It’s official: You are old

Ethan Nwaneri was born in 2007 and is now a Premier League player. You are over the hill

They say that time is undefeated, and on that note we present to you 15-year-old Arsenal debutant Ethan Nwaneri.

Nwaneri came on against Brentford in Sunday’s 3-0 win for the Gunners, becoming the youngest player in Premier League history at the age of 15 years, 181 days.

The attacking midfielder broke the previous record of 16 years and 30 days, which was set by Liverpool winger Harvey Elliott in 2019 when he was at Fulham.

“He has trained a couple of times with us and I had a feeling yesterday that if the opportunity came I would do it,” Arsenal head coach Mikel Arteta said of Nwaneri after the game.

“I think it sends a strong message about who we are as a club. I told him yesterday he would be with us and he had to be ready. He is ready. When he went on I said: ‘Congratulations and enjoy it.’”

Nwaneri’s debut also sends a strong message that you are old.

Nwaneri doesn’t remember the seminal events that happened during your lifetime. He was a baby, or probably not even born. Do you remember when the first iPhone was released? Probably. But Nwaneri doesn’t, because he was two months old.

And now he’s a Premier League player. He was born in 2007. Congratulations, you are officially over the hill.

It is conceivable that Nwaneri could be playing at the 2046 World Cup, which may have to take place on Mars or the Moon because the Earth would have at that point become uninhabitable.

But look, it’s all relative: Nwaneri might look at another debutant in the UK last week and conclude that he is, in fact, old too.

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