberlain.

Get this froggy in the Frog Olympics. If the Frog Olympics don’t exist, then create them. We need this.

Red Bull’s new winter flavors including Red Bull Zero are here. Are they any good?

Zero uses monk fruit to make the classic a bit healthier. Iced Vanilla Berry heads in a different direction.

Welcome back to FTW’s Beverage of the Week series. Here, we mostly chronicle and review beers, but happily expand that scope to any beverage that pairs well with sports. Yes, even cookie dough whiskey.

Red Bull set the pace for energy drinks in the United States nearly three decades ago. But as competitors emerged, so did the pressure to branch out.

The Austrian caffeine merchant has stepped up to fend off the Monsters and C4s of the world. After years of a single flavor that effectively defined what energy drinks tasted like, it’s since expanded its portfolio to a spectrum of flavors. Last summer’s watermelon and strawberry apricot were hits. Now, in the winter of 2025, comes Red Bull Zero — a five calorie sugar-free version sweetened with monk fruit — and Iced Vanilla Berry.

Let’s see if they can live up to the Red Bull standard (of tasting pretty good but also undeniably like Red Bull).

Zero: A-

It pours with the familiar, crushed up Smarties smell vital to the Red Bull experience. It fizzes quickly before settling to a small, steady current of tiny bubbles moving skyward navigating a maze of ice. So far, there’s nothing to suggest this is any different than your typical can.

The first taste is typical Red Bull flavor. Sweet, slightly tart and with an acidic finish that makes it easy to keep coming back to. There’s a bit of sugar-substitute stickiness that clocks in toward the end. I don’t know if I’d notice it if I didn’t know this was a five calorie energy drink, but it does make a minor difference. The monk fruit clocks in just enough to bend things toward a softer, less crisp finish.

It’s a little stronger out of the can, which makes the swap to sugar-ish ingredients less obvious — and is probably how the majority of folks are going to drink it anyway. It’s not quite as good as the real thing, but the trade off is minimal. You’re getting significantly fewer calories and may not be able to tell the difference if it weren’t printed on the aluminum in front of you.

The end result is a pure expression of the energy drink flavor that started it all. With that taken care of, let’s see how this winter’s newest zero calorie flavor tastes.

Iced Vanilla Berry: B

This pours a lovely shade of light Windex blue. I understand that sounds like criticism, but I assure you it’s not. I want my blue drinks to look like a raspberry Jolly Rancher at all times. This pleases me.

It smells tart and sweet and a lot like the aforementioned blue razz that dominated my childhood. Putting it to my lips unlocks… a lot. There’s a bunch of flavor to wade through here, from the acidic Red Bull foundation to that hard candy raspberry to a sweet, sometimes combative vanilla. There’s something incredibly familiar with it (beyond the typical Red Bull sting) that I can’t quite figure out.

It’s dry and a little sour and undoubtedly an energy drink. I’m not sure I like it but I keep coming back to it. It’s like a blue raspberry Warhead that’s spent some time on the shelf. It’s not quite pucker-face sour, but you have to get through a little bit of acid to get to a sweet finish that’s ultimately nice enough.

Would I drink it instead of a Hamm’s?

This is a pass/fail mechanism where I compare whatever I’m drinking to my baseline cheap beer. That’s the standby from the land of sky-blue waters, Hamm’s. So the question to answer is: on a typical day, would I drink Red Bull Zero or Iced Vanilla Berry over a cold can of Hamm’s?

I’m beginning to think this metric isn’t perfect for non-alcoholic drinks. But yes, I’d say Red Bull holds up well on the scale from zero to Hamm’s.

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Countdown’s THC energy drinks taste fine, but don’t make much sense

The flavors aren’t great. The caffeine isn’t enough to keep me awake. But the THC is nice!

Welcome back to FTW’s Beverage of the Week series. Here, we mostly chronicle and review beers, but happily expand that scope to any beverage that pairs well with sports. Yes, even cookie dough whiskey.

You wouldn’t think THC and caffeine go together. And you’d be right.

At least that’s how it works for me. The 2018 advent of federally legal cannabis products derived from hemp means there’s been a sweeping wave of new products that deliver weed-like effects. For me, that’s been a series of pleasant buzzes that usher me off to sleep, quieting my nighttime anxiety and blurring the lines between actual thoughts and impending REM cycles.

Adding caffeine to the mix is an interesting concept. In theory, it should replicate that gentle brain disassociation without hitting you like a melatonin. If cannabis is really gunning to replace beer — and as a lighter option with fewer confirmed health risks, that’s not a bad idea — it needs to have a little replay value. It needs to be something you can sip over three hours of a football or hockey game.

