You spend two weeks preparing like mad for the Super Bowl … and then in what seems like seconds, it all falls apart.
Remember last year, when the Los Angeles Rams and their supposedly vaunted offense got completely stuck in the mud against the New England Patriots? That wasn’t exactly how we predicted it would go down in last year’s edition of this post, where we imagine the worst-case scenarios for each Super Bowl team. But it was pretty nightmarish anyway.
So here’s another fictional ride into the maelstrom, enough to make each fan base freak out at whether this can come true or not.
Chiefs
“TAILS!”
Patrick Mahomes’ amphibian-with-an-edge voice resonates throughout Hard Rock Stadium, and the quarterback nails the coin toss. He flashes his “I’ve got this” smile to his teammates before strapping on his helmet … and he proceeds to go three-and-out, the last play a perfect laser to Tyreek Hill broken up by Richard Sherman, who gets right in Hill’s facemask and says some unprintable stuff.
It’s fine, right? Just one stalled-out drive, nothing to worry about.
But out comes Jimmy G, his glowing smile radiating from under his helmet. Raheem Mostert proceeds to take the offense down the field with seven incredible runs. Garoppolo throws exactly once, a little five-yard dink to George Kittle that the tight end turns into 12 by dragging five defenders on his broad shoulders.
Thirty minutes later, midway through the second, the Chiefs are down 17-0. Mahomes has side-armed, under-armed, thrown through his legs and run a failed option play, all for short or no yardage. Travis Kelce is clearly freaking out, with FOX running footage of him smashing his helmet on the bench after he’s gotten just one target.
“WE WERE HERE TWICE,” Mahomes screams during a timeout, the second one Andy Reid has burned before the two-minute warning. “REMEMBER 24-0? HOW DID WE FEEL? HOW BOUT 17-7? DID WE PANIC?”
Mahomes engineers a picture-perfect two-minute drill and heads to the locker room down just 10.
A field goal out of a long beginning-of-the-second-half drive gets the Niners to a 13-point lead, and that’s when Mahomes finally kicks into gear. He and Kelce finally connect, a beautifully-designed reverse to Hill goes for 37 yards, and Damien Williams catches three passes, including a touchdown. Suddenly, it’s a 20-14 game heading into the fourth quarter.
“Troy, it feels like this Chiefs team would rather give itself a hole to dig out of than to lead in these playoffs,” Joe Buck tells his longtime partner Troy Aikman in the booth.
The Chiefs defense wakes up and keeps Mostert and Tevin Coleman from going off. Frank Clark gets two huge third-down sacks. But Mahomes and the offense can’t seem to get a break. A pass goes off the normally-reliable hands of Kelce, and Mecole Hardman gets the rookie jitters and stops running on a deep route that he might have had a shot at.
But they’re still in it. With under three minutes to go, Mahomes has the ball at the Chiefs’ 9-yard line. The FOX cameras look over at Reid … and his mustache is starting to twitch. His pupils are dilating. Only Eagles and Chiefs fans know what’s about to happen.
Andy Reid’s face like “Oh no, not again”… pic.twitter.com/dhY2k5mUNt
— fer flores grajales (@ferflogra) January 12, 2020
Damien Williams runs for a few yards, the clock ticks. He catches a pass for a first down and there’s 2:07 on the clock, when the whistles blow.
“Time out, Kansas City. That’s their first,” referee Bill Vinovich announces.
“What?” Aikman exclaims. “They have the two-minute warning coming up!”
The camera cuts to Reid. Smoke is starting to come out of his ears.
A minute later, Mahomes throws to a wide-open Sammy Watkins, his first catch of the game, and the Chiefs are down to the 49ers’ 19-yard line. The offense takes some time to walk to the ball and Mahomes calls for a quick huddle. But then the whistles blow. Time out, Chiefs. The glare Mahomes sends toward the sideline is exactly the same one people direct toward him when they hear he puts ketchup on steak. It becomes a meme.
There’s 1:03 left. All the time in the world. But Reid calls for a throw to the end zone … and Mahomes is picked off by Sherman. Reid goes catatonic, and he’ll talk to the press mostly about winning the 1971 Punt, Pass and Kick competition the rest of the night.
49ers
It’s a slow start for San Francisco … but the same goes for the Chiefs, whose defense plays well. The first quarter ends 0-0. But Kyle Shanahan opens things up, and Raheem Mostert scores the first touchdown of the day.
Minutes later, it’s Jimmy Garoppolo to George Kittle, 14-0. With just over two minutes to go, Emmanuel Moseley picks off Patrick Mahomes … and he’s off to the races! It’s 21-0.
Shanahan jumps around, high-fiving his coaches and hugging his defense as they come off the field. But he stops in his tracks.
He hears a low, rumbling laugh.
“Uh, guys, did you hear that?” he asks into his headset.
“Hear what?” Curtis Modkins responds.
“That … laugh? Never mind.”
Shanahan shakes it off and runs into the locker room just after Harrison Butker kicks a field goal as the first half expires. It’s 21-3. He’s got to make sure the Niners don’t falter. The sequence of events, the positions of the touchdown scorers … something seems familiar about this whole situation.
In the middle of his rousing speech, he hears it again. Clearer.
“Hehehehehe.” It sounds like this:
He finds a way to ignore it.
“No quit, on three!” he yells as the Niners break it down and head out for the second half.
And they don’t quit early in the third quarter. Garoppolo drops back to pass and sees Tevin Coleman open and being chased by Reggie Ragland. It’s easy: he’s in. Touchdown.
“HEHEHEHEHEHE!!!!”
The evil laughter drowns out the crowd noise at Hard Rock Stadium. It’s deafening to Shanahan. And as he looks up at the score, his stomach drops.
He instantly recognizes the laughter in his ears. It’s Bill Belichick’s laugh. Shanahan is terrified. He sees Coleman heading toward him … and he’s in shock.
“You heard it too, didn’t you?”
Coleman nods.
Shanahan looks over at Garoppolo, who jogs over. He’s not smiling.
“Did you hear it?”
“You mean Tom Brady’s voice? Yeah, I’ve heard it since the beginning of the third quarter.”
Shanahan tries as he must to fight the dark side. But he can’t help it. The game slips away with every series as he tries to bleed precious seconds off the clock. First down, run, Second down, run. Third down … he can see Garoppolo’s shoulders slump as he directs the quarterback to hand the ball off.
Mahomes leads the Chiefs all the way back, the 49ers never score another point the rest of the night, and Williams gets a toss and runs in for the Super Bowl game-winner in overtime. Deja vu all over again.
Shanahan spends the rest of his night blindfolded, drawing new plays on a whiteboard in the coach’s room as if he’s back to being up 28-3. Every time he draws a running play, a drone gives him a little zap.
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