John Oliver shares hilarious scouting report on Air Bud and it’s the best way to start your week

Buddy never had the makings of a varsity athlete.

Air Bud (1997) has one of my favorite concepts for a movie ever made, and its protagonist is one of the more unique athletes to ever play the game.

The prideful look that Buddy the dog flashes after his first score on a basketball court is heartwarming, especially if you’ve ever fantasized about playing sports with your pet. The movie’s plot includes said dog joining a youth basketball team, and they eventually win a state championship.

I’ve long felt that, as a society, we ought to talk about Air Bud more often. Fortunately, that conversation was started on a web-exclusive edition of Last Week Tonight With John Oliver.

You can watch the full segment below, but I’ll warn you, it may ruin the film:

The comedian discussed Air Bud’s skill set on a basketball court. While the dog is very talented, Oliver noted that there are still some obvious holes in his game.

He can’t dribble, shoot, box out, he’s not much of a playmaker, and his game is one-dimensional, focused entirely on his shooting ability. But there ain’t no rule that says a dog can’t play basketball, famously, so that’s what happened in the film.

Oliver was kind enough to reveal his scouting report, and it’s fascinating. He discovers that the dog records a total of 2 steals, 5 assists, 4 free throws, and 5 field goals made.

Here is the most compelling argument from Oliver’s scouting report:

“Is that dog an asset? … It’s honestly shocking that a coach so focused on teamwork, cooperation, and ball movement would allow such a distraction to dominate the team’s narrative … If he’s putting up 30 to 40 points a night, we are having a very different conversation right now. But he’s not, is he?”

During the rest of the15-minute segment, Oliver also riffs about the dog’s rightful owner while pointing out some intrinsic issues with the film.

Many viewers expected his Air Bud takedown to turn into a metaphor about something deeper than the movie itself.

But that didn’t happen. No, this was just Oliver’s opportunity to point out some thoughts that he was having about the movie — and specifically, Air Bud’s on-court abilities as a basketball player.

Maybe there were more impressive moments in the game than what we saw from Buddy on-screen, but if we saw his full highlight reel, Oliver is correct in asserting that his box score leaves a lot to be desired.

The dog was good, sure. But (in my best Corrado “Junior” Soprano voice), Buddy never had the makings of a varsity athlete, and he never could have played college ball.

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