The physical pain was only part of the hurt.
In August, while prepping for his final season at Clemson, Xavier Thomas felt a pop in his foot during the Tigers’ final preseason scrimmage. To hear the veteran edge defender tell it, he wasn’t do anything different. No spin move or any other sudden movement to try to get to the quarterback. Just bending the edge like he’s done countless other times in his football career.
But before he got to D.J. Uiagalelei, Thomas’ foot gave. He was carted off the field inside Memorial Stadium and taken for X-rays, which revealed a Jones fracture of the fifth metatarsal. Thomas’ fear of the worst was too much to handle.
“I’d never broken a bone in my body before, so I’m thinking I’m out for the season. Year’s ruined,” Thomas said. “So I broke down and started crying.”
Thomas received good news, though, when he was told it wasn’t of the season-ending variety. He was initially told he would miss four to weeks. That timetable ended up being extended a bit, but Thomas finally returned to action last week against Boston College.
Even with a surgically repaired foot that he said still has some soreness in it, Thomas reminded everyone what he’s capable of as a pass rusher. The 6-foot-2, 245-pounder recorded two sacks and forced a fumble on just six snaps. But for Thomas, simplifying overcoming another proverbial road block to return to the field was easily the highlight of his night.
“It really was just pure joy,” he said.
To fully understand the scope of that statement, one has to go back even further in Thomas’ journey at Clemson. Because not many people, including Thomas, still expected him to be here.
Yet Thomas returned for a fifth season to try to fulfill some untapped potential. A consensus top-5 prospect coming out of Florida’s IMG Academy during the 2018 recruiting cycle, Thomas was a coup for Clemson coach Dabo Swinney and his staff who had the same aspirations as many blue-chip prospects: spend three years in college before heading to the NFL.
But that plan was derailed in 2020 when Thomas contracted COVID-19, and a concussion later in the season only complicated matters. He was a shell of the player he’d once been, finishing that season with just 11 tackles in seven games.
He struggled to get out of his own head. Thomas battled depression, ballooned to nearly 300 pounds and nearly walked away from football all together before ultimately sticking with it. His injury this preseason was another mental hurdle for Thomas, but he said he’s better equipped to handle those struggles given the totality of his experiences at Clemson.
“Just going through all those dark times,” Thomas said. “Got through depression and got overweight, and just coming back from all that stuff, I know I can get through anything. It’s not really much that can really bring me down at this point.”
Swinney said Thomas is just one of many examples of the mental-wellness journeys of players that he’s had during his 14-year tenure as Clemson’s coach, some of which have been made public and plenty that haven’t. While physical ailments are commonplace in football, the mental weight of dealing with on-field expectations and performance in addition to the responsibilities off of it can be overwhelming at times.
Swinney said he also thinks about Jay Guillermo, one of his former offensive linemen who dealt with injuries and depression during his time at Clemson. Guillermo left the team at one point before returning to finish his college career in 2016.
“I didn’t think I’d ever see Jay Guillermo again, and not only did I see him but he came back and became a captain,” Swinney said. “Anybody can get into that state. Depression is a very real thing, so the way we’re equipped here, we have layers of communication to where hopefully we’re proactive and can recognize some of the warning signs.”
It’s easy for the subject of mental health to be treated as taboo, particularly in a sport defined by strength and toughness. But one of those layers Swinney has added to his program to encourage players to seek help if they like they need it is the hiring of a sports psychologist, Milt Lowder, who’s been with Swinney throughout his tenure at Clemson.
“When I got the job in ‘09, one of the first things I did was go see (former athletic director) Terry Don Phillips and talked him into allowing me to hire Milt Lowder,” Swinney said. “And I remember when I told him that, he was like, ‘Why are we hiring Milt Lowder?’ And I was like, ‘Because we need somebody.’ The mental part of this game and the mental part of life is a huge part of anything, so we should really invest in that and work on that.
“It’s been a big part of what we do and it has been for a long time.”
As someone who knows what it’s like to go to mental war with himself, Thomas said he’s also willing to be a refuge for his teammates.
“When you’re going through stuff like that, you don’t want to tell anybody that stuff,” Thomas said. “We’re all men, so we want to be these strong men that don’t have any weaknesses. But I always tell guys they can always come to me and talk to me anytime they want because I know that’s not stuff that’s easy to talk about.”
Swinney said he doesn’t feel like the sport is “fully there yet” when it comes to openly addressing mental-health issues, but he’s glad the conversation isn’t as quiet as it used to be.
“I’m very thankful it’s something people are more willing to talk about,” Swinney said. “Ten years ago, it was something people just didn’t talk about, especially in our game. Everybody is tough guys and you push through things, but mental health is a huge thing in society, and football teams are a reflection of society. … It’s a huge thing.”
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