That’s Countdown’s aim. The company isn’t the only one to mix up a weed-adjacent energy drink, but it was one of the first to slide into a burgeoning marketplace. So can it create a balanced buzz that keeps you alert and ready to face the day? And, just as importantly, does it taste any good?

Orange Blast: C-

This pours with a ton of quick-moving carbonation and the distinct smell you’re not dealing with a regular energy drink. There’s some citrus in there — the first impression is orange juice — before you get that minor earthy, weed-y note that reminds you there’s 10 milligrams of THC inside.

That holds true in the first sip. There’s a definite THC influence that isn’t covered up by the seltzer inside the way brands like Cann or Nowadays have done. It’s not terrible or distracting, but it is noticeable, particularly against a light current of orange flavor.

Countdown definitely leans toward “caffeinated sparkling water” than “energy drink” when it comes to taste. It’s dry and not especially sweet even though “invert sugar” is the second ingredient on the can. There’s very little that stands out here; without the bubbles you’d think maybe it was the watered-down remains of a screwdriver or another orange juice-related cocktail.

On the other hand, you’re not drinking this for taste, you’re drinking it to see if you can get woken up and a little buzzed at the same time. After 30 minutes I don’t feel especially energized but I do feel like my edges are getting a little fuzzier. I’m more prone to spacing out, then snapping back and asking myself “now what the hell was I trying to do?” And I’m probably more likely to take a nap than attack the day.

It’s also left me with a dry mouth, even while drinking it, which is at least a little weird. The THC is working, but not much else.

Berry Force: C

I’m drinking this one at 9 p.m. to see which wins out; THC’s ability to make me sleepy or caffeine’s ability to wake me up. This pours with plenty of bubbles and a scent that’s halfway between weed and blue raspberry Jolly Ranchers. Like the work desk of a 28-year-old high school English teacher.

That sweetness distinguishes this from the Orange Blast. It doesn’t quite cover up the THC taste, but it does create a softer aftertaste that’s less bitter than the last can. That fake-sugar feeling takes the edge off the bubbles to leave you with a sloppier sip. It also lingers a little bit too long for my liking.

The berry flavor is familiar but largely underwhelming. It’s got a Fruit Stripe gum quality that brings it on strong before quickly fading to nothing but fizzling sugar. Again, I feel a little more tired than energized. We’ll see if this keeps me awake.

Update: It did not. But I did wake up around 3 am without being able to fall back asleep. Admittedly, that’s not entirely uncommon.

Cosmic Lemonade: B

This smells like bottled lemonade; tart and potent but not especially fresh. There’s a slight earthiness to it, but nothing that gives away the THC underneath.

It’s also the best tasting of the three Countdown options. It’s sparkling lemonade, which is always a little bit weird, but there’s a pleasant sweet/sour balance that makes it easy to drink. There’s also something a little more than lemon in here. I can’t quite place it, and maybe it’s just the sugar, but there’s some depth to this citrus — maybe a little light orange flavor? — that makes it stand out.

The carbonation works well here, teaming with that tart citrus to leave a dry, slightly bitter aftertaste to chase away the initial sweetness. This is easy to drink where other Countdowns felt like a chore. There’s flavor and a little complexity here, creating a balance I kinda wish the other cans had.

Like the other Countdown cans, this one has made me more sleepy than energetic.

Would I drink it instead of a Hamm’s?

This a pass/fail mechanism where I compare whatever I’m drinking to my baseline cheap beer. That’s the standby from the land of sky-blue waters, Hamm’s. So the question to answer is: on a typical day, would I drink Countdown over a cold can of Hamm’s?

I might drink it at night to help me sleep, but the energy side does nothing for me. The flavors are underwhelming. In the budding marketplace of THC drinks, Countdown fails to stand out.

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Silent Pool gin is pretty and a little basic (but it works)

A big, pretty bottle and a slightly-too-sweet gin.

Welcome back to FTW’s Beverage of the Week series. Here, we mostly chronicle and review beers, but happily expand that scope to any beverage that pairs well with sports. Yes, even cookie dough whiskey.

Is gin an underrated spirit? It doesn’t have the accolades or acolytes of whiskey or tequila. It lacks the versatility of mix-in-anything vodka.

It’s distinct and rich and feels innately British, owing back to its ubiquitous presence in England three centuries ago. But in terms of alcohol, it’s the NHL to the other big four American men’s sports leagues — rewarding, but not as popular as the rest.

I’m guilty of overlooking it, in part because the first bottle I ever bought was Seagram’s gin and my dumb college student brain had nothing to mix or chase it with but milk (it was an… unpleasant evening). But the fact remains gin is a refreshing spirit, if a bit of an acquired taste, with an impressive depth of botanical flavors and cocktail flexibility.

