Do we have to talk about this? Really, do we have to?
FINE.
Christian Pulisic is being linked with a move to…
*takes a drag off cigarette, lets out long, deep, forlorn sigh*
Manchester United.
The Athletic, ESPN, and Sky Sports are all reporting it so it must have a small sliver of truth, although Manchester United has been linked with every functioning player with two legs and a pulse these days. So yeah, grain of salt.
But why, Christian? Why would you ever want this? Why would you even, as The Athletic says, prefer a move to Manchester United?
In a way, it makes sense. Pulisic hasn’t been an every-game starter at Chelsea for a while now. The World Cup is just three months away, and he wants to be in absolute tip-top form heading to Qatar.
But not Manchester United. No no no no.
United is a complete laughingstock, as you may have heard. The club’s current transfer strategy can best be described as “five-year-old unleashed in a candy store.”
Players linked to Man United in the last three days:
Pulisic
Casemiro
Joao Felix
Cunha
Meunier
Vardy
Rabiot
Aubameyang
Morata
Sommer
Dest
Caicedo pic.twitter.com/ILu6c5tmgt— ESPN FC (@ESPNFC) August 17, 2022
Is there a plan at Old Trafford? No there is not.
There is no way to know if Pulisic would be in United’s long-term plans, because United does not have any long-term plans.
United’s transfers are currently being overseen by a man who has flown to Barcelona and Turin this summer to wrap up deals for two players, and has wrapped up zero deals.
Ralf Rangnick was brought on to temporarily coach the team last season before becoming a consultant for two years. After saying the club needed “open-heart surgery,” he decided after a few months that procedure was best left to someone else.
Would Pulisic play at Manchester United? Perhaps. He may be a fit for Erik ten Hag’s system but like at Chelsea, there are plenty of other options at winger.
But let’s say Pulisic earns Ten Hag’s trust. How long will Ten Hag last anyway? Two games into his tenure, there is already behind-the-scenes sniping.
Some #mufc players feel Ten Hag's approach does not suit their skill set and they would favour a more pragmatic approach against Liverpool [@samuelluckhurst]
— United Zone (@ManUnitedZone_) August 17, 2022
Oh yeah, the locker room is absolute poison.
So let’s see: Pulisic could stay at a club where he’s still a valuable player, move somewhere stable, or join the club equivalent of the Fyre Festival.
Please, Christian. Just do what Elon Musk did and tell us this whole Man Utd link was really just a joke.
If you need any more advice, we’d recommend you simply call Jadon Sancho at your earliest convenience.
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