It’s the end of an era. Charles Martinet, the acclaimed voice of Nintendo’s mascot Mario for roughly three decades, is finally hanging up his red cap for the Super Mario video game franchise. He has definitively bopped the head of his last Koopa Troopa.
For now, Nintendo does not have a planned replacement for the legendary video game character. Yes, we are not talking about someone reciting a monologue from King Lear, but there is still a massive chasm of “yahoo!” and “here we go!” that someone with genuine temerity has to fill. The show must go on, and it must be delightful.
If you’re an esteemed internet purveyor, you might have seen a lot of joking suggestions that Chris Pratt — a human being with surface-level charm who would never dare turn down an easy check — should, once again, voice Mario. After all, he already has the experience of bringing nothing unique or entertaining to the table during this spring’s The Super Mario Bros. Movie. Why not harness that low-effort, milquetoast energy for the most popular game franchise in existence?
I’ll tell you why: We have standards here at For The Win. And we intend to uphold them. There are many better options to consider for the Mushroom Kingdom’s next lead adventurer. Take notes, Nintendo.