MORE BEVERAGE OF THE WEEK: A review of Snoop Dogg’s Gin & Juice canned cocktails

With Silent Pool, I ignored that last piece and drank it the way I drink 95 percent of my gin. I mixed it with tonic and a little citrus in what’s a perfect, simple mixed drink. Let’s see if this relatively new entry to an old spirit’s portfolio is any good.

With Badger tonic and a lime: B

Let’s start with the obvious. This glass is [expletive] ridiculous. Silent Pool sent it with the sample bottle and I’d never used it before tonight. I want to say you could fit a proper 24 ounces in there, which is generally not how I process gin but, hell, I live in Wisconsin. I accept your challenge, fancy liquor.

I’m rolling with Badger mixers, an upscale paved road to deliver your booze in smooth cocktails. My review didn’t cover the tonic, but I have high hopes. Well, as high as you can get for a basic mixer like tonic.

It smells and looks like every other gin and tonic I’ve ever had; effervescent, light and citrusy. Fortunately, I poured this heavy so I get a proper Silent Pool experience. It’s potent, but sweet. There’s a strong floral component, but nothing that makes you feel like you’re blending your way through a shrub. That sugary finish keeps it from having the kind of dry experience you’d get from your established old school gins (Bombay, Beefeater, etc).

It makes a solid complement to a sour cocktail. I wouldn’t mind if it were a bit drier — it’s not quite as refreshing as I’d like, but that sweetness makes it very easy to drink, especially on a hot day. I imagine. I’m drinking this in December.

Would I drink it instead of a Hamm’s?

This a pass/fail mechanism where I compare whatever I’m drinking to my baseline cheap beer. That’s the standby from the land of sky-blue waters, Hamm’s. So the question to answer is: on a typical day, would I drink Silent Pool Gin over a cold can of Hamm’s?

In the summer, on a warm day I’ll detour to a fresh gin and tonic. Silent Pool is a bit sweeter than I’d prefer, but it’s a flavorful gin that makes a solid cocktail.

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What’s open on Christmas 2024? A guide to restaurants (McDonald’s), grocery stores and more

A look at some of the stores and restaurants that might be open on Christmas.

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you all!

We hope you’re enjoy the day, but if you’re here, you’re probably looking for a guide to what’s open on Christmas Day, which is usually when a lot of businesses are closed.

BEST CHRISTMAS SONGS: The 10 best of all time

But there are some that stay open on December 25, and this is where we caution you: Please check with your local restaurants, grocery stores and pharmaciesSome of these locations might have limited hours.

Got it? Good. Here’s a list of some of the notable places that are reportedly open on Christmas in 2024, grouped by categories:

What restaurants and fast food places are open on Christmas Day 2024?

Again, check for their hours by location!

  • McDonald’s
  • IHOP
  • Applebee’s
  • Red Lobster
  • Fogo de Chao
  • Burger King
  • Denny’s
  • Waffle House
  • Wendy’s

Will Starbucks and Dunkin’ be open on Christmas?

Some Dunkin’ and Starbucks are open, but may have limited hours and some locations may be closed. Check before you head out.

Which pharmacies are open on Christmas 2024?

  • CVS will be open but may have reduced hours (check your local store)
  • Most Walgreens pharmacies will be closed, but 24-hour locations and others may be open
  • Rite Aid will be closed

Which grocery stores will be open on Christmas 2024?

As we keep saying, check your local store!

  • Acme
  • Albertsons
  • Vons
  • Safeway

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Here’s why 3.5 million people in Japan buy KFC for dinner on Christmas day

I know it sounds weird but there’s a good reason for this!

When you think about a good Christmas dinner, what do you think of?

For most people, it’s probably a nice ham and some dressing to go along with it. For others? It’s probably a nice turkey. Thanksgiving part 2, right?

For millions of people in Japan, the perfect Christmas dinner is a good meal from KFC.

Yup. You’re reading that correctly.

Business booms every year for KFC on Christmas Day. Instead of going the turkey route, folks are opting for Kentucky Fried Chicken, according to BBC.

There’s a good reason for this — besides KFC’s pretty great chicken sandwich (IMO, better than Popeye’s joint, but that’s another conversation for another day).

Christmas isn’t a traditional holiday in Japan, according to BBC. Only 1 percent of the population is reportedly Christian and celebrates the holiday. But expatriates who live in the country opt for KFC as the closest

Here’s more from the BBC.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DD9ulzdhH7c/?igsh=dHJqcTd4a3diNjQ1

So there you have it. Sounds like a pretty good dinner to me.

Where is Santa? How to use the NORAD Santa Tracker on Christmas Eve 2024

Here’s how to find the Santa Tracker from NORAD.

