On Wednesday, American rock band Fall Out Boy — “band” is used in the loosest sense — revealed that it recorded an update to Billy Joel’s classic song recapping history, “We Didn’t Start The Fire.”
And where Joel gave us a stirring lesson that is so hard to forget for all the best reasons, it seems that Fall Out Boy just Googled “important world events since 1989” and vomited out an ensuing song. “Song” is also utilized in the loosest sense. Really, bravo, gentlemen.
I cannot emphasize this enough: Do yourself a favor and do not listen to this. Read the lyrics, maybe, and just take our word for the sheer awfulness.
That said — because I’ve got nothing better to do than ask to listen to nails on a chalkboard in melodic form — I’d be remiss if I didn’t pick apart what events and people Fall Out Boy chose to highlight in its truly dreadful remix. While they do mention A LOT, there are some glaring oversights around the world and in the U.S. that are unthinkably glossed over.
Note: I am certainly not ranking anything here. Do not take any impressions from the order of this list. I, unlike our glorified “punk rock” friends, actually have good taste.