It’s Christmas Eve 2024, and so if you’re trying to find out where Santa Claus is in the world, NORAD — that’s the North American Aerospace Defense Command — is here as usual to help you out.

NORAD has a specific website with its annual Santa Tracker: it’s at NoradSanta.org, and it comes with a phone number too (877 HI-NORAD). And here’s the handy link to their live camera that shows where he and his reindeer are in the world, along with the growing number of gifts he delivers.

There you go! Happy holidays and enjoy. And if you need some history of why NORAD does this, here’s a video with that answer:

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Suerte’s canned tequila cocktails are basic in a good way

Except for the ranch water, which is 33 percent too simple.

Welcome back to FTW’s Beverage of the Week series. Here, we mostly chronicle and review beers, but happily expand that scope to any beverage that pairs well with sports. Yes, even cookie dough whiskey.

In the land of canned cocktails, tequila is crown regent.

There’s something about the agave-based spirit that seems to adjust to aluminum preservation better than whiskey, vodka or gin. Maybe it’s the brighter mixers that tend to accompany these cocktails. Zesty citrus travels well, and in a simple drink like a margarita or paloma it’s allowed to shine a little more brightly than in a more complex beverage.

Either way, tequila makes for an easy to-go drink. Suerte saw this as an opportunity — a way to bring its tequila to new audiences while highlighting how it mixes. Each of the company’s three canned cocktails features its tequila blanco, clocking in at a line-straddling balance between hard seltzer and high gravity at seven percent alcohol by volume (ABV).

I’m not super familiar with Suerte, but I’m happy to give it a try. Let’s see how it turns out.

Margarita: A-

It pours with a little more effervescence than you’d expect from a margarita, but that’s a feature, not a bug in the world of canned cocktails. It smells strong. The first whiff off the top is buttery tequila blanco. Even though it’s only seven percent ABV, it feels heavier.

Fortunately, the first sip leans in a different direction. The tequila is prevalent, but not overwhelming. Instead, the headliner is crisp, tart lime. This isn’t citric acid, which leaves a bready aftertaste behind. This is the real thing, which gives the impression of a fresh made cocktail. That tartness fights with the agave nectar a bit, releasing a sweet-and-sour braid that serves as the barge that floats the Suerte tequila along.

That tequila is clean and tasty, a light rush of baked agave and minor hints of spice. By those powers combined, you get a refreshing, easy to sip canned cocktail that offers something poundable for someone looking for a quick pre-game drink and a little complexity for someone looking for something to drink over the course of a half hour.

It loses a bit of its charm out of the can — pouring it over ice allows the lime and tequila to shine a bit brighter. Sipping from that aluminum is more of a “B” experience. But with a little preparation this is an A- cocktail — not quite elite, but pretty dang good.

Paloma: B

It pours a faint pink and smells both boozy and juicy. At 160 calories you’re getting a little more natural juice than your typical slim can cocktail and a noticeable uptick in booze at seven percent compared to the usual five. There’s a certain amount of… I guess for me it’s chewable vitamin vibes that come with the smell of canned grapefruit. It’s not my favorite, but it’s not a bad thing.

The first sip starts strong and finishes sweet. The grapefruit is pleasantly balanced between sweet and sour like the lime in the margarita before it. The tequila is notable but not harsh, imbuing the cocktail with a healthy amount of agave, though it could be a little more flavorful. There’s even a dry finish; nothing compared to a salted rim, but enough to snap off each sip after it leaves your tongue.

There’s nothing about it that really stands out. It’s just a solid, simple cocktail — bubble water, grapefruit, tequila. It’s dry but crushable. Strong but not overpowering. Clean and crisp. A perfectly cromulent drink.

Ranch Water: C+

There are only two ingredients here, carbonated water and tequila blanco. Not even a squeeze of lime! Well, it smells as boozy as you’d expect. It’s bubbly, light tequila after all.

And, yep, that’s all it is. The tequila is solid enough. It’s tangy and a little sweet. It doesn’t burn despite the ramp up to seven percent ABV. It’s simple and moderately low calorie (120) and totally fine. It’s not my cup of tea, but it’s not a problem either.

I kinda wish I had a lime. But no, no, this is fine. It’s fine.

Would I drink it instead of a Hamm’s?

This a pass/fail mechanism where I compare whatever I’m drinking to my baseline cheap beer. That’s the standby from the land of sky-blue waters, Hamm’s. So the question to answer is: on a typical day, would I drink Suerte’s canned cocktails over a cold can of Hamm’s?

The margarita for sure. The paloma isn’t too bad either, though it wouldn’t be the first thing I reach for in the fridge. The ranch water wasn’t my style, but it was well made even if I was looking for a bit more flavor.